The Whole Shabang

Well let’s move on from birthday celebrations to health preparations. (It will be a little difficult because it’s my husbands birthday today and that includes Mississippi mud and wings). But this week, in fact on June 8, I will embark on the Whole30 journey. What, pray tell, is Whole30?? Well I can tell you what’s its not. Its not just another fad diet, believe you me. (Because no one starts a fad diet on a Thursday). It’s  not to be entered into lightly ( I am entering it heavy) or without preparation. It’s not a weight loss program although I’m positive if you are heavier than you should be, you will most likely shed a few pounds of condemning baggage as you eat nothing but whole foods for 30 days. I’m counting on it. It’s a reset journey. It’s like the Betty Ford clinic for people with food addictions … like me. Addicted to sugar (hot tomales and peach green tea lemonade) and Kettle cooked BBQ chips. I was reading the ‘what to expect timeline’ yesterday and it mentions that you will probably feel worse before you feel better…. that would be the withdrawal symptoms. I’ll probably have to be chained to my bed soaked in my own sweat to keep me from running to Starbucks and Sobeys and Shoppers with no make up on and frightening hair to get my fixes. Now that’s a pretty thought.  But I do have an accountability partner that has already passed the test to keep me on the straight and narrow.

I’m almost finished the prep reading and getting ready to make the allowable sauces and condiments and shop for groceries. If I’m shopping correctly I should bring absolutely nothing home in a box, can, a cellopac or a bag or a bottle. Well my nuts and Perrier may come in such containers but that’s it. Eggs also come in containers. Can you imagine if you were expected to put eggs in groceries bags just the way they were? That would be tricky and messy.  Let’s imagine that they are all just sitting in a huge refrigerated bin. There would probably be all sorts off eggs broken and sticky yolks everywhere. Submerging your hand in there could be horrifying.  You’d need counselling for years. . I’m glad they are packaged in egg cartons. Swell idea. I digress….

The object of this reset process is to break your cravings for fake food with addictive stimulants and reset your digestive system (heal your gut) so your immune system starts firing on all pistons. Making you healthier and stronger and eventually slimmer. I definitely need that. I lost 25 pounds by joining a popular weight loss organization 3 years ago but I’m sad to report that I’ve gained it all back as I didn’t quit eating fake food with addictive stimulants, I just ate less of it and lost weight and reverted back to my old habits because, let’s face it, I was still addicted. Hadn’t really learned a thing except ‘eat less food temporarily lose weight temporarily’.

My top priority is health this time around. If weight loss happens that will be a bonus. From all the reading I have done lately though, I know once I heal the gut aka digestive processes I WILL lose the weight I need to lose and I will feel great. I’m actually quite looking forward to the Whole thing (pun intended). I also know I will spend a lot of time in the kitchen preparing whole food but that will not be a problem for me as the kitchen is my laboratory, my studio, my joy and I’m unemployed for the moment so I have the time. And I don’t have to starve to death. I can eat all the food I want from all the other trees in the garden, I just can’t eat anything off the forbidden tree. I mean that’s how we got in this mess in the first place isn’t it?

Recently I purchased the most adorable whimsical Kate Spade bathing suit. Why would I do this when I’m 25 pounds overweight you ask? Because I am a visionary. Either that or I’m deluded. I dream things that never were and ask ‘why not?’ I may have borrowed that sentiment from the late JFK (who borrowed if from George Bernard Shaw). I’m gonna get there folks and when I do, I’m gonna stay there. And now I’m accountable to all of you. What have I done?

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