Do you ever start to panic when you end up with a free day totally to yourself to do whatever you want? Probably not. But I do! There is so much I want to do that it becomes overwhelming. What will I choose? How will my time be best spent? I don’t want to waste the time but I often do, especially if the free day is a total surprise (much like the day I got laid off). LOL The worlds my oyster.

My problem is that I have so many hobbies and interests there is no way I can dabble in everything. I’ve got to choose one or three things and do them each justice. There are so many activities that bring me great joy. ‘The world is so full of a number of things, I’m sure we should all be as happy as kings’. Robert Louis Stevenson. Actually I don’t think there are too many happy Kings these days.

Should I read all day long? Should I write? Should I journal? Should I paint? Should I design? Should I sew? Should I quilt? Should I drive out to the mountains? Should I go to Chintz and co.? Should I hang at Starbucks (as I’m doing at this very moment)? Should I sleep in and then soak in a tub full of bubbles with candles and relaxing music? Should I call a friend? Should I go for a walk? Should I play the piano? Should I bake? Should I test recipes? Should I go to Homesense and Winners? Should I have a nap? Should I do housework (which I find very rewarding). Should I organize closets and drawers? Should I eat junk food? Should I go downtown? Should I hide out in the basement and play with my toys? Yes I have toys. Fun toys. Should I do a prayer walk inside the house? Yeah, I do that. Should I finish our ongoing puzzle? Spa day? Go to a movie? Watch my latest addiction on Netflix?

I think a perfect day alone would start with a vigorous scenic walk in the summer or yoga in the winter. No, the perfect day wouldn’t include formal exercise -I’d rather pretend I didn’t need to workout, live in denial for just one day. I usually like to Seek first His Kingdom (and hope that maybe God would set my agenda for the day). Followed or coupled with a nice sudsy tub soak in water hot enough to turn my skin red (I usually need an ice cold drink to accompany this so I don’t pass out). After that, set the timer and do some journaling followed by an hour of reading (for enjoyment and inspiration). Sometimes I just feel like I need to get out and drive somewhere, so I’d drive to Chintz and co. and pick up some fabulous decorating ideas. I just love taking in all the beauty, creativity and design I find there. Meet a friend for coffee and conversation at Starbucks (of course). Iron sharpens iron. By now it’s late afternoon, so I’ll go home and cook up a sustaining healthy meal for whomever will be home for dinner. Make lots so we have leftovers. After cleaning up the kitchen I would sit in my favorite chair and do some writing while listening to my favorite relaxing music. Read some more. Journal some more. Take a nap and then go to bed.

Days of my own should not be about productivity but rather about living in the moment and enjoying what is. At the end of the day, I want to feel inspired and relaxed and motivated for productivity on another day. An entire day painting is very cathartic too. I think I’ll do that on my next day of my own.

 

 

We all know that love isn’t just for one day. It’s all the time. Every day of every month of every year. I’m pretty sure that Valentine’s Day was something Hallmark, chocolatiers and florists invented together to boost their revenue in the long cold winter months. I think they got the idea from Christmas.

As a kid, it was just a fun day to exchange paper valentines and red candy (which is no longer acceptable because of red food dye fear) and to see how popular you were. When I was a child you gave valentines to your favorite people and it gave you the warm fuzzies. But that is no longer politically correct. If you are not going to give to the whole class then you’re not allowed to give at all. The world is so crazy and backwards. You still should be required to be kind to everyone but let’s face it, we are not friends with everyone. Ain’t nobody got time for dat!

At present, In our family, even though my kids are adults, they are not in relationships. And that’s just fine. When the right one comes along, they’ll know it and God will prepare them for it. There is a lot of extra heartache that comes from being in a relationship, even the right one. Better to be alone than in the wrong relationship. So for the time being, their parents are the ones that love them the most. So I do my best to let them know they are loved unconditionally and forever, by us. Valentines is just a day that we can affirm our love for others. It’s just fun. It’s also a good excuse for me to decorate and bake heart shaped food and buy candy and enjoy flowers etc.

