Well it looks like we are going to enjoy a white Christmas after all. Oh I know there are those of you cursing the snow, in all of its pristine and glorious beauty, and I am truly sorry you feel that way. Do not get mad at me, I had nothing to do with it. Well maybe a tiny little bit. I’d been praying for snow. Just as I’m sure there were many of you praying against snow. Did God answer my prayer and not yours? I guess we’ll never know. But the snow is here with a vengence so why not surrender to it’s beauty and mood.

A banner snowfall is a bit like the ‘terrible twos’. On the one hand is love and on the other is exasperation. On the one hand is cherishing and on the other havoc wreaked. We are torn. We want to scream and yell but we also want to cuddle and snuggle. We know this soon shall pass so we may as well make the best of it and accept its inevitability. Glean the lessons and make the memories. Soon that two year old will grow and the snow will melt and we will be left with nothing but regret if we don’t accept what is and make the most of it.

A million zillion trillion unique snowflakes all huddled together like the stars in the Milky Way. We don’t even pay attention to the fact that each snowflake has 6 points that are exquisitely designed by God and nature. All we see is this cold, wet, mush that makes driving treacherous and has to be shoveled causing chest pain for some. It is mindblowingly amazing that each snowflake actually has a shape as we scoop up shovel after shovel of the white ice and toss it over our shoulder, muttering resentments under our breath.

The table and chairs on our deck look like wedding cakes on stands this breathtaking winters morning. Perfection – the pure whiteness of it all before it’s marred by human intervention. I’m assuming the color of snow is the purest version of white as we often here the axiom ‘white as snow’ …especially when talking about the purity of anything. Snow truly is an act of God and I, for one, embrace it. When all the leaves are gone and the earth is dried up and everything thing looks kind of dead (because it is) then God takes over and covers this dry deadness with a blanket of glorious, twinkling bright, purest white snow. And everything is beautiful again. He does that with us too.

I’m excited to get out there this morning and make my way through this fairytale Christmas backdrop. Yes I have to drive and I’ll just take in the beauty of the season and take my time. No I don’t have to go to work so I realize I have the advantage of being on my own timetable. I’ll get there when I get there. Lucky for me my shopping is done…. food and gifts. I must say I am truly grateful that once again this year, we have been blessed with an abundance of both. So now I’m just enjoying the season which has been enhanced, in my estimation, by this wonderful snow.

It’s quite possible that I won’t be staying up into the wee hours of the morning reading, writing, pinning, baking, or watching movies any longer. I happen to have the first of two job interviews this week, tomorrow. It’s been so long that I’m a little rusty with the interview process. I may even be a little rusty with my administrative skills. Hopefully, like riding a bike, it’ll all come back to me once I’m back in the saddle. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to go to bed at 9:30 or 10:00 to wake up at 5:30 to get ready for work.

I’ve grown accustom to being the boss of me. I pretty much do what I want these days. I call the shots and set the schedule and plan the priorities. And it has been refreshing and relaxing. 9 months of unemployed bliss. Naturally, I’ve been fairly broke but I’ve even gotten used to that. I’ve realized what I can actually live without. The thought of going back to work is equally as scary and rattling as getting laid off was. I always knew in the back of my mind that I would have to be working once again at something. Too young and too much energy, too much financial need to retire yet. I knew it was coming. And now that I’m looking at the blessed prospect of working again…or maybe I should call it being gainfully employed ( since it’s not as if I haven’t been working my butt off during my sabbatical) and I’m getting nostalgic.

I have loved these past 9 months. I’ve walked about two hundred miles. I’ve baked about 100 pies and about 600 butter tarts. I’ve read oodles of books. I’ve purged and organized the entire house. I’ve spent many lovely mornings or afternoons lollygagging with girlfriends. I’ve spend precious time with my mom. I’ve learned frugality. I’ve slept in and had days with absolutely no agenda. These are the best. I’ve had a riot experimenting in the kitchen with all sorts of recipes, sweet, savory, challenging and fun. I’ve had time to pursue hobbies and yet there are still many things I just didn’t get around to.

Once again, I may be getting way ahead of myself. An interview is not a job offer. However, it is the first step. To get the position you must start with an interview. And I have two this week before Christmas, which is in and of itself, surreal. Two interviews with organizations that require a statement of faith to be signed (narrows the playing field). Two interviews where I was referred by people I know or I wouldn’t have known about the position. Maybe it’s true, it’s not what you know but who you know. And by ‘who’ I’m talking about knowing the creator of the universe personally.

Inspite of my nervousness, I am grateful for the opportunities. I believe I’m ready to go back to work. I’m actually ready to do whatever God has planned for me. I know if I’m doing what He has lead me to do and what He approves off everything will be fine. It will be better than fine. God’s best isn’t ‘just fine’, it’s incredible. So I’m ready for where He leads. If neither of these opportunities is meant to be then I know He still has a plan for me. Not to panic. Not to worry. Not to be disappointed. I will work again. And it will be at the exact right time and the exact right company with the exact right position. And it will be grand. In the meantime… it’s Christmas this week.

Twelve days before Christmas. Do you know where your Christmas spirit is?

I have always felt that people that are eagerly awaiting December 25 are missing the whole point. As children, I guess that’s the day the presents are received and opened and if you were waiting for one specific item that your dying to receive then that’s what it’s all about for you. Or if that’s the day your loved one or ones are arriving then I get that anticipation. But I, personally, feel Christmas is a season not a day. And if I put all my hope and joy into one day then I’ll be sadly disappointed when that 24 hours are over. Very often, I have found December 25 to be rather anti-climactical.

