When I say I’m taking a break from feeling bad about myself it doesn’t mean I’m going to just let myself… go to hell, so to speak. It means I’m not going to be motivated by feeling bad about myself. I’m still going to engage in beneficial, ‘good for you’ activities. I’m just not going to do them from the miry bottom of a pit of low self esteem.
I am what I am. In this moment, and I’m working towards extreme self care and improvement but I’m not going to feel bad about myself every step of the way there. On my way to where I’d like to be. I’m going to remind myself that I deserve to take care of myself. This doesn’t entail materialistic self indulgence. It entails love, discipline and reordering my priorities. And self care also isn’t about about selfcenteredness or selfishness. At least it doesn’t have to be. It’s not narcissism. It’s stewarding my health, my time and my resources to the glory of God, not because I really should do something about the image the world is holding me accountable for.
Nobody really cares about my girth, my aging process, or the management of my days, hours and bank account like I think they do anyway. And if for some reason any of this has become the subject of judgemental conversation- well, that’s on the people talking about it. What people say about me is none of my business.
I’m going to love myself and enjoy myself and others and the seasons and my blessings inspite of the fact that I’m not living up to the worlds expectations for me. Seriously, can anybody?
I can’t change anything physical overnight so I’m going to love myself thru to transformation how ever gradual or minute that may be. If this is how I stay forever, inspite of my best efforts- then so be it. I’ll have a new glorious body and life soon enough. I’m not going to let my perceived imperfections keep me from getting to it.
Discipline and priorities. Acceptance and love. Living in the moment as opposed to ‘for’ the moment. Don’t judge. Flee from it. Because you WILL judge others with the same criteria that you judge yourself. I know this from experience, I’m ashamed to admit. Be full of joy. Grateful. Love people. Be kind. Don’t try to figure out everything. Be comfortable with not having all the answers. Harshness? Shun the thought. Kind is the new harsh.
Just remind yourself you’re doing the best you can- if indeed you are. I have to admit I haven’t been doing the best I can. Instead I chose to feel bad about myself. Unproductive for sure. Let’s not feel bad about ourselves and let’s not cause others to feel bad about themselves either. I do believe it’s a choice. And that’s all I’m going to say about that for awhile. I’ll be too busy endeavouring to practice what I preach.
The Red Plaid Apron 