Sitting here in the aftermath of Christmas and reflecting on the season. I have to say, for me, every Christmas is entirely different. Each Christmas brings its new joys and challenges. I think most of us are always trying to recreate a past experience of Christmas. Live it again in all its glory. While there is definitely something to be said for tradition (I am all for tradition) forging new territory is not necessarily negative. When it comes to Christmas we tend live in nostalgia. I do it. I relive past precious Christmases and walk into each new season with a pocketful of expectations. Many of them unrealistic. That is definitely a recipe for disappointment. Like Santas sack of toys, I had a sack full of expectations and disappointments. I didn’t get all my baking done or I burnt it. I didn’t get a card from someone significant. A favorite Christmas party was cancelled. All the needles fell of my tree before December 25th. I didn’t lose the 25lbs I pledged myself I would. I was so rushed I didn’t have time to enjoy a silent night. My company scratched my hardwood floors. My husband got a a terrible Christmas cold and didn’t feel good enough to socialize. A snow storm prevented our company from coming after I spent weeks preparing for them. I ran out of money before my Christmas shopping was done and a host of other minor annoyances.
I’ve finally realized that expectations birth disappointment. In the past it was easy to get me rattled when everything didn’t go exactly accordingly to plan and expectations. But, thankfully, I have mellowed out when it comes to Christmas. Much to the benefit of all who live under this roof. I truly do take it as it comes and just enjoy the season for what it is. Peace on earth, goodwill toward all men. Not stress on earth and resentment toward people. I don’t know if it’s a wisdom and letting go that come with age and experience or a divine paradigm shift but I’m far more apt to go with the flow these days and enjoy each moment. Live in the moment and cherish the relationships and the loved ones I share this season with.
Everything doesn’t have to be perfect. Perfection is phony at its best and unattainable at its worst. My focus is now on relationship and peace. I try to let go of as much baggage and expectation as possible and focus on the moment. As you know, if you’ve ever read anything I’ve written, that Christmas isn’t just a day to me, it’s a season. With this perspective there is lots of time to enjoy Christmas and contemplate it’s true meaning and plenty of time to let go of disappointment.
One particular challenge this Christmas involves a dear friend that, by all appearances, cancer will win the battle. Rather than let this ruin our Christmas we have endeavoured to be there for him and his family and cherish all the lucid and not so lucid moments. Even in this we are making memories. We will have these memories of him in his last precious days. Plus being a witness to his disease puts so many things into perspective for us. It’s a reminder of what is really important in life and at Christmas.
It’s not about the lights and the decorations and the food and the gifts and the parties and the clothes or a partridge in a pear tree. These things are fun and not evil but they are not the main focus. I truly believe my best moments this December have been the visits with our friends, in their cramped living quarters, with our friends hospital bed in the middle of the living room decked out in red and black buffalo checked sheets, blankets and pillows and his plaid pyjamas and Santa hat. We’ve laughed at the hilarious things he says while on powerful pain meds and cried at the reality of what is really happening. We’ve chatted while he slept , totally unaware of our presence. It hasnt been glamourous or always cheerful but it’s been real. And there is something about this raw realness that has changed me and my expectations of Christmas.
My 6 CD player in my car is on the fritz. It seemed to go on strike when I put that first Christmas CD in. I resorted to listening to the radio. I found a Christian station that played Christmas music 24/7 starting December 1. In between sets of seasonal tunes there was dialogue and invitations to join many organizations that are helping disenfranchised people get through this difficult season. I heard about the Mustard seed, the Food bank, the Dream centre, the Pregnancy care centre, Compassion child, the Woman’s shelter, the YMCA and YWCA and even the radio station was taking on less fortunate families going through difficult times and it occurred to me that people enjoying Christmas in all of its glitzy, commercialized glory were in the minority. I actually believe there are more people suffering through Christmas than there are people enjoying it. It was very sobering.
I am SO blessed to be in the minority that have enjoyed most of the Christmases in my life. It’s mostly been good times and precious memories for me. How did I get so lucky? I don’t know. I do know I don’t deserve it but I am so grateful to have spent another Christmas surrounded by those I love, with shelter, a warm bed, plenty of sustenance, gifts even, music, health and opportunities to extend love to others. And I’m not sad it’s over because it’s not.
I will honour Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year.
The Red Plaid Apron 