So here I sit on a wintery Monday morning, January 8th, wondering what my next step is. In my heart of hearts, I truly thought I’d be working come the new year. Just the way everything was coming together, I thought for sure one of those jobs was mine. I’ve spent a few days reeling from the blow that I will not have the joy of starting with either of those organizations this January and now I must move on.

What have I learned? I’ve learned that you have to be dead serious about playing the game. The HR game. There is only one game, faith based organization or not, and if one wants to win they must play like their life depends on it. It occurs to me it’s a lot like the reality TV shows, Big Brother or Survivor. You must use strategy and sly cleverness. You must form alliances. Tell different people different stories and there’s very little room for blatant honesty. I’m not very good at the game I’m realizing. Maybe I’m too real and too honest. Just being me. I guess that’s why it feels like rejection because they actually ARE rejecting me. If I had put on some phoniness and told some tall tales, then it wouldn’t really be me they are passing over it would be the person I was pretending to be.

I’ll admit that most likely someone else was younger or had credentials I don’t possess. I mean why wouldn’t they choose a 35 year old with a degree? Possibly the person that was actually hired had worked in that type of organization before… I had not. Or maybe the successful candidate spent hours rehearsing all the correct answers to every possible question. You don’t know which questions they will ask so you have to come up with a clever answer to all possible questions. That is a ton of work… more work that the position itself, in many cases. But I guess that’s the screening process these days based on mounds of psychological research. And it’s quite obvious these HR professionals do not deviate from the rules. There appears to be no room for gut feelings or intuition. Not that I’m assuming they felt that with me, I’m just saying.

Let’s face it, once they see the whites of my eyes they can pretty well guess how old I am. And it becomes pretty obvious that I’m not seeking a career or planning to climb the corporate ladder. I’m just desperate for a job and that’s not something I can hide or deny. I’m willing to work my butt off and be ‘all in’ for the next 5-10 years but that’s all I can offer at best. I’m a bad risk if they’re looking for longevity or that ‘claw my way to the top’ instinct. Maybe they fear they can’t teach an old dog new tricks?

You see, I’m finding my son maybe does have this figured out to a certain degree. He keeps telling me that the only way to get the dream job is to lie through your teeth and I’m beginning to believe him. Maybe not lie…but definitely you can’t be yourself and you do have to embellish. And that is one reason why I haven’t started my own business. I’m not very good at promoting my skills. I never have been. I’ve never had that confidence or inherent self worth.

I know what I can do but I need an opportunity to show it. Maybe if I was as good a communicator as I profess I’d be able to express it so well in words that I’d close the deal.  I’m that person that aces the day to day assignments and tasks but totally chokes up on the exam.

The real story lies within and I don’t often get a chance to share it. Next time they ask that question, Why should we hire you? I just want to reply… you’d be foolish not to hire me because if this position becomes mine, I will own it. You’ll never find anyone more loyal or faithful to doing a good job for your company because once I enter into a contract I am fiercely committed to providing the service that you hired me for. You won’t find anyone that will work harder. You won’t find someone more resourceful. You won’t find anyone that endeavours get along with all people as I do. I find difficult people a challenge to win over not a reason to quit or whine. I end up loving my work because I consider the opportunity to work for a living a blessing. I’ll be on time. I’ll work late to get the job done. I’ll never say to anyone ‘that’s not my job’. Instead I’ll say, leave it with me and I’ll handle it (then find out who does it or how to do it myself). I’m prolific learner and believe in continuous improvement. I’m highly motivated. I don’t shirk away from responsibility and hard work. I have years of life and relationship experience. I can handle stress with the best. The Lord knows the stress I’ve dealt with in this life and I’m still here, in one piece, and I’ve never been institutionalized. But alas, nobody asked me that question, not this time.

