The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

November 4, 2018November 5, 2018 geriraedean

Well here we are-November 3. I thought we’d never get here. The summer seemed to drag by with its annoying and excessive heat, its bugs, its hail storms and plant watering and over eating at many BBQ’s. Its skimpy dressing criteria when all you really want to do is hide under a great big sweater and scarf and not have to concern yourself with frequent pedicures and sun fading your hair color or people noticing your fleshy white aging legs or hammer toes in sandals. Whew. That’s over for another year. Good riddance.

Bring on the Christmas. Bring on the snow. Bring on the Starbucks Christmas rollout. Bring on the snuggling under a fur blanket by the fireplace with a hot beverage listening to all the Christmas tunes on Spotify. There is something about wandering around Chapters or Pottery Barn when all the Christmas goods are freshly lining the shelves and the flocked trees with twinkle lights are a presence. All the magic will be gone in a couple of months and even mid December things start looking a little haggard and picked over and redundant. But right now – its all fresh and new and lovely.

I winterized my closet this afternoon. No – I didn’t put snow tires on it but I did push all the skimpy pastel clothes to the back of the wall and fold others into buckets underneath the hanging stuff. Now all the cozy sweaters, scarves and boots are in full view, ready to be grabbed for when next its snows or blizzards or I just feel like taking a walk in the cool, crisp outdoors. It takes on a totally new look. Plus I found many items that I forgot I had, which will come in quite handy since I’m off superfluous shopping for awhile.

And tonite the time changes. We gain an hour, which I usually like to enjoy while I am awake. It’s as if it didn’t happen if I sleep through it. As a result it will now be dark by 6:00pm which adds to the reality of the season that is upon us. For those that work, they rarely will see the light of day anymore. Life will be lived in the dark, except for weekends. Because of this I do tend to get more sleep in the winter. These past few weeks I have mistakenly thought it was about midnight when it was really only 8:00pm.

I have started entertaining thoughts on how I will decorate our home for the Christmas season this year. Since I’m sworn off shopping I will have to make due with what I had last year and the year before that and the year before that. Anyone that knows me, knows with absolute certainty that I need nothing new by way of Christmas decor. It was good enough for the last 5 years, its good enough for this year. I just have to be creative – which is not a huge challenge for me – to come up with something new out of what I already possess. Let the games begin.

I will admit I do not enjoy white knuckle winter driving (I’m not a total freak). I just pray that I won’t have to venture out in too many snow storms this year. I do get distracted by the beauty of snow and that distracted driving law is still in effect. But seriously, that is really the only thing I don’t like about winter. Cold temperatures? Put more clothes on. No visibility? Stay home. Furnace breaks? Go to Mom’s. Window sills freeze and paint cracks? Repaint in the summer. Water pipes freeze and burst? Call insurance and start redecorating.

I’ve purged the basement once again and simplified a little more and we’ve also cleared out the garage (which is where I take everything that I don’t want in the house anymore) so we could park two of the cars in it before the next snowfall. The freezer is stocked with Hutterite chickens, pies, tarts and casseroles. I’m settling in for a long winters nap (I actually did have a nap yesterday when I found myself at home earlier than I anticipated. Decadent, I know). There are books to be read, movies to be watched and tunes to be listened to. The winter tires are going on and we are ready for ‘the most wonderful time of the year’.

The 3rd Place

October 18, 2018January 1, 2019 geriraedean1 Comment

When the kids were young one of our favorite places to go was Blockbuster. It was such a happening place. If we felt like our lives were dull and boring we just went to Blockbuster and rented a movie because through movies the whole world was at our fingertips. For some reason we just felt part of something bigger than our own tiny lives . Walking through the aisles hobnobbing with all those actors and all those stories.

Well there’s probably a lot of you that don’t remember Blockbuster. It was the place that you went to rent movies, VHS, no less. You basically rented them for a few days to watch in the comfort or your own living room and you had to have them back on time or there was an added monenetary penalty. There was one in every neighborhood. Netflix, AppleTV, CraveTV and the like, pretty much put it out of business. It reminded me of Shop Around the Corner in the movie “You’ve Got Mail”. True, these new online options are much more convenient but when I witnessed the demolition of the Blockbuster that we affectionately called our own, it was indeed the end of an era.

