I’ve been reading so much about purpose this 2020. And I have spent an exorbitant amount of time trying to figure out what mine is, I keep thinking…shouldn’t someone who is 62 already know what their purpose is? Some people suggest that I have already been moving in my purpose and don’t even know it. I certainly do not what to miss out on it.
I have had wishes for years. I wish this would happen and I wish that would happen and I wish I could do this and I wish I was good at this and I wish that was my lot in life. And why do I find myself, very often, not doing what I am truly good at or what nurtures my soul? As I have mentioned before, this last layoff had me more seriously considering a dream. There’s got to be more to life than 9-5, repeat, same old, same old. Everybody that’s doing something they love and are good at had to start somewhere. So I began to rationalize. Why can’t I have a dream? An actual dream! Not a ridiculous dream. But rather something that is quite possible. Well, highly improbable for me (us) given our fears, doubts and lack of where-with-all. But still. My mom showed me a quote from her recent bible study that said this, “Nothing happens until somebody starts dreaming. God cannot help you reach your goals if you don’t have any goals. He cannot fulfill your dreams if you don’t have any dreams. He cannot exceed your expectations if you don’t have any expectations”. This, of course, makes total sense.
Joanna Gaines suggest asking yourself these questions and writing out your answers. What do you want to be able to say about your life a year from now? Or at the end of this decade? What’s most important to you in life? What thrills you? What do you talk passionately about? If nothing stood in my way, what kind of life would I lead? SUCH A GOOD QUESTION.
Then she says: Now take that dream and define it. Then translate that vision into a tangible form as a physical reminder – a mini manifestation of what you want to see happen in yourself and in your life. Keep the vision before your eyes. Distill your vision into a single word….my word for the year is ‘courage’. So appropriate, because to push myself towards my dream will definitely take courage.
As I fill up my new journal with all my thoughts, fears, dreams, failures, desires, victories and questions, I see a theme emerging over and over again. What the rest of this paragraph is about, is not it. However, I am, if nothing else, a maker. I am creative and excited about making beautiful things. Whether these creations are paintings or sewn together or baked or cooked or require the use of my Cricut machine, I love to create something beautiful that did not exist before. So I have dragged myself down the alley of being a seller. Having an Etsy shop as a possibility. Making and selling things from my home or on Instagram. Recovering furniture. Making quilts and bridesmaid and graduation dresses. I even sold a painting once. Selling my favorite kitchen products at home parties. Believe it or not…I used to be a fitness instructor. Sold Tupperware. Worked in a mine. In a pizza joint, in the middle of the bald prairies for a week. In a hardware store. In a quilt shop – now we are getting closer to ‘me’. I’ve spend many years working as an Administrative Assistant in the corporate world, because everyone knows that’s where the big money is. The paid vacation, the benefits, the security…or not (given I have been laid off or let go of no less than five of these positions since 1985.)
I have even started and run my own business, teaching kids to sew and quilt, out of a basement studio my dad helped me build. I did this for six years. I started out with summer sewing camps and managed to get myself on the local breakfast TV show four years in a row. This is how I got my enrollment. The first year, the show just mentioned my endeavor along with the rest of the city’s summer camps being offered. The second year they asked me to bring some kids and some sewing machines to the studio to have us actually live on the show. That was exciting. The fourth year, they brought the cameras and the van to my studio and interviewed myself and the students and gave a tour of the studio I’d set up. When I think of it now, that was actually something I am proud of. I did that.
But as I journal, ponder and pray…this new dream is truly more of what I have been preparing myself for, for a long time now. I mentioned in a previous post, that what I can really see myself doing is moving to an acreage with a farm house (with a wrap around veranda) and land to grow flowers on (maybe construct a greenhouse for more variety) and a large white barn. My first purpose for the barn would be as a wedding venue but truly, I would like it to be a life events venue. I realize what I am really good at and what I love doing, is transforming something ordinary into something ‘other worldly’. Something dreamy. Something that will take your breath away. Something that will make you pee your pants. (I’ll have facilities on the premises).
As I reminisce, I realize I have already been doing that for years as I host tables at fundraisers, throw bridal showers to bless young girls, baby showers to usher in a new life, make a memorial service a celebration of life where people end up feeling comforted, transforming a friends home into a cruise ship for a 60th birthday party. Transforming my own living room into a Tuscan banquet venue. Hosting a family Christmas for twenty seven people that claim it was magical. My friends and colleagues think I am nuts most of the time, but I get lost in the creating an atmosphere. Creating a mood. Transporting people. Friends, family, guests. Not event planning, as I first thought was my calling…but transforming ordinary spaces into memorable places. I could do this by redecorating your home. But I really want to do it on a grander scale. And regardless of what society says about marriage in this day and age…people keep getting married. Women keep having babies. Kids keep graduating. Couples keep having anniversaries. Families keep gathering and loved ones keep passing on from this life to the next. I would love to play a part in making all of these events sacred and sensational. Fun and festive. Meaningful and memorable. I get carried away in the process and love to make the guests and families at these events feel they have been transported.
Whether I get my acreage, my farmhouse, my greenhouse (I know nothing about growing) and/or my white barn remains to be seen, but I WILL continue to pursue this dream and continue to do all the things.
The Red Plaid Apron 