It’s not about whether you’re in a relationship or not. Its totally ok to be alone. It’s not about judgement because you are single. There are a lot of heartbreaking relationships that also hate valentines connotations. I have let my husband off the hook in regards to great expectations. I dont need inflated price roses or expensive dinner out. Jewelry is nice but personal so I usually buy it myself (when I am employed) and everyone is happy. It certainly isn’t necessary. But Mike knows that if he doesn’t give me a card he is in the doghouse. I don’t care if he makes it himself. He outdid himself this year and purchased a beautiful one from my favorite paper store, Papyrus.

So we are staying home tonight to eat heart shaped pizzas and heart shaped red jello and probably watch the Olympics and this makes my heart flutter. To be with those I love most. In fact I feel this way anytime we are together enjoying each other’s company. Or listening to Andrew on one of his rants on a variety of topics. My favorite.

If valentines has any good purpose, let it be this. To learn to love everyone all the time. To be kind and generous everyday. To remember God’s love for us and pass it on. There is no one on this planet that is not loved by anyone because God loves each of us as if there were only one of us. People just need to know this and it’s our mission to make sure they do. Don’t just collect love, pass it on.

She is grace under pressure. She is beauty admist sorrow. She is grateful in affliction. She is soft spoken. She is kind. She is generous. She has a quiet and gentle spirit. She is a wife of noble character. She is a mother fervent in prayer. She is a lover of our Heavenly Father.

I watched her stand lovingly, with a servants heart full of compassion, by her husbands side as the C-plague was stealing his precious life away. For six long, heartbreaking months she was his wife, his love, his nurse, his prayer warrior. His wish was to pass away in the comfort and love of his own home with his own people and at great sacrifice to herself, my friend made this happen.

They lived in cramped quarters as they shared their adults children’s condo on their summer furlow from their home in Hawaii. Having no idea this small home would become a hospice with a hospital bed in the middle of the tiny living room, as summer melted into fall which finally froze into winter.

Just one more Thanksgiving she prayed. Just one more Christmas she prayed. Just one more birthday she prayed. Please not during the family wedding. But he did not make it to the one more anniversary and one more Valentine’s Day she prayed for. And now she is bravely facing a scary new world without her best friend, lover, husband, father to her children and friend to all whose lives he entered.

But she is most definitely not alone. Even if she didn’t have her precious children and grandchildren and loyal friends, she has a God that promised to never leave or forsake her. This is not a promise of no grief or sorrow or pain or suffering but it IS a promise of enduring comfort to get her through the darkest nights.

She has known great loss in this life as a car accident claimed her only mother and only sister over twelve years ago. She always asked me, it’s all about my response right? My children are watching for my response to all this. Will I let my sovereign Lord comfort me and grow my faith or will I crumble into a heaping mess? She chose the former. And I know she will this time too.

She may not appear to be strong tomorrow, or next week, or next month or even next year but underneath the sorrow and the loneliness will be a woman of great faith and strength, confidently forging a new path because she doesn’t have any other choice now. And I will endeavour to be there by her side, to hold her up and to learn from her example because she is my huckleberry friend.

Interesting trivia. It was exactly one year ago today that I embarked on this blogging journey. An entire year. I have posted over 200 times with 120 of those posts being actual written blog posts. It’s not easy coming up with topics sometimes. But I committed to writing at least once a week and I’ve managed over two. Upward and onward.

Unfortunately my WordPress blog isn’t exactly user friendly and many of my close friends and family aren’t even following or reading what I write. It’s sad, for me. I have exactly 21 email followers (meaning they will get an email every time I post something new). They may be regretting that now. I hope not.

I’ve been planning on getting to the bottom of why my blog isn’t user friendly. A couple of friends said they tried to sign up but they couldn’t come up with an acceptable password and so finally they gave up. My blog is linked to Facebook so if one happens to be on Facebook and is my friend then they might see my most recent post and be able to access the link there. Anyway, this is all, pretty boring, I know. My plan, all along, has been to fix this problem.