Currently, the magic place that took over this role in our lives is the local Chapters/Starbucks. Well, it certainly did for me anyway. It rings similar to Petula Clark’s ‘Downtown”. I have been trying to spend more time at home these days, not driving around wasting gas or time and just crafting my business from my basement but after a couple of long days a home, on my own, I’ve just got to get out and where do I get out to? You guessed it. Chapters/Starbucks. An excellent combination that I wish I had come up with. I am there a lot. When I say a lot, I mean the sales clerks and barista’s know my name and my preferences. I have lengthy conversations with them. I meet most of my friends there. So I am probably seen as a social butterfly but seriously, I spend a lot of time there on my own. Very often my daughter will meet me there and we will ooh and awe over the latest magazines while sipping a peach green tea lemonade. Or my husband will join me and stand in the sports magazine aisle sipping a frappacino while browsing a magazine. He doesn’t venture out into the book part of the store as he hasn’t much interest in books. My son will come to peruse the books and grabbing a beverage will be secondary to him as he really is much more interested in the books (and he works at Starbucks). Its the place that my mom and I spend every Sunday afternoon at. She loves to browse the gift section of the store as she always has someone she has to buy a gift for. We taste-test the latest beverages and consume every last bag of sweet bbq chips. We are very put out when they don’t have them.

Howard Schultz, the founder of Starbucks, in a book I read about Starbucks, explains how he wanted Starbucks to be the third place. The first place being home, of course and the 2nd place being where we work and the 3rd place was meant to be Starbucks. Someone in my family was quoted as saying ‘Coffee isn’t just a beverage, its a way of life’. Well, I must say Howard worked his magic on me because I don’t even drink coffee and its actually my 2nd place. I am more likely to drink the kool-aid, if you know what I mean. There is just something about walking through the door of a Starbucks. The smell of the coffee beans. The people huddled around tiny tables engrossed in conversations or secrets, completely oblivious to the world around. At least they appear oblivious when you are hovering for an empty table and they pretend they don’t even see you. Starbucks or Chapters could probably start charging for the tables. There are many customers that are there every single time I am and I think to myself “Don’t they have a life?”. Ding Dong….I’m there and they are probably thinking the exact thing about me. Every movie night ends at Starbucks…very often with friends. Some come with us and some we just accidentally meet there. Every good road trip starts with a Starbucks beverage. Sometimes I have even jokingly called it my ‘other church’. I have spent hours there with my iPad and journal and notebook, writing, journaling and planning my life, doing bible study homework and talking to my Creator with the written word. Often it has become a hallowed place. I would love to think that I bring God’s presence to every space I occupy for the time that I occupy it at least. Not sure if this is happening but that would be my goal.

But the truth is, this venue is a very large and crucial part of my life. And I am not embarrassed to admit that. Maybe I should be. And its not just Starbucks….I LOVE Chapters. Love walking every aisle and discovering what is new for the season. They have really embraced the gift giving demographic. Chapters has beautiful wares – I want them all but of course, I cannot. They say the best gift is the one you want for yourself so many a wonderful gift is found in this sanctuary. And I love the books. I truly do. One day I want to see a book I wrote lined up on the Best Sellers shelf. Probably more likely to end up on the $3 table in the back but I don’t care, at least it will have meant that I wrote it. I’m working on it.

One of the most meaningful aspects of Starbucks/Chapters….well more Starbucks, I guess…is that my entire family from Vancouver to Toronto and as far away as New Zealand, all feel the same way we do about the place and we know that its very likely that at any given time at least one other of us will also be sipping a decadent beverage from this establishment. Yes…its expensive. When I think about the amount of my paycheque I have given up to these two places…well I don’t even want to think about it. Please don’t make me think about it. I just want to keep loving it. Keep spending time there. Keep meeting my family and friends there. Keep running into the strangers I know so well there. It does have its own heartbeat and pulse and I’m not planning on quitting anytime soon. Unless, of course, I hear from heaven.

