Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, valuable, but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it or because I haven’t been brave? – Kathleen Kelly from You’ve Got Mail.
I believe I have settled a lot of times because I haven’t been brave. Something I discovered about myself this summer is that I am a scaredy cat of epic proportions. I have a yellow streak a mile long. I am a coward. I am the lion from the wizard of Oz. I did not realize this until recently. I was stressed. Having difficulty making decisions or moving forward or getting things done and was just wondering why. I started listening to myself – my explanations and excuses and justifications and it was there I uncovered the fear. This isn’t just something new. I realize I have functioned out of fear for decades. And I let others project their fears on me as well until I am literally running scared. Fear paralyzes. I hear myself saying self protecting things and making self protective justifications. Maybe I need to quit listening to myself?
And yet I have been brave on so many fronts as well because I didn’t have a choice. It was muster up some courage or drown. I have been uncharacteristically brave at times. Even surprised myself. So I can be brave when there is no other choice. I can do all things through Christ. He is my strength when I am weak. I know this. And yet, it seems, fear is crouching on my doorstep. Wait a minute, where have I heard that before?
It may not be the spirit of fear but certainly a lack of courage. Fear seems to be my default. I want faith to be my default. ‘She is clothed with strength and dignity and can laugh at the days to come.’ I want that to be true of me. But at times that kind of courage feels so elusive. So unattainable.
So what’s an aspiring Proverbs 31 woman supposed to do? What am I so afraid of? Are these fears rationale or not? There are some things in this world that are definitely scary alright. But the Lord keeps reminding us in His word not to fear. He also reminds us that worrying (just another manifestation of fear) is the most useless activity on the planet. He warns us about worrying our prayers which renders them not really prayers but just another way to worry. He also promised to never leave or forsake us and to be our defender. He is our strength when we are weak. He is our truth in a planet full of lies. Fear of the Lord is the only beneficial fear. I should not fear what man can do to me because my God is greater.
I definitely worry about about silly daily things because that’s the human condition. But I don’t need to surrender to the human condition. Jesus died on the cross so I could be free from all that. I need to trust the one That upholds me with his righteous right hand.
What are these fears I’m referring to? Fear of the unknown. What’s going to become of me? Fear of suffering. No one invites suffering even though we must share in Christ’s suffering. Fear of being abandoned. God will never leave or forsake me. Fear of persecution. We must not fear what man can do to us. Fear of not being valuable to anyone. I am a daughter of the Almighty and He cherishes me. Fear of watching loves ones suffer. His plans for us are not to harm us but to prosper us and give us a future and a hope.
Corrie Ten Boom said ‘never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God” she also said “worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.
So my resolve is to try to do something that scares me every day. Sometimes that might be as simple as ‘spend time encouraging myself in the Lord’ when I have a million things on my todo list and to take time for this will mean not finishing my list. Calling that person and encouraging them even if I don’t have all the answers and cures. Deviating from my schedule to follow the Lords promptings. Make that doctors appointment when you suspect something is amiss. Say what needs to be said and not worry about what people will think of me. Leave the house without makeup. Yes folks… that’s real. Let people see the real me. Take that risk while holding the Lords hand. Go for that walk even though you don’t feel like it. Put on the full armour of God and march into battle and leave the results with Him. Try something new. Go to bed when your adult kids are at a Coldplay concert in Edmonton and not getting home until 4:00 am. Seriously… going to bed is the brave thing to do. True confessions: i did not do the brave thing. Next time!
The Red Plaid Apron 