Who am I?

If I’m not a cowgirl then who am I? Well…… I’m a dreamer. I’m an idealist. I’m a visionary. I’m constantly creative. I’m nostalgic. I’m a romantic. I’m a sentimental fool. I’m a girls girl. I’m a writer. I’m a story teller. I’m a reader. I’m a baker, I’m a cook. I’m a wife. I’m a mom. A daughter, a sister, a friend and a colleague. I’ve even been known to cohort. I’m a Christ follower (which affects all other things I am). I like to plan. I like to make lists. I’m organized. I’m not afraid of hard work and I can be focused when I need to. When it comes to exercise… I’m all or nothing. (I must fix that).

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more about getting it done than getting it perfect. I compromise in favor of getting it done on certain things as I know that perfectionism is the enemy of progress. I have discovered that necessity is, indeed, the mother of invention. I’m not hyper. I’m methodical and purposeful most of the time. I am OCD about certain things. I’m not into violence. I’m not passive. I lean more to proactivity. I do get mad but I can’t hold a grudge. Sometimes I try to have a mad on towards someone (or something) and then I go and forget and I’m nice to them. I’m more about relationship. I can’t stand myself when I’ve hurt someone or let them down. I will suck up to whatever length to make it all better.

I do not have an aptitude for math and that’s probably why I can’t memorize piano music. I must be looking at the notes on paper. I’m not lazy (well sometimes I am but it’s not a character trait). I do not have a green thumb. Many people have inquired as to whether there is anything I’m not good at and I usually reply: I’m not very good at losing weight. And I’m not good with plants.

I can be impatient at times. I can be controlling at times. I can fly of the handle easily but then live to regret it. I tend towards fear… way too much. I have high expectations of myself and often expect others to live up to these expectations as well and they can’t because I can’t even meet these expectations often . This leads to disappointment. I have a compulsion to be surrounded by beauty and when I can’t, I make my own beauty. For whatever reason I feel life should be beautiful, which is strange when a person reflects how much of life is unbeautiful these days.

I seek out the beauty in life. It’s just easier to cope with tribulations when you see beauty in your peripheral. Beauty softens the blow of hurt, unmet expectations, rejection, boredom, pain and disappointment. Seeking or making beauty is how I cope with life. Maybe it’s a bandaid or a mask but it’s how I cope. The flip side of this is that I like to make beauty for others too. I feel that this is a way I can bless and support them in whatever they are going through.

I am a mix of admirable traits and just as many that need to be honed and trained and some eliminated totally. I am a work in progress. God is not done with me yet. And every one breathes a sigh of relief.

I’m also unemployed and am supposed to be applying for jobs not writing on this lovely summer afternoon.