People Who Need People

October 18, 2018October 18, 2018 geriraedean1 Comment

My church is not the large gathering of believers that fill the sanctuary every Sunday morning but, rather, the small group of couples we meet with on a weekly basis in one of our homes. We have belonged to one of these small groups off and on (mostly on), since our kiddos were littles. The nature of the groups has evolved over the years and people have come and gone. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. The demographic was whatever stage of life we were at.

When our kids were young, the couples in our group had young children also. I can remember nights where everyone brought thier littles and we banished them to the basement with the dog and some junk food never to be heard from again until their parents called them to surface because they were leaving. It’s a school night you know.

Every summer we would gather together for a camping trip. Those camping trips were delightful and great memories were made. The guys (I mean the men….the dads) chasing each other around the campsite with rubber tubing full of water, hidden under their clothes, spraying any unsuspecting camper (in our midst) who might be reading or relieving themselves or just innocently roasting a marshmallow around the campfire. We had a complex system of tarps set up between all the sites in case it rained (when didn’t it?). The moms would spend the week prior baking and then we would all share the spoils with other families. One year we had a campsite decorating contest. One family decorated their trailer like a gingerbread house. One lucky family had a motor home with a heater while the rest of us froze in our tents on the cold ground. There were no hard feelings. Well not much.

We celebrated all the special events just like the new testament church, sharing our food and our resources. We prayed for all the tribulations as well. We actually had a family whose Mr. had to go to prison, we saw the wife and kids through that. We had another family find out their husband and father had some very secret and dangerous pathologies. We prayed each other through brain tumors , job losses, childhood diseases and accidents, education choices, pregnancies, birth defects, divorces, death of parents and every other manner of struggles such as are common to mankind. We blessed the less fortunate whenever possible and we always involved our kids so they would learn what charity and compassion is. We weren’t entirely successful.

There were a few years when our group kind of disintegrated and people moved on to other phases of life or different church bodies or left the city entirely. I must say that our lives felt much more onerous and we did some serious falling apart during those lonely years. As Barbra Streisand sang “people who need people are the luckiest people in the world”. I have found that to be so true.

As we navigated our particular journey, the Lord led us to another community of believers and due to the massive gathering of people here we realized that we needed the intimacy of a smaller group of friends, so we began the hunt for the ‘just right’ group of couples once again. We are a motley crew tied together by our faith in Christ. We may not have befriended these particular people on our own but under the umbrella of our small group, we fit well. We have shared our stories with each other week after week and are humbled by how ‘the same’ we really are. In this new group (10 years old now) , all of our kids are grown and we are facing aging and retirement and grand-parenting. Some of us would like to retire but can’t. Some of us would like to grandparent but haven’t had that opportunity. Some of us are just trying to keep our adult kids from imploding. Some of us our just trying to keep ourselves out of financial ruin. Some of us are dealing with health issues that threaten our very existence. We have become extremely vulnerable with group of ‘friends become family’.

We bond as we pray and share the challenges our adult families are facing. Frequently we break bread together and a party breaks out. We share advice and mentor or encourage whomever is needing it most. We have provided meals for anyone in the group who is undergoing medical or financial stresses. We have walked some dear friends through deep loss. Some of us have holidayed together. Some of us have made salsa together. Some of have gone on motorcycle trips together. We have attended the weddings of each other’s kids. Many of us have become grandparents. We frequently turn our gatherings into social events and there is nothing wrong with that. We study the nuances of God’s word together and endeavor to figure out what it all means and how He meant for it to be applied to our lives in the here and now. We glean the wisdom each has in their areas of experience. We learn from each other and we encourage each other. We laugh. We cry. We pray. We rejoice. We celebrate. We empathize. We support.

I believe a big factor in bonding with our band of believers are the opportunities we have to serve together. Making meals at a local children’s hospital, packing shoe boxes for kids in 3rd world countries, delivering food hampers to struggling families at Christmas and Easter, blessing one of our own, struggling with cancer, by leaving gifts on their doorstep. Our latest challenge may be trying to do out part in taking care of God’s amazing earth that He has so graciously left us here to steward.

We have a commitment to this group of people because we cherish them. We depend on them. We need them. We love them. And, frankly, I don’t know how we would thrive or survive without them. We are so grateful not to be alone as we journey this crazy, mad, backwards, upside down world.