I still have a lot of work to do. To refine my blog. To energize it. To grow it. To make it look the way I want it to. I want it to be a place of inspiration. A place of creativity. A place of comfort and a sense of home (or that ‘me too’ connection.) I want to use it to pass along great ideas. Solutions. Humour. Fun. Encouragement. I want my blog to be edifying and useful. And sometimes just a little bit of silly. Or even an escape.

I know along with greater readership…say, 30 of you… lol, comes responsibility. The more folks that follow and read my blog, the more I’ll be open to criticism so maybe it’s been good that my growth has been limited to a select few this past year while I’ve gotten my feet wet. Comments have been few and far between. Often I have asked myself, am I wasting my time? But I know the answer to that question, a resounding no! This blog has got me writing and thinking and writing and doing, and writing and praying, writing and living. It’s been a place for me to get it out there and share life, even if only with 21 people.

Did you know that I can see how many people view my posts and from what countries they are viewing them from? That is always interesting as I wonder, who, in China, is reading my blog?

All this to say, please join me on another years journey. I’m going to make a lot of changes AND have an idea for a different focus. Stay tuned. Because I am definitely sharing this plan with you. AND I can’t wait to get started.

Those that fraternize with me regularly may have noticed my eating habits have gone rogue lately, resulting in increased girth. Not just my eating but the poor sleep habits I have adopted since last April and the all too sedentary lifestyle. I go in spurts. I actually truly enjoy working out but I’m a procrastinator. If it doesn’t happen by 11:00 am then it’s not happening. But I rarely get to exercising before 11:00 because I sleep in too late as a result of going to bed too late as a result of …well I really haven’t pinned down the reason for that yet. But the later I’m up, the more snacks I look for and injest. What came first? The chicken or the egg. Well it doesn’t really matter because I ate them both.

I’m not getting on the scale as I don’t want you to read in the morning news…women stabs fork in her eye after scale read out says “one at at time please”. A friend once told me that she, personally, never gets on the scale and has no idea what that accusing or praising number is, therefore , her self worth is not tied to any particular weight read out. (She even makes the doctor keep her weight a secret as she fills out my friends medical history). I like that. I’m going to adopt that philosophy. It’s not like I can’t feel my clothes getting tighter or see my double chin or realize when I’m just not feeling great and my complexion and hair look dull. These are visible signs that positive action is required. The read out on the scale would just be too much to bear. If I don’t have knowledge of that condemning number then I’m more apt to feel empowered to do something about this situation. I know this is the opposite philosophy of WW, but I failed that too. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results and I’m NOT insane.

One of my favorite authors, who loves to eat as I do, lives by a routine of feasting and fasting. She uses the word fasting the way some would use the word diet. She loves to eat and she loves to cook and she loves to gather people around the table for nourishment, community and healing. I’m am her kindred spirit. So she feasts from American Thanksgiving through to New Years and she fasts from January to June then she feasts from June to end of August and then she fasts until thanksgiving. This way she doesn’t miss out any of the great traditions around the table or her favorite foods but she keeps things in balance. Her fasting times are seasons of sparseness.

This is another philosophy that I am adopting. I think we need a break from indulgence and to push back and set boundaries around our gluttony, in all areas. I seem to go through seasons of apathy and seasons of proactivity. I take my body to the edge of the cliff and when pushing it over is the only thing left to do…I return to all the good and healthy practices that I know heal and empower. And its that time now.

I’m like an Israelite, wondering the desert for 40 years, vascilating back and forth between knowing what freedom really feels like and yearning to be back in slavery. I seem to forget the chains of slavery, although they are starting to dig into my ankles again. I start inching my way back to slavery just because there were some aspects that were comforting. Harmful but comforting. “The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the Lord’s hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.” Exodus 16:3. How soon we forget the benefits of freedom.

