Liminality

I do not consider myself retired or finished but rather ‘in between”. Since I cannot afford the luxury of retiring yet I know that new work must come. New meaning. New purpose. New reality.

I appear to be floating in that inbetween place or that liminal space where I have left the known, the familiar, the safe and secure (well as it turns out, not so secure) but I haven’t replaced it with anything yet. So I’m dangling in between two phases. It’s a temporary waiting place. I’m waiting to find out what’s next. BTW I’m just not really great at waiting. Impatience rules. I also haven’t been doing much with myself. It’s like I have been sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop or something to fall down from heaven, right into my lap, making everything clear and easy. But guess what? That isn’t happening. At least not yet.

Ive been doing some research on liminal space and have learned that most often this is where transformation can happen. Who knew? When I have successfully navigated this in between phase I could be a different person or at least have transformed paradigms if I allow myself to embark on the journey. So maybe I’m getting too impatient. Maybe I need to wait a little longer. Liminality is a sacred space. It’s the only space in life where we we actually experience growth, so I’ve read. Maybe I needed more growth? Ya think?

What was wrong with the old me and the old life? I had found it to be quite comfortable and working. Enjoyable even. Was I starting to idealize or idolize normalcy? Of course I was. I was growing so complacent and apathetic. Just going through the motions of life and not really growing. Not really challenging myself. Playing it safe and not taking any risks.

As a believer that tries, on a daily basis, to surrender her life to Christ and let Him have his will with it I could ask Him why I was brought to this space? But He has also set life in motion and sometimes things just happen because people make them happen and God’s will doesn’t always happen so quite possibly me being unemployed wasn’t His will. But this I know, He can take what was meant for ill or harm and He can turn it around and use it for my good. Every time. But I feel so useless and redundant as I live each day of life not really accomplishing anything or contributing to the betterment and growth of…. well… anything.

I do have quite a few ideas formulating and brewing but I have felt I was not to move forward with my own agenda, as I am in the habit of doing. So I’ve been waiting and wasting. And I have been listening.

Interestingly enough, since writing this last paragraph, my listening has been rewarded. I have had a bit of a Damascus Road experience that appears to be changing everything so I guess that’s what happens in liminality. Just so you know, I start articles and sometimes don’t go back to them for days…. that’s how something profound can happen inbetween paragraphs.

I will not leave you hanging. To be continued….