True, I did think of all the brilliant answers to their questions as soon as I drove away. Maybe I’m just too old for this game. Truth be told, do I even want to play anymore? Did I ever? I know I can handle the work, I know it, but I’m just tired of jumping through emotional and psychological hoops trying to prove it. There are so many things I do so well that are obvious to the world and yet, I find myself trying to prove I’m worth hiring and clearly not doing a stellar job of it.

If I really believe that God is in control of all of this and knows my needs (and I do and He does) then I must believe that these organizations are not where God wants me no matter how virtuous they seemed. This was not God’s plan for me. Maybe He was saving me from an unpleasant work experience or maybe He just has something far more ‘perfect for me’ in mind. I just need to continue to trust that He knows what He’s doing. I do what I can do in the flesh and leave the rest to Him. I need to learn to walk by faith not by sight.

True story… He has never let me down or deserted me before. Oh it felt like it at times, it truly did, but in the end, He has always come through for me. Always. He has NEVER let me down. He has never left me or forsaken me and this is something I CAN say with full confidence. I know He has a plan for me and it’s not to harm me, it’s to prosper me and give me a future and a hope…. I would have lost heart, had I not known I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Disclaimer: I feel better already. I’m moving forward with joy.  And this is what writing my thoughts down does for me (this was my first draft btw). It empowers me and encourages me and God speaks to me through my own writing. You should try it!

 

Reading my cookbook collection. Each book like a novel. My criteria, other than being on the $3-$5 table at Chapters, was to buy only cookbooks with stories of culture, geography and food philosophy so they would be interesting to read as well as to cook from. For Christmas, I received a gift certificate for a cooking class at a french cooking school. These activities, I’m really looking forward to in this new year.

I always seek out a word or words and several passages of scripture to define my year. The word that seems to be on my heart is ‘stewardship’ with ‘contentment’. One verse that keeps repeating itself in my life is ‘let us throw off all that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with endurance the race that is marked out before us…’. I’m curious. What is the race that is marked out before me? Oh sure, I know all of the things God asks all of us to do but what are the things that He wants me to specifically do? Have I done them? Am I doing them? Am I on the right path?

There is the parable of the talents and the Sermon on the Mount which are both speaking to me lately. Both will be inspirational as I endeavour to ‘steward’ my blessings this year. Hopefully stewardship will be a life long practice. Stewarding my time. Stewarding my health. Stewarding my wealth. Stewarding my relationships. Stewarding my soul. These amenities do not belong to me but they have been entrusted to me and I need to steward them wisely and responsibly.

In years past I have felt somewhat out of control. The more controlling I tried to be the more life spiralled out of control. Sometimes lost. Often overwhelmed. Frequently self sufficient. At times, selfish. Cowering in fear more than I’d like to admit. ‘She is clothed with strength and dignity and laughs at the days to come.’ I’m still working on that. I believe it will be a journey not a destination.

I want to improve my blog-make it more user friendly. I want to write more. I want to be thankful for 3 things every day-keep a gratitude journal. I want to strengthen and heal my body with real food, homecooking, physical training and sleep. I want to find meaningful work-lucrative would also be a nice plus. I want to quit storing up for myself treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal. I want to simplify-learn to live with less. I want to spend more time face to face with people and less time on Fakebook and Insta-fairytale. I want to read and learn and engage in activities that will keep my mind sharp. I want to accept wrinkles and grey hair and grow old gracefully. Not that 60 is considered old these days but, let’s face it I am in the latter half of life. I want to spend more time praying and more time believing and less time fearing and doubting and panicking. More time contending for the promises of God.

I want the peace that comes with contentment. What is contentment really? I am determined to find out and when I do I will share what I’ve found. I believe I’m on the cusp. I want to be right with my Father and all His children. I want to bless people and I want to make beautiful things. I want to make beautiful things to bless people. There is still a lot of beauty to be found on earth every day and I’m going to find it. Seek and you will find. Very often I don’t even have to seek, beauty is just there staring me in the face.

