Good, Good Father

How about these past six months dear folks? Unprecedented is a word that has been tossed around a lot. Unprecedented for this generation. The world has gone through worse and similar and survived. What choice did it have?

But us? Living in these times? I have asked the Father – as I’m sure many of you have – what am I to make of all of this? What am I to do? You see what’s happening down here and I don’t believe you are sitting up there having a good chuckle. I believe your heart is breaking to watch how we have struggled with all of this. I have to believe that you well know that there will be those of us that will mine for deep treasure and you will rejoice when we discover it because it is there. And you will sigh that it was worth it. And eventually, so will we.

I don’t know about you but my previous normal was filled to overflowing with self-indulgence and self-sufficiency. My measuring stick for the good life, my own comfort and ease. My own happiness. With a very low tolerance for pain and inconvenience. My mantra was more is better. And don’t mess up my indulged existence. Even as a believer who maintains trust in God i was taking care of business myself. Exhausting myself trying to make life happen the way I thought it should. And actually still wondering, what was I missing? Why was I making myself cozy down here when the Word clearly states that this world is not my home and that I can’t take anything with me. To not store up for myself treasures on earth but rather invest in the eternal. Treasures in heaven. It was like I was procrastinating. I had the head knowledge but not the heart experience.

In these short six months which have felt like six long years, the Father has made me so very aware of my misguided motivations and outcomes. He has been able to touch my heart.   I remember when my daughter was about five, we watched a movie where death was involved so I was compelled to explain to her what death was all about. When I was done she said ‘ so you mean eventually we are all going to die anyway?’ Yes, honey. She looked around the room and said ‘so what are we collecting all this stuff for?’ Indeed. Out of the mouths of babes.

In these six months I have come to realize what I can live without. What I can do without and where I don’t need to go and what I don’t need to do. All it took was six months of deprivation to realize I wasn’t really deprived at all. I’ve been able to focus on what’s important instead of what’s superficial. I mean, when you can’t get together with people and can’t go to social events or anywhere for that matter, you quickly learn what it’s like not to ‘put on the dog’ so to speak. Who am I trying to impress? Deeper yet… why am I trying to impress? Freedom. Now we are just so glad to see people we don’t care what they look like. Barbara Streisand used to sing that song ‘people who need people are the luckiest people on the world’ and life is truly about relationship. Our relationship with the Father and our relationship with others. Not just our loved ones but all of mankind. What we think of them and how we treat them and how we live life with them.

Eating is one thing that hadn’t been banned so we’ve been eating like it’s our job (since that is another thing that was taken away). We grocery shop because it was the only place we could go. We found comfort in food and baking and cooking. I’ve gone all Mormon on us and now have reserves in the basement to last us all winter. Sounds like a wise plan actually, but then there is this nagging story about the Israelites that keeps haunting me. Them and the manna. Don’t take more than you need for one day… the Lord will provide. Your excess will rot if you get greedy. What’s that repugnent smell coming from the closet? The basement? The garage?

Man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart. Very often I was out of touch with my very own heart. I was looking at my very own outward appearance and making assumptions of what was expected. These six months have helped me get in touch with my own heart. I am grateful for that. I never had time to spend six seconds pondering my motivations or my satisfaction level with the results. Now I’ve had six months. I was getting to the top of the ladder ok but it was up against the wrong wall.

I’ve done one purge since all this began, given I was spending copious amounts of time at home and all this stuff was closing in on me , screaming ‘you can’t take me with you’. And ‘all this stuff used to be money which you could have invested eternally’ and similar corrections. So I am compelled to do another purge because too much stuff occupies too much head and heart space. Where your treasure is there too will be your heart. Stuff is not my treasure. My people and my faith are my treasure. Even I was having a hard time realizing this when caught in the trap of self indulgence and self sufficiency.

But Father knows best. He knows we needed to be extracted from the rat race because we were exhausting ourselves running around in circles and believing there was no finish line. Just faster and faster and more and more. And who cares who you step on getting to the imaginary finish line for the imaginary win. Get off the track, breathe, rest, watch. What do you see? What I saw was a misguided, exhausted, fearful competitor that was looking for a better way. Relieved to actually be taken out of the race. I’m not a runner. I’m a walker. And I want to walk with my good, good Father. I want to hear his voice. Glean from HIs wisdom. Be guided by his truth and act accordingly.