I have the type of metabolism and body structure that doesn’t allow me to ‘not care’ or not be attentive to my habits. I cannot let up. I have to persistently stay on top of things or I end up back in slavery. An unhappy slave that is really not comfortable at all. Not that comfort is the goal. I don’t need to be a supermodel, I just need to fit into my clothes. Lucky for me I have clothes that fit, even now, because I have been here before, but its time for my descent once again. I do not like this place (or these clothes for that matter).

All this to say, I’m taking a gentler, more reasonable approach to find my way back to health and freedom. Health is freedom and I AM finding my way back. I keep hoping this will be the time that I’ll actually make a lifelong habit change. I’m getting closer to the my life expectancy as every year goes by so the lifelong habits won’t have to last that long anymore.

Let the hunger games begin! May the scale be ever in my favour. Actually I’m not using the scale but I just wanted to say that.

It’s been a life long struggle….I know skinny won’t solve all my problems…. but rich will. Lol

Rich and skinny? Look at Melania Trump, does she look happy? I rest my case.

 

I’m heartbroken today! Heartbroken for my dear friend as she said goodbye to her devoted husband and the amazing father of her adult children. Goodbye and I’ll see you again soon. He slipped the surly bonds of earth and went home to be with his heavenly Father, Our heavenly father. By faith and the truth of God’s word, we know Randy is rejoicing with the Lord and reuniting with his parents who went on before him.

We knew his passing was imminent as the reality of the situation was staring us in the face but we continued to keep believing for a miracle, the kind of miracle that would make us feel good and experience joy. The kind of miracle that would find us still going to movies with our friend and visiting him in Hawaii and going for wings on Wednesdays and so much more. But the Lord had other plans for this saint.

Our faith is still intact and we surrender to what the Lord, in his infinite wisdom and love, sees as best. We have walked this journey with our dear friends since Randy’s diagnosis in the fall of 2008 when the doctor told him to get his house in order, he only had six months. In faith, our friends defied this diagnosis and we have spent the last 9 years making memories with them, having fun with them, sharing burdens with them, helping each other through crisis and forging a deep, comfortable, abiding familial friendship.

As we say goodbye to an incredible man of God and irreplaceable friend, we can’t stop remembering our escapades in Las Vegas, and our adventures and experiences in Hawaii at their vacation rental home, our ingrained weekly rituals (movies and wings). Randy spent the summer of 2015 in the South Calgary Campus hospital in a room we referred to as the Ritz Carlton. Once again he was given a 6 month diagnosis and once again the Lord had other plans. We kidnapped him from his hospital room during these months, to go to Starbucks and Boston pizza, as Mike stuffed Randys sugar drip into the back of the car and Randy showed up to these places in his pyjamas. We even watched the Globefest fireworks from his hospital room window. We  celebrated Thanksgiving at the South Campus Ritz. Randy was desperate to get out of his Ritz Carlton prison and finally, according to his wife, Shannon, they were kicked out for bad behaviour. The bad behaviour being that Randy kept telling everyone, including the doctors, that he was healed. He finally escaped in late November only to return to Hawaii for another two glorious stints in the sun, glorifying Jesus to all his guests from all over the world. I think it would be accurate to say that Randy’s impact reaches across the globe.

Their stunning property on the ocean in Kona was the backdrop to many of our most treasured memories. Randy’s absence leaves a huge hole in the hearts of family and friends. His compassion and humour will be greatly missed. He was generous to a fault. His love of life, his childlike faith and his readiness to take risks were  both an example and a blessing to observe. We feel so blessed to have been the benefactors of his love and friendship.

His example and presence caused us to believe in healing and miracles. Our faith grew in leaps and bounds for having shared this journey with he and his wife.  There is no doubt in my mind that God was in the centre of all of this. The joy and the pain. I love what C. S. Lewis said about is.

C.S. Lewis: Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no answers any more. Only the life I have lived. Twice in that life I’ve been given the choice: as a boy and as a man. The boy chose safety, the man chooses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That’s the deal.