Ok you’ve probably already discerned I’m not much of a country cowgal. Stampede is not my favorite theme or time of year. True, I’ve lived in Calgary 39 years, you’d think I would have plenty of time to embrace our city’s claim to fame. And while it hasn’t been entirely detestable, it just hasn’t exactly taken root in my heart like…. say… Christmas.
As a kid I remember Calgary was always one of our stops on the way to the mountains since we had relatives living here. Most of my siblings and I would sleep in the car while travelling but we always knew the moment we had arrived in cowtown as we had to drive past the stockyards to get to my aunt and uncles place. Yes, stockyards right in the middle of town, Pyoo. The aroma woke us up immediately.
In regards to the greatest outdoor show on earth, my first beef (get it?) is the entire wearing of the hot sweaty tight blue jeans and cowboy boots, which inevitably means sox, if you don’t want blisters, and toes confined in 30 degree weather. Toes screaming out for sandals. Legs and arms screaming out for sundresses. As nature would have it the week of stampede is often the hottest weather we have all year. When I have held corporate jobs I’ve gone along with the whole cowboy thing in the spirit of team morale plus I was usually enjoying air conditioning which made the charade so much more plausible. I mean when in Rome…I even bit the proverbial bullet and bought myself black cowboy boots embellished with rhinestones, from Lammle’s no less. It’s right beside ZARA so it wasn’t that difficult to find. And somehow I have a pink felt cowboy hat, well I guess no boy would wear it, so cowgirl. I have pink feather earrings and several plaid scarves I can add to anything to give it that western flare. So even though it’s not my cup of tea or keg of beer, I can fake it pretty well.
My second issue is the music that grates on my nerves. Who am I kidding? That’s not music, it’s hard luck whining accompanied by a guitar. I realize this is just my opinion but as far as I’m aware I’m still entitled to one. Just in case you hadn’t heard, apparently when you play a country song backwards you get your house back, your wife back, your truck back and your dog back. I rest my case. Country music has improved with the rise to fame of Taylor swift, Carrie Underwood, Shania Twain and Vince Gil. But outside of that, dont quit your day job.
And what’s with those pancakes? I guess it was the cheapest way to feed millions of people. Haven’t they heard of the Jesus method of 5 loaves and 2 fish? I guess that was only 5000 people. I have to admit the pancake mix is getting better in recent years and some sponsors even add blueberries to their pancakes which is a nice touch. How about some croissants and scones?? Jam and Devonshire cream-now that’s a stampede breakfast I could sink my teeth into.
Let’s talk about that parade. Back in the old days when I used to watch the parade from my front row seat in the Bank of Montreal building on 7th ave, before the LRT line took over the street (maybe I’m just getting old), it was full of creative and entertaining floats. Now it seems to be a never ending line of marching bands and horses pooping all over the street and that doesn’t thrill me at all.
Getting stone drunk at Cowboys bar, the Ranchmans or Nashville North was never my groove either. In the unlikely event that I have a good time, I definitely want to remember it.
Back when oil was pouring out of the ground there were free BBQs on every corner. Between the pancake breakfasts and endless BBQs we challenged ourselves to eat free for an entire week and did. These days the oil isn’t the only thing that’s dried up.
However, over the years I have enjoyed the Grand stand show. I feign interest in the chuck wagon races because you have to watch those first, but I have been pretty impressed with the young Canadians, cirque de soliel and then of course those fireworks that conclude the show. Spectacular if your sitting right beneath them. The fireworks can make the whole experience for me. When they are over we usually wander over to the mini donuts stand and buy a bucket for the trip home. Greasy little tubes of sugar that melt in your mouth. Warning: next morning they rather taste like you left your MacDonald’s fries on the counter. Your mouth feels completely coated in wax so I suggest you eat the whole bucket before retiring for the evening.
Between the Drop of Doom, mini doughnuts, corn dogs and staying up until 2:00am, Lexie inevitably got sick by 3:00am and I was cleaning up barf for the rest of the night, or should I say morning? I mean, what’s not to love?
The only cowboys I ever really liked were Hoss and little Joe out on the Ponderosa aka Bonanza. Robert Redford and Paul Newman in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid also wore me down. That was back when cowboys were good looking likable heroes.
But here I am, a citizen of Calgary, so I’ll don my cowgal duds and make the best of it. I may even have fun. It’s the most fun you can have with your boots on you know? Well that statement doesnt hold much truth for moi because I don’t have that much fun with my cowboy boots on. Thankfully that’s the only week of the year I wear them. How long til Christmas?
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The Red Plaid Apron 