Unplugged

I told my family I needed a vacation. In my heart of hearts, I was thinking heat on my skin, soft smooth, warm sand between my toes, azure blue water as far as the eye can see, waves rushing to shore revealing beautiful shells when rolled back again (plus that soothing rhythm to lull you to sleep at night), palm trees swaying in the breeze. Fruity, refreshing, iced drinks to sip on for hours… that sort of thing. But that was not something that was going to materialize for us or me at this juncture so they offered to send me to connect with my siblings in a city where three of them lived. Any change of scenery, I thought, would be healing and life giving. I’ve felt that this past fifteen months had sucked the life out of me. Just get me on a plane to anywhere but here.

After I arrived I was explaining to my sister how I badly needed a vacation. I know people that know me and my situation are thinking to themselves…. from what? You haven’t had a real job for over a year. Haven’t you been on vacation? My sister quipped… perhaps you do not understand the concept of the vacation. Essentially It’s a break from working all the time. Oh shut up! It’s a break from anything that has you bound. Just waiting alone at the airport (with a million other travellers) I could feel the tension leaving my psyche. I was excited to wake up somewhere different.

Not that I love flying. I’m not afraid of flying, I just hate the whole process but it is one of the best ways to get far away. Personally, I love road trips. I love cruising down on the highway on a bright sunny day, sipping a cool peach green tea lemonade singing along with the Carpenters as I admire, in awe, the majestic Rocky Mountains. I think I know the words to every single Carpenter song by heart. BUT driving would have cost considerably more than this bargain basement flight to Toronto that I managed to book on airmiles. (Plus the Rockies are in the opposite direction).

So here I am.

My goal for this getaway was really a self induced intervention. I knew it was time to change my paradigms and with those, my pursuits and actions. What better way to implement these changes than to hit the reset button? Anne Lamott (a cleverly, irreverent Christian writer) is quoted as having said, ‘Amost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.’ So I am unplugged for a couple of weeks in the hopes of working again when I get home. I’m not referencing work as in ‘job’ but rather I will function better in life, once again. Not that it won’t involve some income producing work but I’m more focused on working as a whole, emotional healthy, human being. I’ve been believing lies about myself and my circumstances for too long.

I have to admit that I am quite excited to embark on my new journey. I’m ready for change. It’s been said that ‘Insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.’ Im pretty sure I’m not insane…by my standards anyway. Some may beg to differ.

I’ve assessed the ruts I’ve been stuck in. The thoughts that have been overpowering me. The way I talk to myself and I must say, it’s almost as if I’ve been locked in a prison cell and the key was in my back pocket all along. I’m looking forward to freedom. I’m wanting to break the chains of society’s expectations of me and follow where my heavenly Father is leading instead. This truly requires a paradigm shift.

In the meantime. I’m spending my days away lollyagging in my sisters newly renovated parlour, watching Netflix and HBO. Sitting under her outdoor gazebo reading, writing, and journaling with her garden hose mister keeping me cool and refreshed. Going to baseball games. Lovely walks through the quaint little village within a city where my sister and her husband live. Planning mermaid parties for my young nieces. Having long, meaningful talks with my sweet adult niece and her mom, my sister. We are solving the worlds problems. We are getting quite good at it. Well, at the very least, our own.

I sitting here listening to relaxing music which is causing me to doze in and out of consciousness as I write. Almost as if I didn’t have a care in the world. The fan keeping me cool. Surrounded by books, magazines, snacks , Eiffel towers, candles, mini lights, and peonies. This may not be the Carribean or the French Riviera but it feels like an all inclusive resort with the most personal touch. People hug me here. Unplugged and loving it.