Now here’s something you shouldn’t do unless you want to spend the next five days crying your heart out. Don’t go back and look at your Facebook albums from 2007 forward. That’s almost twelve years of memories. So often when I’m living and breathing in the moment, I can find a lot of things to be upset about. Sometimes anger. Often frustration. More often fear. Most often, sheer panic. Exhaustion. Despair. And I can hear my age old mantra playing on repeat on the victrola in my head ‘nothing ever turns out the way I plan”. Sigh.
But then I started browsing through those digital albums and I was reminded of how much of my life DID work out the way I planned. Maybe not the exact details and events but I did plan to raise a family and forge traditions, build memories and have a freaking good time doing it.
Just reliving the Grade 12 graduations of both of my kids brought tears to my eyes. I mean, only 18 years prior I was wondering if we could even keep them safe and alive.
We were able to get them a great education at a private school that valued family traditions and faith. We had so many amazing times at that school – parents and students. Both kids enrolled in its inaugural year (Lexie in grade 2 and Andrew in grade 5) and they graduated Grade 12 from this same school. Such an amazing blessing and so many wonderful memories. It was a lot like the Cheer’s pub, only in that ‘everybody knew your name’. The musicals, the missions trips, the banquets and bake sales. The field trips, the sports teams (yes, even my sports hating Andrew played basketball one winter), the art projects, the science fairs and the assemblies. All anything a mother could ever ask for for her darlings. I always loved school myself, so I was in there like a dirty shirt volunteering for any and everything. I may or may not have done quite a lot of the kids homework. I always loved homework. I saw my window of opportunity and took it. In hindsight, not such a stellar idea. I don’t think the schools’ motto of ‘life long learning’ was supposed to be taken to heart by the parents (in this way). However, I did pass – I mean, the kids did pass.
I cried all through the trips to Langley three falls in a row to take Andrew to University. We got him a car and let him drive himself the fourth year but found an excuse to come and visit end of September to lavish him with groceries and items from IKEA once again. I cried through the trips back then and I cried through them now. These memories turned out exactly like the Walmart ads where the families dropped their freshman off the first year and made a trip to Walmart to get all the things. Of course, running into a bunch of other students and parents doing the same thing. I felt so good leaving him at that campus every fall. Another, more humorous, memory was the time we were stopped for speeding, in a rental car on the Coquihalla and when the officer spotted the two older kids in the back she asked “Are you by any chance taking these kids to University?” and we said ‘yes’ and she asked ‘which university?’ and when we told her she said “I’m not going to give you a ticket because you’re going to need all your money for that one”.
Next I teared up through six albums of Lexie and my trip to Europe the summer she graduated. We had us a time. Wow. What a blessing to be able to take my wee girlee to London, Paris, Venice, Rome, Florence and Barcelona (including a week on a cruise ship). I will never forget. I’m not sure who was taking care of who or who was having more fun. Our song that summer was Viva la Vida by Coldplay. We heard it everywhere we went and we would stop in our tracks, transfixed, until it was over.
Due to the hospitality of some dear friends we were able to take the kids on two trips to the Big Island in Hawaii. We’d never ever been able to make this happen when the kids were young and here we were able to take these two amazing adults to Hawaii. And so much easier since I didn’t have to sit on the beach with my eyes peeled, ready to run and plunge if they got too close to the water. I just closed my eyes and listened to the waves or read my trashy beach novel. We had so much fun and made all the memories. It made my heart leap for joy to watch Mike and Andrew playing, like kids, in the waves.
I planned to get married and stay married and that’s working out. Hasn’t always been easy but I was intent on sticking with the plan. God has enabled Mike and I to build a beautiful, meaningful, sacred life together and to nurture a family and God has blessed us richly. I’ll never forget our 25th anniversary in the Dominican Republic and our 30th anniversary at Niagra falls. We didn’t do much for 35 but we’d been on several trips in other months and years and so what? Trips and gifts do not a marriage make. We are celebrating 38 this year and I just feel so amazingly blessed. Many folks don’t get this far and my heart breaks for them.
And then there was the house we had built nine years ago. We’re living in it now. Living the dream, so to speak. As I scanned through the photos from ground breaking to getting our keys, I was taken aback at how absolutely blessed we are. A favorite author of mine said “be careful that you are not complaining or taking for granted the very thing you prayed for ten years ago”. True words. Finally, we are in a home that we can do whatever we want to and I haven’t even touched this paint for nine years. I guess that’s because the color was my choice and I still really like it.
When I look back, I am reminded that we really did all the things. We made all the memories. We forged all the traditions. Life actually did turn out as I had planned. So as I assess our present circumstances, although they may not be how we pictured our lives would end up, I have to remind myself that this journey is not over yet. We are just passing through. We may have been living in the valley more recently but we live amongst the mountains, literally. I can always see the mountains literally and figuratively. We will have more mountain top experiences. I look forward to those. And even if nothing else ever turns out the way I planned from here on in, I’ve had it all. And then some. I truly have.
The Red Plaid Apron 