I want to discover new music. I want to sing more. Read more. Listen more. Let go of things more. Get angry less. Be selfish less. Be impatient less. Be lazy less. More kindness. More love. Less resentment. Less rushed.

Likely this sounds like a totally impossible self improvement plan. But my aim is not perfection, it’s continuous improvement. God is not through with me yet. I am a work in progress. I can do all things through Christ and that folks is the secret of contentment. I just need to go out and get more practice. As long as I am unemployed I have lots of time to nurture these goals and if the Lord blesses me with a traditional job I will still find a way to include these priorities in my life.

I’ve noticed a new trend on Instagram. Very often when people post amazing pictures of themselves, their kids and families, dressed to the nines or on a wonderful vacation or accomplishing something magnificent or even just giving a virtual tour of their designer homes, many of the comments just say this. ‘Goals’. Many people are looking to others and wanting to models themselves after unrealistic perceptions of very imperfect people. I know when I match up my goals to the Word, I can attain a reasonable level of growth because this is what God calls me to. The goal is not perfection but excellence.

So 2018… bring it on. I’m ready for ya. Not that I have a choice. Nervous Laugh out loud. NLOL

 

 

 

 

A repost from our NYC trip in 2014. I realize Christmas is over but I meant to post this a few weeks ago and forgot.  So here it is anyway.

 

Take me back to last Friday morning when my mom, my sister, my daughter and I got up at 5:30am to sneak down to the Rock to see the lit Norway Spruce in serenity and awe. We were finally able to linger on the park benches and just take in this majestic sight (with only 3 or 4 other strangers with the same idea)…the symbol of Christmas..probably around the world . New York City knows how to do Christmas….all the way from the Salvation Army volunteers bopping to Feliz Navidad, to the Snowflake light show on the SAKS building at night, to the store window displays, and the Rockettes Christmas spectacular (aptly named), to the hot apple cider with cinnamon sticks at Byrant park skating rink and SAKS Narnia décor on the main floor with jazz band….NYC was the epitome of everything I ever thought Christmas was about. The decorations and the lights…over the top. Luckily my house back home was already decorated but just wait until next year. We will bring NYC here.
The clerks in the stores wish you “Merry Christmas” (not Happy Holidays or Celebrate Happy and Seasons Greetings). In fact, while we were in New York, a worthy news item was how Washington was trying to preserve the true meaning of Christmas and had a live nativity scene out on the lawn. The Rockettes Christmas spectacular, while having amazing special effects and music and dancing and Santa and 3D glasses, finished off the show with the most awe inspiring, praise worthy Christmas pageant I’ve ever seen. Opulent but spine tingling…the night stars and THE star and the majesty of the three kings and the focus on the baby Jesus in a manger….I glanced over at mother and she was balling like a baby she was so moved. She even heard Kanye West rap the words “Only Jesus can save us” at the free Aids benefit concert that we were privileged to be at. We even had a wave from Regis Philbin from the US Today studio on the windowed ground level across from the Rockefeller centre.
We happened to be on top of the Empire State building on the clearest night of the week (the week that we visited). The view of the city lights was breath taking…if it hadn’t been so cold we could have stayed up there all evening. This same sunny clear day we visited Ground Zero and paid our respects to the fallen of 9/11 followed by a ferry ride out to stand with Lady Liberty on her island. The history of Ellis Island pulled at our heart strings and I could just feel the range of emotions that immigrants coming to America felt when landing on the shores of New York to pursue the American Dream.
Walking down 5th Ave. after night fall (at 4:00pm) was a wonderful New York moment….passing Ralph Lauren and Harry Winston and Tiffany’s and Bergdorf Goodman’s all decked out for Christmas. We decided to stop in at Bergdorf’s ( did you know that all of these department stores seem to have 9 floors and the Christmas decorations are always on the 9th floor?) and of course we went into FAO Swartz (I have to admit I was a little disappointed when my credit card bill registered my purchase as “Toys R Us”….lost a bit of the magic for me). Visiting Macy’s with its “Believe” slogans everywhere brought home the Miracle on 34th Street message – which is more than just believing in Santa Clause but rather about having faith and hope in mankind and a higher being – for me, the Lord Jesus Christ.
Bloomingdales, Central Park, Park Plaza Hotel…all icons of New York City were visited and photographs taken. Our photo journal of the reality that felt like a dream. And the Starbucks….on every corner. Our favorite one though was the Mother of all Starbucks…with two service counters and an open photo booth where we could pose for pictures and email them immediately to anyone whose email we had memorized and we did. Every day…almost.
The open air bus tours were a great idea….we saw a lot of New York we would never have seen on foot. Speaking of feet, my 82 year old mother, kept pace with us for four days. She didn’t miss a thing thanks to her new memory foam joggers.
But the highlight of this experience (which was a Bucket list item for all of us) was sharing these New York Christmas moments with each other. Sharing the experience made the experience.
Precious moments,
Special people,
Happy faces,
I can see.
Somewhere in my mem’ry,
Christmas joys all around me,
Living in my mem’ry,
All of the music,
All of the magic,
All of the fam’ly home here with me.

