Reflections on Motherhood

From the time I was old enough to conceptualize what I wanted my adult life to look like it always involved marriage and motherhood.  I assume this means that I liked what I saw in my own dysfunctional family.   I didn’t know we were dysfunctional at the time.  I thought we were normal and everyone else was weird.  But I digress…

I wanted marriage and motherhood (in that order) above all else.  I thought of going to design school for a split second.  I thought of becoming a pilot for a split second.  I thought of being an architect for a split second.  And a doctor for a millisecond.  My math ability would never have facilitated the latter two.  But I never for once wavered on Motherhood.

Pregnancy was not kind to me.  I basically turned into an alien blimp so I wasn’t keen on going through that too many times but when our first two efforts produced a boy and then a girl.  I was done.

Motherhood did not disappoint.  Well….sometimes it did. Well… a lot of times it did. You mothers know what I’m talking about. But in the big picture, it did not.  I’ve had the time of my life with these two kids.  Truly.  My life is so much bigger and richer because of them. Even if everything goes south from here on in, I have the past and it was grand. I know children are a gift from God  but I like to think I kind of had something to do with who they’ve turned out to be.  I’ll take ownership of the not so good so I can take ownership of the very good. I was just able to do so many things that I didn’t have the pleasure or opportunity to do when I was a kid, all in the name of motherhood. And who these kids have turned out to be has been a total pleasant surprise. I have no problem whatsoever saying “these are my kids”.  More pride than is probably healthy flows through my veins.

And all the sacrifices and things I have done for them I have done out of pure love (as pure as I can muster this side of eternity).  I have never done anything expecting reciprocation.  OK…that’s a lie.  I did expect reciprocation sometimes and was disappointed when I didn’t get it.  But then I go do the same thing again…out of love.  I’ve never really seen motherhood as a responsibility although it is very much that but more something I really wanted to do and really wanted to do well.  So I keep doing and sacrificing because I can’t help myself. And if some of my choices as a mother are wrong then I guess I’m a bad parent.  I’ll own that.  But if I’m loving my kids the wrong way then I guess…..I’m wrong,   But I’m still having the time of my life with them.  And on this Mother’s Day I’d just like to acknowledge that I wouldn’t change a thing.  Ok…there are a few things I would change. I mean who doesn’t make mistakes?  But I love being a Mother.  This doesn’t mean I don’t want to be spoiled on Mother’s Day kids.  Its good for your character.