I don’t know about you but I go back and reread my journals sometimes.  A practice I think I’m going to quit.  It seems as I read them….I am still stuck in the same place.  And I think…what is the matter with you woman?  Why have you not moved on yet?  Why have you not conquered these things?  Why are you still in the same place?  Like the Israelites in the desert for 40 years.  Why were they still in the desert when it was supposed to be an 11 day trip?  Well….It was their own fault.  AND maybe God needed to teach them a few things?  Ya think?
Maybe He needs to teach me a few things and I am just being totally lazy and dumb.  I don’t want to be in the desert forever….eating manna and parched.  Rubbing the sand out of my eyes and nursing cracks in my heels.  I’d really rather be in the lush promised land of milk and honey and water falls and fresh fruit.  Walking through the lush grass in my barefeet.  Having learned all the lessons of wisdom and bravery.  That’s where HE wants me to be.  But for some reason, I’m lollygagging.  Is it because I’m having so much fun in the desert?  A resounding ‘no’.  Oh, its had its moments…just like the Israelites…they had some ups…just enough to keep them going and thirsting for more of God’s provision and protection.  But they were easily distracted and disillusioned.  And I guess I get that way too.  We live in the present circumstances and try to do what we can on our own to improve things and fail…when we could be keeping our eyes on Him instead and trusting Him because he is everything we need and want. And yet…..we keep taking our eyes off Him and thinking somehow we can do things better ourselves.  Well at least, that’s what I tend to do.  Why do I have SO much confidence in myself when I keep failing and messing things up?  It’s not because it’s so much fun.  I’ve got to give my head a shake.
So…this year I am determined to ‘get it’.  At least better than I have been.  I am old enough to have gleaned more wisdom. Maybe that IS why I am inspired to go back and read old journals so I can be aware that I need to make more progress.  I know there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus…but hello?  Everything we do down here matters for eternity and I am now closer to the end than I am to the beginning.  I can’t waste anymore time.  Then again, maybe the things I want to achieve and accomplish and overcome are not the same things on God’s list for me.  Maybe those are my ‘ things’  My hang ups and maybe that’s not where I am supposed to concentrate my efforts.  Maybe those things aren’t important in the big scale of things.  And God doesn’t want me getting tripped up by those self imposed ‘goals’.  It doesn’t do any good to make it to the top of the ladder only to find out its leaning on the wrong wall.
So I guess this year I’ll ask God what HE wants me to do.  What He wants me to focus on.  What He wants me to conquer.  I’ll ask for His guidance and His help and His provision and listen for His voice.  So before I make that New Years list, I am going to do a lot of praying and listening and hope that the words and goals that come out of my pen are His…for me. Not that I haven’t prayed about this before….but I usually pray that God will help me accomplish MY goals.  I’ve prayed that He would get me to where I want to be in life.  So this year….I will ask what He wants me to do and where He wants me to be and for Him to help me do His will for my life.
What can I say?  I’m a slow learner.  I’m an Israelite.  That’s why that  story is in the Bible.  And I’ve often wondered how they could be so stupid.  Oy Vey