A little late with my recap of 2017 but that’s ok since there are really only 20 of you reading this. It’s only January 5th. As I relax in my writing chair listening to epic music and rifling down corn and carrots from yesterday’s dinner I can’t help but reflect on the past year. It went by in a blur and yet…. not.

Time rushes by like a river on its way down a mountain and it feels like you’d better not waste a moment or you’ll never catch up In this life. And at other times it feels so slow -a turtle wading through molasses – that we tend to wish time away and waste all the moments.

When I think about the passing of 365 days, it’s almost scary. 2017 began with me employed at a job I cherished. Andrew living in another city trying to make his way. Our dear Hawaii friends pursuing a new adventure in their tropical existence. I was going to move through the passage of age as I hit 60 this year and mom ripened to 85. I was full of hope and promise, as was life, or so it seemed. Same house, same cars, same habits, same loves, same faith, same friends, same family.

I had this strange sense of anticipation for the coming year. I took down the Christmas decorations and plowed through winter. I was making pasta weekly with my new pasta maker. Lexie won 10 box seat tickets to a Flames game in January, which we invited several of our friends to and just had A blast. I was back in the routine of going to the office gym at 5:30 in the morning for an invigorating workout 3x a week. Mike remodelled our kitchen island and it was, and is, grand. I started to collect cookbooks from the clearance table at chapters and was trying my hand at all kinds of delicacies that I’ve always yearned to prepare. This upon the recommendation of my favorite new author. I received a book of hers as a Christmas gift, read it 3x over as it reverberated with my soul and proceeded to buy her other 4 books and read them twice each over the spring. Also at this authors inspiration, i finally started the blog I’d  been talking about for 5 years and was finding great satisfaction having an outlet for my writing and the thoughts that had been duking it out in my brain for years.

Then on March 28th at 10:00 am I was called into the main floor board room to be informed of my redundancy. It wasn’t the hugest of surprises since the company was going through layoffs anyway and several of the people I work for were let go and yet, when it happens to you, no matter how prepared you think you are for it, it just feels like rejection. I know I have a rejection scar from a prior incident many years ago and every time something like this happens, the bandaid is ripped off again and you forget how much it stings. Very much like going on an interview only to find out that they chose somebody else time and time again. I have a determination not to let these things bother me and yet they do, every time. I hope and pray I’ll get stronger each time but I’m not so sure that is what’s happening.

Then my son realized he needed to come home to a more supportive environment shortly after I was unemployed. So the two of us spent the summer feeling useless, like failures and making each other crazy. I decided to take up walking two hours a day to clear my mind, raise my good cholesterol, sort through my next steps and hear from God. It was invigorating and healing. I felt like I’d been born again.

