Creatives Logic

Sitting here watching the flames rising up from the logs. Small blue flames framing orange embers. The warmth is beginning to fill the room as I snuggle beneath my fur blanket. All is quiet. Except the chimes on our deck that I can faintly hear now and then. All are in bed sleeping the cold away. Even my husband has not stirred and I think he is supposed to be ushering at church in forty five minutes. Will I wake him now? No, I won’t, as it’s probably too late at this point anyway. I’m thinking he must need the sleep if he hasn’t woken on his own yet. I’m sure there won’t be that large of a crowd on this -37 morning. I think whoever does show up can find their way to their seats on their own. (Ok, I got in big trouble for not waking him up…oops. Apparently we are not on the same page about these things).

I was probably just being selfish because I wanted to absorb this quiet warmth on my own and this is exactly the mini retreat I was looking for on this chili Sunday morning. My new status, working five days a week, doesn’t leave much time for reflecting and writing and reading. Not much time for quiet meditation and focused prayer. My weekends are now filled with housekeeping, grocery shopping, cooking, meeting with friends, connecting with mom and running errands. I’m not complaining. My recent employment is a blessing and a gift. For such a time as this. I know it’s where I am supposed to be, contrary to many of the resolves to do my own creative thing from now on.

I wanted to live the dream of working my bliss, but I neglected to responsibly set myself up to make this dream viable. So now I’m going back and crossing the T’s and dotting the I’s. A creative always creates like it’s her job whether it is or not.  I may not be decorating cakes or making butter tarts and pies for 400 anymore. I may not be decorating people’s parties or fancy hotels for Christmas anymore. I may not be designing and setting up wedding venues or giving people’s furniture new life anymore but those creative ideas and the practice of them never leave my heart.

I subconsciously bring my creativity into everything I do and have done in the past. It’s the way of creatives. The way I decorate and manage a home. The way I raised my kids and made holidays and special occasions into lasting good memories. The way I attempt to create our own traditions. The way I put together an outfit. The ways I have endeavored to bless others. Even the way I have served on committees. Always bringing my insane ideas to the table and making others query ‘you want to pull off what?’ The creative mind runs every waking hour.

And all the ways I truly want to leave my creative mark in the entrepreneurial world, well….. sadly, weren’t  happening because I was too busy responding to commission work. Which filled a much needed financial gap. I am grateful for that work. But I really wasn’t being true to my creative self. If that makes any sense to the more practical personality.

So now that I don’t have time for commission work, I will focus on those creative endeavors that are near and dear to my heart. Designing, creating and writing about beautiful things that make the world a better place to be. There is still much beauty in this world and I want my focus to be bringing it to the attention of those more cynical. I also believe that it’s still worthwhile even if you are just creating for the pure joy and love of it and no one else knows it’s exists.

You can put the girl in an office but you can’t take the creativity out of her veins.