Beware the Oodie

Beware the Oodie.  No it’s not a sea monster. Not the  Sasquatch. Not a zombie.  Not a ghost. The Oodie is basically a blanket you wear.  It has sleeves and a hood and a kangaroo pocket.  Made of fleece. Lined with fleece. Comes in very many cute motives.  Coffee,. Avocados. Sweettarts.  Pizza. Space.  Harry Potter etc.  But….I think it is made for people that have absolutely no life. Because that’s what happens when you put it on.  You become the laziest person on the planet.  It’s too bulky to do anything in.  You can’t cook in it.  You can’t vacuum in it.  You can’t iron clothes in it. You can’t sew in it.  You’d never paint in it.  You definitely cannot garden in it.  It’s the quintessential outfit for being sick.  You put it on and then find a comfortable chair to flake out in and that is where you’ll stay.  You won’t even want to move.  I sat there in my oodie thirsty for hours because I couldn’t bear to move.  I pulled that fleecy hood up around my phlegm-filled head and stuffed the kangaroo pockets with tissues and lay there in a coma for days.  LOL.  I did have to take it off to go to bed because it’s too warm and bulky to sleep in comfortably…laying down.  Easy to sleep while sitting in a chair.  It is very dangerous to put it on when you come home from work.  It feels SO good but forget about accomplishing anything that evening.  Maybe you need to do some of your todo list first and then put on the oodie. It’s like a superhero outfit.  Well actually it’s the opposite of a superhero outfit.  First off there is no room in a phone booth to change into it.  But in reality you turn into someone with very lame powers or virtually no power at all.  Once on,  the fleece consumes you and you give into it. You’re helpless against its lazy power. Its comfy power.  Its procrastination power.  Once again you are inside the womb.  It does give a sense of false security.  It feels safe.  But is it really?  All that fleece is probably highly inflammable. But, I digress….Don’t get me wrong.  I love this thing.  This hoodie. This sack of warmth and joy and comfort. It’s just very dangerous for anyone with any ambitions at all. I’m not putting it on tonight because I have things to do.  But maybe this weekend when the temperature plummets and the fireplace is lit and there’s a good stack of books and magazines within arms reach. And the remote control…  And maybe a drink and a snack….
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