I did experience a wonderful distraction via a vacation with my mom, my daughter and my sisters for mom’s 85th birthday. We escaped our humdrum lives and met up in Las Vegas which turned out to be a vacation to be remembered for all time. In the same way conditions merge to form the perfect storm, circumstances merged to form the perfect vacation. The perfect remembrance. The perfect girls holiday. The perfect way to celebrate mother.

By mid summer our Hawaii friends were up to their eyeballs in cancer. I may as well not floss over it. One of mikes best friends, is still fighting and hanging on by a thread. He’s been walking in a miraculous remission for 9 years and we’ve shared so many memories, good times, laughs, tears, and friendship with these folks. Naturally we are still praying and hoping for a miracle but our faith has been thin enough to see through at times.

Come September a friend of a friend referred my pie making skills to a family that were celebrating the lives of both their parents at the same time. These fine folks decided to make their way to heaven together. And to honour their mom’s memory the children wanted to find someone who could duplicate her apple pie and butter tarts to serve at the joint service which was attended by 450. That’s a lot of pastry folks. I passed the trial bakeoff and was given the green light for 70 pies and 30 dozen butter tarts. Being a part of this celebration of life changed my life in so many ways.

By now, my son was working so I had the house to myself most of autumn, and passed my time baking in my remodelled kitchen. I also decided I was invincible in the baking arena and offered out my services for Christmas baking. Who knew this was going to be as popular as medicinal (legalized) maraquana.

I successfully completed the Whole 30 this summer. That was an enlightening, victorious experience. Since then I’ve been on the Half 60, which doesn’t do a thing btw.

I guess I would be remiss if I left out my 60th birthday. I didn’t think turning 60 was going to be any big emotional deal until my daughter, thinking it would be funny and that I had a sense of humour that could take it , put up a sign on the morning of my birthday that read ‘holy shit you’re old”. Much to even to my surprise, I had a negative reaction. It may have been the redundancy thing. It may have been both adult children living at home (feeling like my style had been cramped). It may have been the whiskey, could have been the gin. All I know is I was a mess until the pink limousine pulled up the following Saturday morning to take me to a birthday luncheon fit for a queen.

So there you have it. I’m still trying to make sense of many circumstances I found myself in this past year. Some of these incidents seem to be related somehow and others are just a mystery at the moment. Maybe forever. The year has been a combination of victory and growth as well as confusion and pain but somehow I have this feeling the confusion and pain is going to turn into victory and growth as time goes by.

12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. 16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained. Philippians 3

 

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Sitting here in the aftermath of Christmas and reflecting on the season. I have to say, for me, every Christmas is entirely different. Each Christmas brings its new joys and challenges. I think most of us are always trying to recreate a past experience of Christmas. Live it again in all its glory. While there is definitely something to be said for tradition (I am all for tradition) forging new territory is not necessarily negative. When it comes to Christmas we tend live in nostalgia. I do it. I relive past precious Christmases and walk into each new season with a pocketful of expectations. Many of them unrealistic. That is definitely a recipe for disappointment. Like Santas sack of toys, I had a sack full of expectations and disappointments. I didn’t get all my baking done or I burnt it. I didn’t get a card from someone significant. A favorite Christmas party was cancelled. All the needles fell of my tree before December 25th. I didn’t lose the 25lbs I pledged myself I would. I was so rushed I didn’t have time to enjoy a silent night. My company scratched my hardwood floors. My husband got a a terrible Christmas cold and didn’t feel good enough to socialize. A snow storm prevented our company from coming after I spent weeks preparing for them. I ran out of money before my Christmas shopping was done and a host of other minor annoyances.

I’ve finally realized that expectations birth disappointment. In the past it was easy to get me rattled when everything didn’t go exactly accordingly to plan and expectations. But, thankfully, I have mellowed out when it comes to Christmas. Much to the benefit of all who live under this roof. I truly do take it as it comes and just enjoy the season for what it is. Peace on earth, goodwill toward all men. Not stress on earth and resentment toward people. I don’t know if it’s a wisdom and letting go that come with age and experience or a divine paradigm shift but I’m far more apt to go with the flow these days and enjoy each moment. Live in the moment and cherish the relationships and the loved ones I share this season with.

