Sisters, Sisters, there were never such devoted sisters…

A week spent with my sisters (during the month that I will turn 60) has been an enlightening and healing experience. When we were young… ages 18, 15, 13 and 11…we were obviously in different stages of experience and interest. I loved all my sisters but let’s face it, I wasn’t that interested in an 11 years olds life. Or even a 13 year olds life. Then I moved away from home at 18 and pretty much missed the growing up of my younger siblings. They are shaped by experiences that I really have no knowledge of. Therefore, most of the years following, even as they went to college, got married, had families and established their professional lives I’ve still been thinking of them as 15, 13 and 11.

If you do the math you will realize by now that we are 60, 57, 55 and 53? (Sorry Jacqui). That’s a completely different scenario. Those are the ages of some of my best friends these days. And at this point age isn’t that defining. Who they’ve become is really what I need to focus on now. And who they’ve become is vastly shaped by their life experience which I have not really been privy to as we are spread across the world… literally.

I have been living with some false perceptions. No, really? First of all, I have perceived myself as the family idiot. My mom hates it when I call myself that but it’s just that all my siblings, most younger than me, have got a degree or two each or at the very least, some valuable post secondary education that has enabled them to have professions. They are so accomplished. I’m still trying to sort out what I want to be when I grow up. Are folks in the nursing home allowed to take university courses?

In reality, I actually chose marriage and family over academia. It wasn’t popular to announce this back when I was post secondary education age but that’s actually what I wanted and that’s what I got. So-mission accomplished! Plus I was creative more than intelligent but you can’t make a living being creative. At least that was the message that was subliminally preached to me by my environment. So I’ve wasted a lot of years feeling I didn’t measure up when in actual fact I was quite content with my lot in life. But I thought somehow I was inferior if I expressed total satisfaction with being a wife, a mother and thriving on domesticity. But that is the honest truth. I am content with my life.

As circumstances would have it, and I loved those circumstances…we spent a lot of time around the pool this particular week. You know what that means. There was a limited amount of lycra and spandex covering our birthday suits. Let’s just say I finally learned the meaning of the axiom ‘large and in charge’. Not only am I the oldest and bossiest,I am also the largest. Not that those two are synonymous, just the way it worked out I guess. If you want to be bossy size can be an advantage. Let’s just say donning swimwear is not my finest hour…it exposes more than flesh. It exposes my insecurities and leaves me vulnerable. I am much cuter when wrapped head to toe in designer (actual) clothing. In years gone by, my younger sisters had put me upon a style and beauty pedestal and I actually quite revelled in the glory. Unfortunately this set the bar quite high and I’ve been struggling to maintain their respect and awe for the last decade or so.

My youngest sister is a fitness trainer and a dwarf so …. need I say more? The next sister was blessed with this lovely tiny boned body (I actually think she was adopted) and the sister closet in age to me has just learned how to remain lovely and thin. So what’s my excuse? I’m working on it. I’m forever working on it and sometimes I get tired of working on it. Sometimes I get tired of doing battle against my short waist, thick legs, linebacker shoulders, my love of cooking and eating and I’d rather be painting, quilting, sewing, decorating, reading or writing than working out. So sue me.

But I managed to have a blast around that pool inspite of my girth. I didn’t have to look at me. l was just enjoying everyone’s company and the heat and the relaxation and having a great time. It is what it is. No use getting hung up on it. I wasn’t going to let it ruin my vacation. And it didn’t. We just had SO much fun and I felt accepted by my family. Maybe they were secretly elated that I was huge and they were not but if I could make them feel good about themselves let’s just say I took one for the team. LOL

So I realized that I am related to some very beautiful, glamourous, intelligent, polished, professional, sensitive, strong, resilient, generous women this week. And I am one of them. I am privileged to be part of this genealogy. I’ve started to finally accept them as friends and ally’s rather than hold them in judgement and competition. We are peers now, not divided by age and superiority. I guess that is why we had so much fun. We are fun when we let down our pretenses and quit hiding. I think we started to let our guard down and accept each other as the valuable person they are. It only took 53 years. Let’s not waste anymore time ladies.

Love you to the moon and back.

DISCLAIMER: When I refer to myself as large in this article, I am comparing myself to my sisters not the rest of the population. I, myself, fluctuate. I would never judge people on size. I am all too familiar with the battle that is weight management. Believe me, I know the struggle.