Less Comparison. More Compassion.

October 16, 2018October 18, 2018 geriraedean

When I say I’m taking a break from feeling bad about myself it doesn’t mean I’m going to just let myself… go to hell, so to speak. It means I’m not going to be motivated by feeling bad about myself. I’m still going to engage in beneficial, ‘good for you’ activities. I’m just not going to do them from the miry bottom of a pit of low self esteem.

I am what I am. In this moment, and I’m working towards extreme self care and improvement but I’m not going to feel bad about myself every step of the way there. On my way to where I’d like to be. I’m going to remind myself that I deserve to take care of myself. This doesn’t entail materialistic self indulgence. It entails love, discipline and reordering my priorities. And self care also isn’t about about selfcenteredness or selfishness. At least it doesn’t have to be. It’s not narcissism. It’s stewarding my health, my time and my resources to the glory of God, not because I really should do something about the image the world is holding me accountable for.

Nobody really cares about my girth, my aging process, or the management of my days, hours and bank account like I think they do anyway. And if for some reason any of this has become the subject of judgemental conversation- well, that’s on the people talking about it. What people say about me is none of my business.

I’m going to love myself and enjoy myself and others and the seasons and my blessings inspite of the fact that I’m not living up to the worlds expectations for me. Seriously, can anybody?

I can’t change anything physical overnight so I’m going to love myself thru to transformation how ever gradual or minute that may be. If this is how I stay forever, inspite of my best efforts- then so be it. I’ll have a new glorious body and life soon enough. I’m not going to let my perceived imperfections keep me from getting to it.

Discipline and priorities. Acceptance and love. Living in the moment as opposed to ‘for’ the moment. Don’t judge. Flee from it. Because you WILL judge others with the same criteria that you judge yourself. I know this from experience, I’m ashamed to admit. Be full of joy. Grateful. Love people. Be kind. Don’t try to figure out everything. Be comfortable with not having all the answers. Harshness? Shun the thought. Kind is the new harsh.

Just remind yourself you’re doing the best you can- if indeed you are. I have to admit I haven’t been doing the best I can. Instead I chose to feel bad about myself. Unproductive for sure. Let’s not feel bad about ourselves and let’s not cause others to feel bad about themselves either. I do believe it’s a choice. And that’s all I’m going to say about that for awhile. I’ll be too busy endeavouring to practice what I preach.

Cut Yourself Some Slack Girlfriend

October 13, 2018October 13, 2018 geriraedean

I think I’m going to take a break from feeling bad about myself. Its time. Its so tiring. Plus feeling bad about myself means I am constantly thinking about myself. I’m so boring. I don’t want to think about me and my shortcomings and failings for a bit. I know at some point I need to make some improvements but for now I am taking a break.

Its so onerous to always feel like you’re a big fat failure. Can’t keep a job. Can’t get a job. Can’t lose weight. Can’t manage your finances. Can’t keep up with your domestic duties. Can’t manage your time the way the world says you should. I’m tired of feeling guilty for watching Netflix. Feeling guilty for sitting in a chair reading when the house is a mess. Feeling guilty that the house is a mess in the first place. Feeling guilty when I go to bed early. Feeling guilty because I still don’t have my own business up and running. Feeling guilty because I would rather be creating than selling out to a job that pays the bills. (I realize this is necessary but hello? I want to do my bliss).

All my parenting mistakes flood my mind and I convince myself I should have done so much better. I should be a better wife. I should be a better friend. I should be a better daughter. I should write more. I should create more. I should have gone on a missions trip. I should be changing the world. And why can’t I find time to play the piano? And why don’t those clothes fit anymore? Why are my eyelids drooping? And my jowls? And why does my lipstick bleed? And why are my feet and legs always cramping up, trying to kill me with the pain? Why is my yoga video so hard these days?

Why is there so much stuff in this house? Why am I continually purging? Why do I love butter tarts and french fries so much? Why do I like staying up late (maybe because its too painful to go to bed…that’s when the hip flares up…and the leg cramps). Yes I am taking Magnesium. Why do I do the things I don’t want to do and don’t do the things I want to do?