Everything doesn’t have to be perfect. Perfection is phony at its best and unattainable at its worst. My focus is now on relationship and peace. I try to let go of as much baggage and expectation as possible and focus on the moment. As you know, if you’ve ever read anything I’ve written, that Christmas isn’t just a day to me, it’s a season. With this perspective there is lots of time to enjoy Christmas and contemplate it’s true meaning and plenty of time to let go of disappointment.

One particular challenge this Christmas involves a dear friend that, by all appearances, cancer will win the battle. Rather than let this ruin our Christmas we have endeavoured to be there for him and his family and cherish all the lucid and not so lucid moments. Even in this we are making memories. We will have these memories of him in his last precious days. Plus being a witness to his disease puts so many things into perspective for us. It’s a reminder of what is really important in life and at Christmas.

It’s not about the lights and the decorations and the food and the gifts and the parties and the clothes or a partridge in a pear tree. These things are fun and not evil but they are not the main focus. I truly believe my best moments this December have been the visits with our friends, in their cramped living quarters, with our friends hospital bed in the middle of the living room decked out in red and black buffalo checked sheets, blankets and pillows and his plaid pyjamas and Santa hat. We’ve laughed at the hilarious things he says while on powerful pain meds and cried at the reality of what is really happening. We’ve chatted while he slept , totally unaware of our presence. It hasnt been glamourous or always cheerful but it’s been real. And there is something about this raw realness that has changed me and my expectations of Christmas.

My 6 CD player in my car is on the fritz. It seemed to go on strike when I put that first Christmas CD in. I resorted to listening to the radio. I found a Christian station that played Christmas music 24/7 starting December 1. In between sets of seasonal tunes there was dialogue and invitations to join many organizations that are helping disenfranchised people get through this difficult season. I heard about the Mustard seed, the Food bank, the Dream centre, the Pregnancy care centre, Compassion child, the Woman’s shelter, the YMCA and YWCA and even the radio station was taking on less fortunate families going through difficult times and it occurred to me that people enjoying Christmas in all of its glitzy, commercialized glory were in the minority. I actually believe there are more people suffering through Christmas than there are people enjoying it. It was very sobering.

I am SO blessed to be in the minority that have enjoyed most of the Christmases in my life. It’s mostly been good times and precious memories for me. How did I get so lucky? I don’t know. I do know I don’t deserve it but I am so grateful to have spent another Christmas surrounded by those I love, with shelter, a warm bed, plenty of sustenance, gifts even, music, health and opportunities to extend love to others. And I’m not sad it’s over because it’s not.

I will honour Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year.

 

 

Well it looks like we are going to enjoy a white Christmas after all. Oh I know there are those of you cursing the snow, in all of its pristine and glorious beauty, and I am truly sorry you feel that way. Do not get mad at me, I had nothing to do with it. Well maybe a tiny little bit. I’d been praying for snow. Just as I’m sure there were many of you praying against snow. Did God answer my prayer and not yours? I guess we’ll never know. But the snow is here with a vengence so why not surrender to it’s beauty and mood.

A banner snowfall is a bit like the ‘terrible twos’. On the one hand is love and on the other is exasperation. On the one hand is cherishing and on the other havoc wreaked. We are torn. We want to scream and yell but we also want to cuddle and snuggle. We know this soon shall pass so we may as well make the best of it and accept its inevitability. Glean the lessons and make the memories. Soon that two year old will grow and the snow will melt and we will be left with nothing but regret if we don’t accept what is and make the most of it.

A million zillion trillion unique snowflakes all huddled together like the stars in the Milky Way. We don’t even pay attention to the fact that each snowflake has 6 points that are exquisitely designed by God and nature. All we see is this cold, wet, mush that makes driving treacherous and has to be shoveled causing chest pain for some. It is mindblowingly amazing that each snowflake actually has a shape as we scoop up shovel after shovel of the white ice and toss it over our shoulder, muttering resentments under our breath.