I have long felt that Christmas is the time preceding December 25th. The build up. The concerts. The parties. The shopping. The red cups. The music. The decorating. The lights. The wrapping. The charity. The baking. The preparations. Sitting by the fireplace enjoying the tree and lights. Driving around taking in everyone’s light displays. Skating on lake. Drinking hot chocolate. The mitts, toques and scarves. The Christmas oranges. A sleigh ride. Family together. Watching Christmas movies with popcorn. The advent services. The Christmas story. Christmas carolling. Games and puzzles.

I have been blessed my whole life – 60 years – that Christmas has always been like this for me. I mean truly and deeply blessed! Even as I write this, I’m sitting by my tree, in front of the fireplace listening to my favorite Christmas music with an over full belly, my whole family home and a nice warm bed to cozy up in shortly.

This Christmas I have something new added to my Christmas preparations…Two job interviews the week before Christmas. It seems odd but every other year I have actually been working and that didn’t feel odd. But really the whole ‘not working’ in December has felt rather odd. Maybe I’m getting a job for Christmas? Wouldn’t that be something? I am grateful that God has not forgotten my need just because it’s Christmas.

All this to say, that I’m endeavouring to enjoy these next 12 days to the full and live in the moment and not wish them away or hurry them up. I want to savor them. I’ll never have these 12 days again. Yes there are sad, painful things happening amongst those in my sphere of influence and amongst those with whom I have relationships and friendships but it’s all part of the moment and the season and the memories. Peace on earth, good will to men. Wouldn’t it be loverly?

We press on in this season of advent as we wait for the fulfillment of Gods promise in spite of circumstances. Christmas is a season of hope. It’s a season of charity. A season of peace and joy. Seek for this in the midst of your circumstances. Wise men still seek Him. Live these next 12 days on purpose – with purpose and and don’t let Christmas Day come and go while you are lost in a fog of stress and meaninglessness. Make this Christmas count and choose joy.
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I’m making a list. I’m checking it twice. And it’s very possible I’ll be checking it thrice. I cannot function without lists. Sometimes even making a list is on my list. I put everything on my lists because I love crossing things off my list. It makes me feel extremely accomplished. So I will put such things as take shower, brush teeth and eat breakfast on my list because I know I’m going to do that and then I can cross things off my list right away. Whether it’s a daily todo list or a packing list or a grocery list or a shopping list or a budget, I must have my lists. Last Christmas, I forgot to put ‘passport’ on my packing list. Huge faux pas.

Somehow writing things down on a list takes away a lot of stress for me. Just getting it out of my head and onto a tangible piece of paper settles my mind. When my head is swirling with oodles of things I need to do or get or remember, I am unsettled because I know I’ll forget something vital and that causes anxiety . But as soon as I put all those important ‘not to forgets’ down on paper (or on computer) I feel a release of tension and a calm comes over me. Yes I still have to do all those things but they appear much more manageable and likeable when I see them in hard ink. I am then free to think about frivolous things, day dream, move onto other issues and deal with them or enter into a meaningful conversation with someone once I have cleared my mind. Even God keeps lists so I’m in good company. Malachi 3:16 Then those whose lives honored God got together and talked it over. God saw what they were doing and listened in. A book was opened in God’s presence and minutes were taken of the meeting, with the names of the God-fearers written down, all the names of those who honored God’s name.

My favorite format for lists is the excel spreadsheet. I believe I picked up this idea from the office controller three jobs ago. He had me handling payroll, benefits, accounts receivables and payables and he explained to me how excel was my new best friend. And he had a point. So I have my budget on excel. I have my daytimer on excel. I have my baking obligations on excel. I have an ongoing grocery list on excel. I love the calculating function of excel. When those interviewers ask if I’m proficient in excel, I tell them’ excel is my life!’

Journaling, daily or often, is another format that brings me great peace. When I’m confused or in a conondrum or just getting overwhelmed by life I put pen to paper and begin to write. All those ideas and problems and possibilities flow out of my conscious and onto paper and as I write and reread, very often clarity comes. I start writing out the answers to my own questions. I know these answers are not coming from my brain. I know God speaks to me through journaling. It’s the craziest thing. All of a sudden I am writing down ideas and thoughts that make so much sense and that never entered my mind five minutes prior.

Journaling also feels like talking to someone, only I write out both sides of the conversation. It’s very cathartic. Also writing down thoughts and ideas as I have them ensures I won’t forget these things. AND there is something about going back and reading my journals that reminds me how I felt when I wrote that entry and what has happened since…. has it been growth or stagnation?

Often I reread a journal from a few years ago and realize that I’m still dealing with the same issue. Yikes. Other times I’ll notice that I’ve overcome that issue or those feelings and realize I am indeed making progress. As I read, I get to know myself better.

The writing has a purpose and a peace and the reading has a purpose and a revelation. If life is getting out of control I sit down and write or make a list and everything feels more manageable. A beautiful journal and a smooth non smudgy pen are my best friends. Journaling is writing practice at the least and and healing at the best. Telling my story makes me feel like an author even if I’m the only one reading it.

I often refer to myself as an aspiring writer when in fact I’ve already written several books. They may not be read by the masses but all those words and thoughts and stories have come from my own pen. There is a lot of living between those pages and there’s something very gratifying about that.

Time to go make a list.

Yesterday afternoon we attended Theatre Calgary’s ‘A Christmas Carol’.  I had my doubts going in but it turned out to be ‘true to its word and infinitely more’ as we were captivated by the seasoned actor that played Scrooge and were mesmerized by the sets, costumes and music.  A very old tale with a very relevant, timely, urgent message.