A Letting Go

A bit of earth
She wants a little bit of earth
She’ll plant some seeds
The seeds will grow
The flowers bloom
Their beauty just the thing she needs
She’ll grow to love the tender roses
Lilies fair, the iris tall
And then in fall, her bit of earth
Will freeze and kill them all.

Sad but beautifully poignant.  If I kept watering these flowers they would probably thrive until the next frost – I’m surprised they made it through the first one.  But I am done.  I must move on.  I have other concerns to take my focus in this season.  So I am letting my beauties go while they are still lovely.  To walk away from something lovely is a good practice.  It builds character.  It is easy to walk away from something dead.  But to walk away from something that pulls at your heart?   They are going to be done soon anyway and I am going to remember them in all their beautiful glory.  I don’t think this is mean.  I think I am letting them go with dignity.  I won’t look back.

I am not usually very good at letting go….of anything.  Especially anything that was life changing (even painful).    Anything that is nostalgic.    Anything that was sacred.  But sometimes we just have to let go.  Let go of our kids childhoods.  Let go of our own childhoods.  Let go of friends that were for a season.  Let go of unrealistic expectations.  Let go of disappointments.  Let go of pain that has been a constant companion.  Let go of bad habits.  Let go of circumstances that served us well in a certain season but are not longer required.  Let go of anything toxic in our lives.  Let go of perfectionism.  Let go of getting our own way.  We must let go to free our hearts and hands up for whats ahead.

Very often we perceive some event, some person or some set of circumstances in a false light.  Something we believed was good and working turns out not to be.  We have been deceived and we mourn for something that never was. The more time we waste mourning it the longer it takes for us to move into the next phase of growth and discovery.  I don’t want to waste anymore time hanging onto things that have been holding me back or making me miserable or just sad.  Why would I do that?  The unknown doesn’t have to be scary.  It can be exciting.  The possibilities and opportunities that we have no perception of yet.  There’s just as good a chance that they will be amazing as not.

Our pastor talked about letting go of the helm of our lives yesterday.  Letting go of our inner control freak.  Surely I had no idea what he was talking about.  Inner control freak?  He’s so funny.  I want everything to happen just a certain way and in a certain timing. I want my plans to go off without a hitch.  I want people to behave the way I want them to and I want life to unfold according to my imagination.   How often does this happen? In my experience, not very often.  Conundrum.

Am I going to let go of my unrealistic expectations and embrace disappointment and learn from it?  Or am I going to hang on for dear life and suffer unnecessarily?  I am an emotional and nostalgic soul.  Very often events that I thought were one thing turn out to be about another thing altogether and I need to let go.  Let go and save any good memories and then move on.  Its moving day for this girl.  Letting go and moving on.  Maybe a paradigm shift of sorts.  Dare to believe that things are different that what I have labeled them.

I believe letting go with give me strength and courage.   Or at least momentum.  Momentum to move forward and learn from the past, not cling to it.  Letting go will move me closer to hope for what could be.  Letting go of the helm of my own life so HE can lead me into what HE has for me.  Letting go will always be my choice. Empowering.