Well, it’s November 25th.  One month until Christmas day.  But not one month until Christmas.  Christmas is now.  I’ve written this before,  but I feel I need to give us a gentle reminder to start enjoying the season.  This beautiful season of peace, joy and hope. I was thinking of the people that literally do not celebrate Christmas.  For them it is not about Jesus’ birth.  They don’t believe that happened.  How sad that they miss out on all the blessings, love, hope and assurance  that Jesus wants to give us.  He’s running after us with these things.  He’s in hot pursuit. And so… since Christmas is one of the Christian holidays that is pregnant with meaning (see what I did there) for those of us that believe,  we should be the best at celebrating it.
There are also a lot of people celebrating Christmas that don’t actually know what it means.  They think it’s the gifts and the food and the clothes and the parties and the trips and the stress….and the loneliness. And so they get all caught up in finding the perfect gift for someone or everyone.  They stress over food and entertaining.  They spend money they don’t have to impress people they don’t know or at least, don’t really care about. Some go on trips to get away from it all..all the hoopla.  Bah Humbug.
Why did God send his only son, Jesus, into this dark and scary world?  Because we needed Him.  And they shall call His name Emmanuel….which means ‘God with us’.  God knew we needed Him to be with us.  He knew we needed a tangible presence.  As a Christ follower,  I can feel His presence.  And I humbly admit, I need it.  I need Him.  I read something on Instagram that asked the question, ‘Can you go to Heaven without the Holy Spirit?” and the response was “Bro, you can’t go to Walmart without the Holy Spirit”.  Funny cause it’s true.  Many people DO go to Walmart without the Holy Spirit and it shows.
I know Christmas is difficult for many people that are alone or in poverty or sick or dying.  But it’s up to us to make Christmas better for them.  Who else is going to do it? And remind them that Christmas is just the starting point of all this “God with Us”.  It’s not the end. And they can have everything Jesus is offering and that’s the best gift of all.
Often we give money to the Salvation Army or go fill shoe boxes an Samaritan’s purse or serve food on Christmas Day at a soup kitchen.  Some people actually adopt a needy family and make Christmas so special for them.  And these are all amazing things to do. I love the quote by Charles Dickens “I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year”.  Now that’s what I am talking about.
I’ve given myself over to contemplating Advent. Advent actually means hoping and waiting for something that’s coming. And I don’t think it has anything to do with Amazon. Even though, that’s where I get most of my Christmas shopping done.  I digress.  What are we, in this present age, hoping for?  I’m hoping and waiting for Christ’s return.  On that first Christmas they were waiting for him to come for the first time.  And He came as was promised by the prophets of old.  But this time…..He’s coming back and so I feel very connected to the season of Advent.  I feel it’s so relevant, even now. And that’s the joy and hope that fill my heart and make it leap for joy in this Christmas season.
Not that I don’t love the lights, and the decor and the real Christmas tree and getting together with family and friends.  I DO love the glitz and the glamour.  And the feel good Christmas movies.  The snow softly falling. The cinnamon and hot chocolate.  The baking.  The delectable food. The nostalgia.  The games and the puzzles.  The skating and the skiing.  And Jesus DID say occupy until I come so I’m just doing what He told me.  I am living my best life while I wait for His return. and SO….you will find me sitting by the fireplace reading a book or watching a Hallmark movie and sipping hot chocolate or eggnog.  You may see me at a Christmas party or two having the time of my life.  (It doesn’t take much these days…lol).  I will be at church singing all the carols and also singing in my car with the music turned up full blast. I will go on a tour of the lights.  I think the lights are my favorite thing.  As I drive by large evergreens all lit up for Christmas and laden with snow,  I whisper an unheard thank you to whomever did those.  And also to the homes that really put in an effort to light up Christmas…thank you. I get giddy just driving by. I’ve been known to wrap every single little trinket or gift in a large separate box just so I can wrap things and deck them out.    Christmas morning over here looks like an embarrassment of riches but when all is said and done, there’s not much to show for it.  I do love buying a great gift tho.  Love to hear those oohs and ahs.
So for the next month I am going to be celebrating Christmas as best as I know how.  Every single day.  Grateful to be in a position to be a giver and hopefully spreading joy and cheer to everyone I come in contact with.
God Bless Us Everyone.

After some deep and prolonged soul searching, I have come to the decision to close my at home baking business.  I will not be doing my usual Christmas baking (cookie boxes) or valentines offerings.  I will not be doing random cakes and cookies for special occasions or butter tarts or pies.  I also will not be sewing for others or altering clothes or whatever.  I will not be decorating anything outside of the home. These skills or talents have served me well over the years of being laid off work (multiple times) and through the pandemic.  For over 40 years I have been using my creative skills as a side hustle in all sorts of way.

As most of you that know me are aware, my health has taken a hit over the last few years and one of the important things I need to do to take care of my health is to eliminate as much stress as possible.  Turns out my body and mind are not that good at dealing with stress.  Even good stress.  The body doesn’t know the difference between good and bad stress.  SO….in the interests of being in the best possible health at this stage of my life I am on a quest to eliminate stress.  There are many stresses in life we can’t just toss out the window…we have to learn to deal with them but this creative side hustle is definitely something I am going to learn to live without.

I am looking forward to not having to invent transport boxes for cakes.  Not having to run around and find the best price on butter.  Its gotten SO expensive.  Last Christmas I had to navigate a sugar shortage.  Or burning a batch of butter tarts and having to make a new batch to make up the numbers.  Waiting at home for clients to pick up baking.  Keep the dog from going ballistic when the doorbells rings. Staying up too late and ending up with a cold.  I don’t seem to have the patience to perfect my icing consistency  so cookies look their best.  Yes I have loved being tucked away in my cozy kitchen in December,  in the middle of snowstorm,  while others are out navigating traffic,  baking up a storm inside but I guess I just don’t appreciate that like I used to.  Now I actually have an outside job – that is perfect for me – and that’s about all I want to take on these days.

Thank you for all your support and orders when I got on the gram with my pictures and advertising  Every order made me jump for joy.   The confidence you had in me to bake and deliver a quality product. I have loved being a part of your Christmases and special occasions. But its time for this baker to move on.  I will still bake I just won’t be baking more than fits in my freezer and the belly’s of my people.

July 15 and ‘the greatest outdoor show on earth’ is over. I mean is it?  The greatest outdoor show on earth??  I sort of think the Rocky Mountains are the greatest outdoor show on earth.  Or the northern lights.  Or the place where two oceans meet. Or an African safari.  Anyway, it’s over for another year. And it seems a sort of calm peacefulness has settled over the city.  I’m  glad they do it in the first half of July so we can have the rest of the summer to …summer.  And enjoy a slower energy.

