I’m just asking….for a friend.

A friend of mine has this small problem and wanted to be transparent and accountable as she deals with this issue so she shared it with me. She put herself on a self imposed spending freeze because she thought she was getting addicted to stuff. She, also, happens to be unemployed and needs to be more careful and deliberate with her spending.

She read this book by Ruth Soukup called Living Well Spending Less and declared that it really got her thinking about how she spends her money, especially from a believers perspective. Most of us in North America are addicted to stuff, Ruth said. My friend also read another book by Randy Alcorn -The Treasure Principle, on what we do with our finances as believers and realized she had a problem.

She tried to follow Dave Ramsey’s advice and create a budget. As she was explaining to me the inordinate amount of time she is engaged in creating a budget, blowing the budget and revising the budget, it just seemed like a hamster wheel to me. After she finally revised the budget to work again by extending the dates of her goals (I’ll take care of that next payday) she felt empowered and at peace and then she would blow the budget once again by purchasing something not on the list – an impulse- she was back to square one. Something that finally occurred to her was that she could not put herself in temptations way. Hello? She had to be purposeful about staying away from temptation. She told herself she could handle temptation but clearly she could not. Famous words from the Shopoholic movie, “I have hands and it’s winter therefore in need these gloves”. Nevermind she had 25 pairs at home. I’m not suggesting that my friend is a shopoholic by any means but if the shoe fits, wear it (don’t buy it in every color).

My friend concluded that she spends a large portion of her time managing stuff. Buying stuff, cleaning stuff, protecting stuff, purging stuff, looking for stuff, insuring stuff, storing stuff and admiring stuff. So in the interests of living the abundant life Jesus spoke of rather than the abundant (cluttered, addictive, misguided, stressful) life that our world, with all its marketers and advertisers, promotes, my friend decided to re-evaluate her priorities. This was not something she could brush off and address at a later date. The longer she ignores this the deeper in the mire she gets.

Why and how had this become a problem, she asked me? My best guess was that she felt ‘less than’ in many areas and she was trying to make herself feel like more. Sort of like looking for love in all the wrong places. She, like me, also loves beautiful things and wanted to surround herself with beauty. She couldn’t resist beautiful stuff if it was within her means to buy it. And that’s another lie she had bought into (pun intended).  What were the parameters of ‘within her means’? She also shopped for an activity…. it was where the excitement was. She enjoyed going to the mall to hang out because of the hustle and bustle of life teaming there. I believe she felt empowered when she purchased something…. just because she could. She, like me, is creative and loves fashion just for the ‘fun’ of it.  I guess this is why we are friends.  I digress… My friend has been living this lifestyle for so long she, very innocently, believed this was just life… the way everyone lived. Well everyone in the middle class blue collar North American sector. But the light finally went on as she realized she was no longer buying items out of need, she was spending on the superfluous. She knew she had more than enough, which she mentioned was a gross understatement. It was just all in good fun until… well, it wasn’t.

Interestingly enough, she finally realized she had an addiction of some sort because the more she tried to stop the more drawn in she became. By the force of sheer will power she had told herself many times she wasn’t going to purchase anything unnecessary anymore but she kept failing. She even mentioned the words of Paul found in Romans 7 as she was tearfully explaining this compulsion to me.

15 For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me……24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

And this, folks,  is the real battle. The battle we fight within every single day on so many different levels.  We cannot fight this battle on our own.

So my friend is on a spending freeze for the rest of the summer (at that time she will re-evaluate) while she tries to get this thing, that has gotten away on her, under control. She is not going to do it on her own this time and that’s why she has asked me to help her be accountable. She is also going to enlist the help of the Holy Spirit because He cares about every aspect of our lives and how we handle the wealth that He alone has allowed us to create. Do you think she can conquer this? I’m just asking, you know….for a friend.