Lent takes place every year in the 40 days leading up to Easter, and is treated as a period of reflection and a time for fasting from food and festivities. It symbolizes the days which lead up to Jesus’ crucifixion and subsequent resurrection, when Christ spent 40 days and nights alone in the Desert being tempted by Satan. According to the Bible, he was tempted constantly during this time, but each time he managed to overcome his temptations. Millions of Christians have been celebrating Lent – a time of year that many non-believers may associate with fasting or abstinence. But there is a lot more to the religious observance than giving up something, as it is regarded as a period of spiritual preparation to grow closer to God as we approach Easter. People follow Jesus’ example and give up vices, which can be things such as chocolate, in an attempt to grow closer to God, to show they have self-restraint, or to live a healthier life.
I was enthusiastic to attend our Ash Wednesday service because I had some specific things I wanted to lay down at the cross and gain some mastery over. This was going to be my time. Its so easy to get so caught up in the world (even though this world is not our home – for those of us that have given ourselves over to Him). I mean we live here in the world, together with all the people, regardless of race or religious or academia or financial status or beauty or fame or geographic location. We are faced with the same temptations and trials as everyone There is no ‘them’ and ‘us’. We are all in this together (by ourselves sometimes). This year on Ash Wednesday, our spiritual leader gave us each a stone and on this stone we were to write what we wanted to focus on, give up, conquer or deal with. Plot spoiler: I wrote ‘false Gods’ on mine. We bring them back to church tomorrow (Good Friday) and lay them at the cross.
Well I knew I couldn’t fit all my false gods onto that tiny little stone so I just wrote ‘false gods’. I probably don’t need to tell you what a huge undertaking that would be. I am sure God probably just chuckled as I wrote scribbled those words on my stone. So I decided I would start by abstaining from sugar and Facebook and spend more time reading the Word and focusing on God. I didn’t really think I had bitten off more than I could chew. Of course, I didn’t realize that I was actually addicted to sugar and that sugar is more addictive than cocaine. I didn’t have 12 weeks to enroll at the Betty Ford clinic. I was just going to do this for 6 weeks – I talked the rest of my family into doing the sugar fast as well. (you’ll have to ask them how they fared). I did not do so well. I’ve been telling myself for many years that salt is my thing. Savory is always my top choice. But who am I kidding? …sugar has become my top choice (ever since the onset of menopause and chocolate). SOOOO…..Everyday of Lent I started over and every day by noon I had failed. OK…never mind that. Lets talk about Facebook. I deleted the Facebook app from my phone and my iPad that evening so it wouldn’t be so easy to check it. Of course, my Instagram and my Blog are attached to Facebook so it probably looked to everyone in Facebook land that I was still active. I had done some research on Lent in previous years and I knew that Sundays were not included in the Lent fast. Sundays were days of rest so whatever you are abstaining from you can indulge on Sunday’s. Sort of like having a free day when your on a diet. Everyone knows that’s nonsense. Its a recipe for failure. SO the first Sunday (Im talking only 4 days into Lent) I resurrected my Facebook app to catch up. Seriously nothing new BUT I forgot to remove it again come Monday. Anyways, as addictions go I look at my Facebook app even if there isn’t a little red number summoning me. I grab for my phone every 5 minutes for absolutely no reason. Its like a tick or something – you don’t even realize you are doing it. Ok…forget Facebook. How was time ‘In the Word’ going? Once again, as a creature of habit, I had found over the years that my best place for reading the Word and talking to God was on my elliptical in the basement (I had made it the centerpiece of my War Room). I was getting up to go workout at the office gym on a few days but I couldn’t really do war room stuff in the office gym. I was easily able to get up at 4:30 and get to the gym by 5:30 but on days when all I had to do was make it to the basement…somehow that just wasn’t happening. Staying up too late or just the morning rush. I do have a habit of talking to God on my drive in to work but that isn’t really the ‘focus’ I had in mind. So the days of Lent were rushing by at warp speed just as all the days do these days. And before you know it it was March 27th – that fateful day when I was told I would be spending my days at home for the temporary future. WOw…. I couldn’t even use work as an excuse anymore. However, I decided at that moment – I think I will give up my job for Lent. Sure I know my hand was forced. At first it was just a joke I had going on with myself. I am giving up my job for Lent. I crack myself up. Giving up my job, in my heart, was turning out to really be a thing. I needed to give up my job. It was one of my false gods and I didn`t even know it. Because it was where I found my security. I mean, I know God gifted me with that job when I desperately needed it but it was as if I had said, Thanks God, I’ll take it from here. I was making my job happen. As long as I showed up everyday and did what was asked of me, I collected a regular paycheque and benefits and didn’t think twice about buying groceries or going to movies or stopping at Starbucks or purchasing books and stopping in at ZARA just to check it out. (another addiction). But now I had all this time to reevaluate my priorities of time and finances and found myself sadly self sufficient, addicted and misfocused. How did I end up here? Maybe I shouldn’t have written ‘false gods’ on my stone.
I can totally relate to Paul when he said “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.”
So as I reflect on my own Lent experience I sort of feel like a Lent Loser. I seriously failed Lent. How does that even happen? Is that even a thing? Well thank God (and I am not taking the Lord’s name in vain) – I actually DO mean ‘thank God’ that He is a Loser Lover. God looks at the heart while man looks at the outward appearance. I was looking at my own outward appearance and not making the grade. I was judging myself. But the Lord knows my heart. I don’t have to attend church regularly on Sundays. I don’t have to attend a home group on a weekly basis. I don’t have to read the Word if I don’t want to and I don’t even have to pray if I don’t want to. I don’t have to love my neighbor or be kind to others or help the needy. I don’t have to forgive people that wrong me and I don’t have to ask forgiveness either but I do all these things because that is my choice. I try to make Lent a learning and growing experience because that is my heart. In my heart of hearts – my soul – I want to serve the Lord. The title “Lord” implies that He is in control of my life and that I willingly have given up that control. And I am endeavoring to do this. And no matter how many times I stumble, He gives me the courage and desire to get up again and keep going because I know that I can do ALL things through Christ.
We all stumble in many ways but the Lord does not give up on us. I know that He sees in my heart just the want to please Him and offer up some kind of sacrifice for all that He has done for me. My heart is that sacrifice. And Lent is just an arbitrary period of time to cause us to reflect on Christ’s sacrifice for us and I have truly done that. As I realize my own pitiful failure at offering up a sacrifice after He has offered up the ultimate sacrifice for me it just impressed on me, all over again, how much I need Him. I am totally aware of my need of a Savior and overfilled with gratitude that He already paid the cost of my Lent failure and I’m hoping this all adds up to spiritual growth (which was what I was after in the first place).
The Red Plaid Apron 