We were a little more involved in the Stampede this year because my daughter was part of a floral event that was held on the grounds.  So that meant driving down to the stampede grounds several times to set up and design, to replenish and to tear down.  I accompanied her to one of the replenishments and to the tear down.  Plus we had family in the city during Stampede so we went to the grandstand show one evening. When in Rome…. I hadn’t been for many years and it was surprisingly…fun?  Interesting?    Just being in that Stampede culture, that totally isn’t me in any way, was an experience. The heart attack food.  The scary, weird rides.  The country music (which I have always considered to be an oxymoron). The chuckwagon races were entertaining. The floral displays added a touch of class to the whole thing. The grandstand show…so, so.  The drone show and the fireworks were the piece de resistance. And the mood on the exhibition grounds after midnight is a total different vibe than it is during the day. With everything winding down and no line ups. Lights flashing and faint music still playing in the background.  Carnival music.

But the entire city is affected by this great outdoor show.  The whole city is abuzz with pancake breakfasts (we went to a couple – it’s a great way to feed your house guests breakfast), and country music, and cowboy boots and the most outlandish outfits that people think are justified just because it’s stampede.  The traffic is crazier. The tourists more plentiful. The smell of greasy food, beer, horse manure and exhaust permeate the air.

By the time the stampede is over, I sort of feel like – cowboys go home.  I want to enjoy the good old summertime in peace. I realize I’m probably a minority.   Most people love the stampede…I think. But I just want good old ‘English tea in the afternoon in the garden’ type of peace.  That’s more my thing.  Or to wake up by a large body of water and watch the ripples and waves.  To scavenger for sea shells.  To eat delicate food at quaint outdoor cafes.  To find a park and read a book while I listen to the birds and leaves swaying in the wind.  To stroll along a river and breathe in some fresh air.  To be intoxicated with the scent of fresh flowers growing along my walking path.  A drive to the mountains.  That kind of thing.  And so that begins for me…today.  A slower pace of life and energy.  For the rest of the summer.

As I have mentioned in a previous blog, the recent hail storm almost wiped out my entire garden in a five minute fell swoop. It is very discouraging after all the hard work of planting and weeding and preparing the soil.  The sore back and stiff butt coming from physical labor that you haven’t done since last year (well that’s just my pathetic little experience).   We’ve had watering restrictions for the last month and so saving water from showers and rain to water plants has become my MO.  It’s much more work.  I felt like I was Laura Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie, going to the well everyday to lug water back for the animals and the farm.   But I did it because I spent too much money on my dream secret garden, once again, to just watch it die.  It’s my summer project. And has been for many summers.  I needed it.  It’s my emotional crutch and therapy all in one.   Then to have it almost entirely wiped out?  And there is nothing much one can do about it.  We can’t control the weather. I mean I guess I could just give up and never plant a garden ever again.  Because it can be emotionally exhausting.  And physically exhausting.  Did I mention expensive?  Gardening is not for wimps. But, oh the joys.
The south side of the barn in our backyard was protected from the hail so I still have one barn wall of prolific green growth that’s thriving.  So I will focus on that.  I am going to replant a few things and move a few things around to fill in the dead gaps.  I will cut some things back to see if they will grow again.  I’ll keep watering and weeding and running out every morning to see what’s happening.  I’ve deadheaded all the dead heads.  I bought a couple more rose bushes to fill in the spaces.  Perennials not annuals. And I will not give up.

Just as a second stroke almost took me out at the end of May.  Well,  it didn’t almost take me out but it did undo much of the emotional and mental work I had done over the last two years. Strokes play with your mind.  Your fears.  Your health.  Your well being. Your confidence. Because strokes are scary even when they are minor.  I am totally grateful that this one was not as bad as the first, but I had just put to bed all those fears.  And decided that the first stroke was ancient history and I was moving forward with confidence and health.  And then wham!  I’m driving down a one way street the wrong way because I had lost my right peripheral vision. It came back in a few hours but not until I’d had another ambulance ride to the hospital and an overnight stay and another MRI and another CT scan and evidence of more brain damage. They wouldn’t let me drive for a month.  Why?  because they thought I might have another?  and kill someone?  Not a confidence builder.
But I can’t live there.  I can’t live in fear.  So I must pick myself up and replant a few things.  Dead head a few things.  Keep watering and weeding. And keep doing what has to be done to optimize my health.  Physical and mental. It’s like I was on the south side of the barn.  The darn thing kinda  missed the best part of me.  Thank you Lord.  I still have much to be grateful for.

The last day of work (for the summer – I work at a school), my boss, friend, co-worker had her staff over for a delightful end of the year dinner. Then I spent the next two days getting ready for an Anniversary party I was hosting on the weekend.  My sister from Mississauga arrived and we headed out to my aunt’s cottage on a gorgeous quaint lake in BC.  The weather was ….meh.  We had a couple of lovely hot days.  We walked twice a day with the dog and watched movies by night – they have a cinema room.  Laid on the dock once the sun and heat finally decided to show their face and burnt my feet to a crisp.  This was slow living for sure.  We headed back to the city to join the rest of my visiting family for a few days and did the stampede and shopped the malls, did a couple of pancake breakfasts and watched a few more movies.  One might think that was slow living.  But it really wasn’t.  What I am doing now, after all the guests have left and the travelling is done….this is slow living.  And slow living is what I plan to do for the rest of the summer.