Instead of searching for the answers to these questions that bombard me day after day, I am going to be kinder to myself. I am going to treat myself the way I would treat a cherished friend. I am going to talk nice to myself. Encourage myself. Accept myself. Be grateful for myself. Not be so hard on myself. Be patient with myself. Not blame myself all the time. Not berate myself. Not doubt myself. Not dwell on past mistakes because…. Grace. Realize I am doing the best I can at this time. I’m not purposely trying to be a failure…it just happens sometimes. So what? Its not the end of the world.

I am a person worthy of love and so I am going to love myself more. Ease up and put my arm around myself. Talk wisdom and healing to myself (well I’ll let His word do that). I am going to spend more time seeking the creator of the universe because I know He loves me more than anyone and He loves to spend time with me. He accepts me just the way I am. He is patient with me. Endearingly so. He wants me to succeed. He has given me everything I need for life and godliness.

And He doesn’t expect me to be a size 4…ever. (especially since the last time I was a size 4 I actually was 4) He doesn’t expect me to be perfect. He doesn’t expect me to have it all together all of the time. He doesn’t expect me to know it all, all at once. He doesn’t expect me to run a marathon. He doesn’t expect me to drive a standard. He doesn’t expect me to look 25 when I am 60. He doesn’t expect me to paint like Trishia Romance. He doesn’t expect me to enter and win the next Great Canadian Baking show (although I’d love to try).

And maybe, just maybe, when I let myself off the hook and quit feeling bad about myself – all the time – some of the changes I would love to see will start to happen. When I quit striving so hard. When I cut myself some slack. When I quit putting undo importance on unimportant things. When I focus on joy and peace and not living up to the worlds expectations. When I relax and enjoy this precise moment. When I am more grateful that regretful. Maybe then I will enjoy who I am. Who God made me to be. Here goes…..join me?

One Work Day Morning

October 13, 2018October 13, 2018 geriraedean

Repost from October 11, 2012

James Earl Jones was on the LRT this morning. Well not really but it could have been his double. They say everyone has a lookalike somewhere. The diversity of people you bump up against on the train is amazing (and I do mean ‘bump up against’). Yesterday I was sitting in front of a Europeon woman wearing a Hermes scarf, a Michael Kors bags and Burberry reading glasses. She was clearly engrossed in a book titled “The Last Love Letter or the The Last Letter from my Lover”….anyway, I watched her gasp with her eyes as she read one page and could see the distress in her expression which gave way to a smile and a sigh as she turned the page. A man was jumping for the open seat next to me so he could read his ‘real’ book…Insomnia by Steven King. He was clearly riveted. Many others read their Kindles and Kobo’s or playing games on their cellphones or texting. Not too much conversation. Yesterday a young girl got up an offered me her seat. I asked her if she was getting off at the next stop and she just smiled so I accepted the seat and she didn’t get off at the next stop or the next one and I thought “I must look pretty decrepit if she gave me her seat…YIKES!” One FB friend suggested maybe the girl just happened to be the last youth in town that had any respect and another FB friend said is was probably because I was teetering on 5 inches heels…In reality, it could have been either. This morning I managed to arrive 15 minutes earlier than usual (which is the time I have been aiming at for over 2 months now). Funny how the first morning with snow I end up 15 minutes earlier to an almost empty train…hmmm? Where do I want to sit?? As we approach downtown and the doors open at the first stop I hear church bells chiming in the cold darkness and then get off at my stop to accept the Metro and Herald from warmly clad barkers passing out the news. I grab a couple of publications in case I get a lull in the day and turn the corner to face the cold wind of 6:50am in the morning. I do not overlook the mini lights that line the arches of the historical Bay building…such a welcoming sight to start the day. I enter my building and am greeted by the cheerful man that is standing there everyday…he must come in at 5:00am (probably a former Walmart employee). I head for my bank of elevators and smell the coffee wafting from the main floor Starbucks…I’ll be right back down for that, I think to myself. When I arrive at my floor, its darkness. The lights are motion sensitive so the overwhelming darkness tells me that many are not in yet. As I walk to my office the lights go on after each step. I sort through my lunch, papers, books, extra shoes and get myself setup for the day. Then its back to Starbucks for a Tazo Chai. The line up is reasonable today. Another group of people that must arrive at 5:00 am so no one has to have an early morning meltdown when their addictive stimulant is not available. The lobby of our building is totally decked out for fall with pumpkins everywhere and leaf posters and leaves in the windows…it quite awesome actually. I really do feel like I am in New York with the hustle and bustle of early morning office life and the amenities and landmarks one finds in downtown Calgary. I am working in the 2nd tallest building in Calgary with 49 floors – I’m on the 8th. A nice safe distance from the ground and yet still a bit of a view. And I’m still texting my daughter living in London…we started texting on the LRT and on it goes. For her it is early afternoon. And, by the way, I’ve found a new driving route to get to the LRT parking…through a beautiful residential area that keeps me away from the all the traffic backups at the two lights one has to navigate to get into the LRT parking lot. So its ALL good. My new downtown lifestyle and routine. I think I’m gonna like it here.

