Follow the Yellow Brick Road

The days are fleeting and the weeks follow suit.   The months fly by and the years, too fast.  I am all too aware that a new year is upon us.  Upon me.  A new decade and now is the time for change and growth.  If not now, when?  I can’t let any more years slip through my fingers.  I can’t keep saying “I’m going to do this or I’m going to do that”.  I can’t keep staring fear in the face and backing down.  I can’t keep running from the years that keep adding themselves to my age.  I must do something.  Something that will have purpose and meaning.  My yes must be yes and my no must be no.  My head and heart are full of ideas and dreams and my person is full of God given skills and talents and inclinations that I must quit stuffing under the bed or in the closet.

I find myself at the start of this new year, once again, unemployed.  Not by choice.  Not by my choice.  So now what?  Now that the Christmas planning and busyness has ceased to keep me distracted, I have to face my situation, well….in the face.  What’s to become of me?  What am I supposed to be doing?  Whats my purpose?  Do I keep missing it?  or were all these ‘jobs’ part of my purpose? (This wasn’t my first lay off) I must also quit over thinking the whole thing.

As a Christ follower, that knows the character of the God I serve on a daily basis. I am familiar with His faithfulness and provision.  Aware of his love.  HE knows the plans He has for me and they are NOT to harm me but to prosper me and give me a future and a hope.  He knows what He is doing.  He is at work even when I am not.  Instead of dreaming up all my own plans and conjuring up possibilities and panicking to provide for myself, I’m just going to give it all over to Him this time.  I am tired of unnecessary self sufficiency.  I DO NOT have to make everything happen…ALL THE TIME.  Why do I think I do?   That’s one of the reasons to serve the Creator of the Universe because, hello?….He created the universe.  AND He created me and HE knows whats best for me. He knows what’s going on.  He knew what was going on long before I saw the things come to pass.

I always ask Him for a word, followed by some scriptures to back it up, for me to live by in the new year.  As of last night, I still didn’t have one and it was January 4, but I listened to a talk by Brene Brown and it just popped out at me.  My work for 2020 is ‘COURAGE’.

I love this quote from Kathleen Kelly in the movie ‘You’ve Got Mail’…”Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven’t been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn’t it be the other way around? “

Have I been brave?  I can’t honestly say I have never been brave because during certain crisis’ in my life I have, indeed, been brave. But the brave comes in waves and as of late, I don’t think I have been brave at all.  I have been letting fear bully me into complacency and resignation.  And I don’t like what that feels like.  So I am ready to do something brave again.  I just need to know what that’s going to be.

Actually, I was brave this past Christmas.  I prepared and hosted 27 people in three different homes for 17 days.  Brave or ‘out of my mind’.  But I made it to the other side. I made it til New Years eve and New Years day.  I survived and managed the discomfort (found out I am OCD – everyone else knew it but me).  Everything didn’t go as planned or as I had conjured up in my mind but guess what?  It was all OK.  Everyone had a great Christmas (a few siblings even tossed out the word ‘magical’) so, mission accomplished.  AND no one was aware of what didn’t work out (that was all in my mind).  I mean, it DID all work out.  Anything that didn’t seem to work out was all my own perception.  So I am marching into the New Year with a hint of bravery leftover from Christmas.  I need to use this bravery momentum to press on.

Courage?  What’s that going to look like for me?  Stay tuned.