The table and chairs on our deck look like wedding cakes on stands this breathtaking winters morning. Perfection – the pure whiteness of it all before it’s marred by human intervention. I’m assuming the color of snow is the purest version of white as we often here the axiom ‘white as snow’ …especially when talking about the purity of anything. Snow truly is an act of God and I, for one, embrace it. When all the leaves are gone and the earth is dried up and everything thing looks kind of dead (because it is) then God takes over and covers this dry deadness with a blanket of glorious, twinkling bright, purest white snow. And everything is beautiful again. He does that with us too.

I’m excited to get out there this morning and make my way through this fairytale Christmas backdrop. Yes I have to drive and I’ll just take in the beauty of the season and take my time. No I don’t have to go to work so I realize I have the advantage of being on my own timetable. I’ll get there when I get there. Lucky for me my shopping is done…. food and gifts. I must say I am truly grateful that once again this year, we have been blessed with an abundance of both. So now I’m just enjoying the season which has been enhanced, in my estimation, by this wonderful snow.

 

 

 

It’s quite possible that I won’t be staying up into the wee hours of the morning reading, writing, pinning, baking, or watching movies any longer. I happen to have the first of two job interviews this week, tomorrow. It’s been so long that I’m a little rusty with the interview process. I may even be a little rusty with my administrative skills. Hopefully, like riding a bike, it’ll all come back to me once I’m back in the saddle. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to go to bed at 9:30 or 10:00 to wake up at 5:30 to get ready for work.

I’ve grown accustom to being the boss of me. I pretty much do what I want these days. I call the shots and set the schedule and plan the priorities. And it has been refreshing and relaxing. 9 months of unemployed bliss. Naturally, I’ve been fairly broke but I’ve even gotten used to that. I’ve realized what I can actually live without. The thought of going back to work is equally as scary and rattling as getting laid off was. I always knew in the back of my mind that I would have to be working once again at something. Too young and too much energy, too much financial need to retire yet. I knew it was coming. And now that I’m looking at the blessed prospect of working again…or maybe I should call it being gainfully employed ( since it’s not as if I haven’t been working my butt off during my sabbatical) and I’m getting nostalgic.

I have loved these past 9 months. I’ve walked about two hundred miles. I’ve baked about 100 pies and about 600 butter tarts. I’ve read oodles of books. I’ve purged and organized the entire house. I’ve spent many lovely mornings or afternoons lollygagging with girlfriends. I’ve spend precious time with my mom. I’ve learned frugality. I’ve slept in and had days with absolutely no agenda. These are the best. I’ve had a riot experimenting in the kitchen with all sorts of recipes, sweet, savory, challenging and fun. I’ve had time to pursue hobbies and yet there are still many things I just didn’t get around to.

Once again, I may be getting way ahead of myself. An interview is not a job offer. However, it is the first step. To get the position you must start with an interview. And I have two this week before Christmas, which is in and of itself, surreal. Two interviews with organizations that require a statement of faith to be signed (narrows the playing field). Two interviews where I was referred by people I know or I wouldn’t have known about the position. Maybe it’s true, it’s not what you know but who you know. And by ‘who’ I’m talking about knowing the creator of the universe personally.

Inspite of my nervousness, I am grateful for the opportunities. I believe I’m ready to go back to work. I’m actually ready to do whatever God has planned for me. I know if I’m doing what He has lead me to do and what He approves off everything will be fine. It will be better than fine. God’s best isn’t ‘just fine’, it’s incredible. So I’m ready for where He leads. If neither of these opportunities is meant to be then I know He still has a plan for me. Not to panic. Not to worry. Not to be disappointed. I will work again. And it will be at the exact right time and the exact right company with the exact right position. And it will be grand. In the meantime… it’s Christmas this week.