When you’re alone

And life is making you lonely,

You can always go downtown

When you’ve got worries,

All the noise and the hurry

Seems to help, I know, downtown

Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city

Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty

How can you lose?

The lights are much brighter there

You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares and go

Downtown, things’ll be great when you’re

Downtown, no finer place for sure,

Downtown, everything’s waiting for you

The Best Excuse for a Holiday

October 9, 2018 geriraedean

After this past week, month, year….I agree with whoever penned the words ‘Stop the world, I want to get off’. But that is not really a choice I, or any of us, have is it? We have to plow through… whatever. We live in a world gone mad. No seriously. Most of the happenings don’t even make sense anymore. Where are the wise men? I guess its true that there were only three of them and they are gone. So sad. Maybe that’s the reason we celebrate Christmas in honor of those last three wise men. I am sure you have heard the axiom ‘wise men still seek Him’. That for sure is true. Maybe if we looked really, really hard we could find some wise men and women with their Bibles cracked open and their knees bent in prayer and supplication. Men and women with a direct line to the Almighty interceding on behalf of the world. There is no arguing we need it.

In John 16, Jesus explains the way of things to the disciples and what is about to happen (and He is saying this for our benefit in the here and now) He concludes with “I am telling you these things that you may have peace. In this world you WILL have trouble, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world (for you)”. There are many passages where it is explained how the world would evolve into madness but we do not have to succumb to the madness. We don’t have to be paralyzed by fear. We don’t have to lean unto our own understanding. He is never leaving us or forsaking us. He is here. Emmanuel. God with us. Oh right, that is why we celebrate Christmas.

I believe that God was and is all about the celebrations. He gave explicit instructions to His people how to commemorate everything that He ever did for them and He did a lot. He is a believer in celebration. This weekend we celebrate ‘Thanksgiving’. Thank goodness someone came up with this idea in a kinder, gentler era and we are still allowed to celebrate it. So, I, for one, am going to celebrate with flare. I always do. Give me an opportunity to celebrate and I’ll be there with duct tape and wire and push pins. I’ve got my table set and chicken thawing and my pumpkin pies bought (because Costco’s are the best). I’ll whip the cream. My pumpkins painted. Oh you didn’t know you were supposed to paint pumpkins?? Well orange is such a garish color and given my house is decorated in black, orange makes the place look like Halloween. Painted Pumpkins…it sounds like a rock group. I digress….

I have so much to be grateful for. Even if its just the fact that in a world full of chaos and fake news and insanity I hold the truth close to my heart. It is my compass. My true north. I can see evidence of God’s presence and power in everyday circumstances and things. I am so grateful He has opened my eyes to see. So grateful for my family gathered around me…literally. Grateful for health and wealth. And we are wealthy in all the ways. We have amazing friends. Friends that would help us bury the body (to coin a new description for true blues). We have shelter and safety (well as safe as one can be these days). I would not have a problem finding three things to be grateful for each and every day, which is supposed to be an excellent way to have a better life BTW.

So I will celebrate the holiday of ‘Thanksgiving’ with enthusiasm and joy and freedom for as long as is possible. No one can stop me from celebrating Thanksgiving in my heart all the time. Its a great excuse for a holiday.