Those that fraternize with me regularly may have noticed my eating habits have gone rogue lately, resulting in increased girth. Not just my eating but the poor sleep habits I have adopted since last April and the all too sedentary lifestyle. I go in spurts. I actually truly enjoy working out but I’m a procrastinator. If it doesn’t happen by 11:00 am then it’s not happening. But I rarely get to exercising before 11:00 because I sleep in too late as a result of going to bed too late as a result of …well I really haven’t pinned down the reason for that yet. But the later I’m up, the more snacks I look for and injest. What came first? The chicken or the egg. Well it doesn’t really matter because I ate them both.
I’m not getting on the scale as I don’t want you to read in the morning news…women stabs fork in her eye after scale read out says “one at at time please”. A friend once told me that she, personally, never gets on the scale and has no idea what that accusing or praising number is, therefore , her self worth is not tied to any particular weight read out. (She even makes the doctor keep her weight a secret as she fills out my friends medical history). I like that. I’m going to adopt that philosophy. It’s not like I can’t feel my clothes getting tighter or see my double chin or realize when I’m just not feeling great and my complexion and hair look dull. These are visible signs that positive action is required. The read out on the scale would just be too much to bear. If I don’t have knowledge of that condemning number then I’m more apt to feel empowered to do something about this situation. I know this is the opposite philosophy of WW, but I failed that too. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results and I’m NOT insane.
One of my favorite authors, who loves to eat as I do, lives by a routine of feasting and fasting. She uses the word fasting the way some would use the word diet. She loves to eat and she loves to cook and she loves to gather people around the table for nourishment, community and healing. I’m am her kindred spirit. So she feasts from American Thanksgiving through to New Years and she fasts from January to June then she feasts from June to end of August and then she fasts until thanksgiving. This way she doesn’t miss out any of the great traditions around the table or her favorite foods but she keeps things in balance. Her fasting times are seasons of sparseness.
This is another philosophy that I am adopting. I think we need a break from indulgence and to push back and set boundaries around our gluttony, in all areas. I seem to go through seasons of apathy and seasons of proactivity. I take my body to the edge of the cliff and when pushing it over is the only thing left to do…I return to all the good and healthy practices that I know heal and empower. And its that time now.
I’m like an Israelite, wondering the desert for 40 years, vascilating back and forth between knowing what freedom really feels like and yearning to be back in slavery. I seem to forget the chains of slavery, although they are starting to dig into my ankles again. I start inching my way back to slavery just because there were some aspects that were comforting. Harmful but comforting. “The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the Lord’s hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.” Exodus 16:3. How soon we forget the benefits of freedom.
I have the type of metabolism and body structure that doesn’t allow me to ‘not care’ or not be attentive to my habits. I cannot let up. I have to persistently stay on top of things or I end up back in slavery. An unhappy slave that is really not comfortable at all. Not that comfort is the goal. I don’t need to be a supermodel, I just need to fit into my clothes. Lucky for me I have clothes that fit, even now, because I have been here before, but its time for my descent once again. I do not like this place (or these clothes for that matter).
All this to say, I’m taking a gentler, more reasonable approach to find my way back to health and freedom. Health is freedom and I AM finding my way back. I keep hoping this will be the time that I’ll actually make a lifelong habit change. I’m getting closer to the my life expectancy as every year goes by so the lifelong habits won’t have to last that long anymore.
Let the hunger games begin! May the scale be ever in my favour. Actually I’m not using the scale but I just wanted to say that.
It’s been a life long struggle….I know skinny won’t solve all my problems…. but rich will. Lol
Rich and skinny? Look at Melania Trump, does she look happy? I rest my case.
The Red Plaid Apron 