Gumption

Gumption

geriraedean

I’m at Costco buying toilet paper.  My daughter is on an airplane headed for the South of France to do flowers for a wedding. Wait – what?  How did a daughter I raised in modesty and poverty end up with this lifestyle?  Where did she get this gumption?  This moxie?  These opportunities? She dropped out of grade 12 math for Pete sake. I thought she’d be cleaning houses for the rest of her life. Oh wait….that was my fate. Doing dishes.  Doing laundry. Cleaning bathrooms. Ad nauseum.

Let’s go back to the beginning.  Not birth…not that far back.  Let’s go back to the summer she graduated from grade 12 and I took her to Europe for a month.  I created a monster.  After a week in London, a week in Paris, a week on a cruise ship along the west coast of Italy (Rome, Florence, Sicily)  and a week in Spain (Barcelona), she decided she was going to find a way to come back and live in London.  I said ‘forget it – you’ll never be able to afford to live in London’.  While she was hatching her London plot she managed to go to New Zealand for three months and talked my mom into going to Israel, Jordan and Egypt with her. It didn’t take that much convincing as my mom had always dreamt of going to the Holy Land. Apparently while they were in Egypt my mom was offered an outrageous amount of camels for Lexie.  I told mom if you don’t bring that girl home….don’t bother coming back.  While Andrew, her brother said….’wait a minute…let’s not be so hasty”.
That little gumpster found a YWAM base in London, did a little fundraising (mostly relatives) and was on her way. She did three tours of duty (6 months each) before we dragged her home because she was out of money and in ill health.  She managed to get to Sweden, Spain and Argentina before the bed bugs got the best of her.
And so it has gone.  She took a job on a lark, because she liked the picture of the store they put in the advertisement.  She said….I want to work there.  It’s pretty.  So she applied for an office job and they hired her on the spot and realized how creative she was with the flowers and made her a designer instead.   Then she decided she wanted to start her own floral business so she started making connections and getting jobs and freelancing with other designers and decided she wanted to design flowers in London.  She heard about a youth work visa for London she would get if she applied before her 30th birthday and reached out to several florists there, had ZOOM interviews and off she went to LONDON.  Just packed up all her stuff and took off.  Not knowing what she was getting into.  She was a wreck when she left (we all were) but the Lord took care of her every step of the way and provided great places to work, great travel opportunities, great places to live and those two years just flew by.  I was blessed to have the opportunity to go visit her last spring.  I told her….I can’t believe I’m saying this….but if I were you, I’d never come home.   In fact, I think I’ll tell Dad to send my things,  I’m staying.  There was a bakery and florist shop, both within walking distance of her place, that were looking for help.  Sign me up.
Well the way things go….I couldn’t stay because I’m married and live with my husband in Calgary and she couldn’t stay because her two year visa ran out and there was just too much red tape to unwind to stay any longer so in March of this year (2024) she returned home with 7 pieces of luggage.  Oy Vey  And now….she’s off again.  Just for a month, but still.
I so desperately have wanted to do something brave like that.  I would love to just pick up and move to another country (of my choice) and start a new life there.  But as I mentioned already,  I have relationship ties here and cannot just run away to live the exciting life. Not that moving to another country and making a life for yourself there is the only way to be brave. What would be something brave that I could do?  I’ve been wracking my brain.  I thought….well instead of driving to work one morning, I could just keep on going and drive to Vancouver . Then what?  There is a difference between brave and stupid and I would like to think that I know what that is. I could join the militia.  Too old. I could take up gymnastics.  Too fat. I could apply for a job at NASA.  Too dumb.  OK, now I’m just being silly.
After I dropped Lexie off at the airport I was wondering around a bit wracking up my parking bill.  And I thought….here I am at the airport.  Just walking around.  Pretending I’m somebody,  going somewhere (really I was just looking for a restroom).  But nonetheless….the airport feels so full of possibilities.  LOL
I guess brave could be anytime you veer out of your comfort zone.  We love our comfort zones.  Well….I do.  So brave could be taking up a walking program when you haven’t been for a couple of years. Making myself leave my comfort zone.  There are many areas where I need to leave my comfort zone.  I used to think it was laziness that kept me there.  But…maybe its fear.  Fear of failing…yet again.   Fear of succeeding…then what’s going to be expected of me?  Fear of something being a LOT of unnecessary work.  Fear of something being a LOT of necessary work.   I feel like my  life has passed me by and I’ve done nothing brave.  A line from one of my favorite movies goes like this….”

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life – well, valuable, but small – and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven’t been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn’t it be the other way around?

So here I am at Costco, buying toilet paper….and cucumbers. And another fern.
Reflections on Motherhood

Reflections on Motherhood

geriraedean

From the time I was old enough to conceptualize what I wanted my adult life to look like it always involved marriage and motherhood.  I assume this means that I liked what I saw in my own dysfunctional family.   I didn’t know we were dysfunctional at the time.  I thought we were normal and everyone else was weird.  But I digress…

I wanted marriage and motherhood (in that order) above all else.  I thought of going to design school for a split second.  I thought of becoming a pilot for a split second.  I thought of being an architect for a split second.  And a doctor for a millisecond.  My math ability would never have facilitated the latter two.  But I never for once wavered on Motherhood.

Pregnancy was not kind to me.  I basically turned into an alien blimp so I wasn’t keen on going through that too many times but when our first two efforts produced a boy and then a girl.  I was done.

Motherhood did not disappoint.  Well….sometimes it did. Well… a lot of times it did. You mothers know what I’m talking about. But in the big picture, it did not.  I’ve had the time of my life with these two kids.  Truly.  My life is so much bigger and richer because of them. Even if everything goes south from here on in, I have the past and it was grand. I know children are a gift from God  but I like to think I kind of had something to do with who they’ve turned out to be.  I’ll take ownership of the not so good so I can take ownership of the very good. I was just able to do so many things that I didn’t have the pleasure or opportunity to do when I was a kid, all in the name of motherhood. And who these kids have turned out to be has been a total pleasant surprise. I have no problem whatsoever saying “these are my kids”.  More pride than is probably healthy flows through my veins.

And all the sacrifices and things I have done for them I have done out of pure love (as pure as I can muster this side of eternity).  I have never done anything expecting reciprocation.  OK…that’s a lie.  I did expect reciprocation sometimes and was disappointed when I didn’t get it.  But then I go do the same thing again…out of love.  I’ve never really seen motherhood as a responsibility although it is very much that but more something I really wanted to do and really wanted to do well.  So I keep doing and sacrificing because I can’t help myself. And if some of my choices as a mother are wrong then I guess I’m a bad parent.  I’ll own that.  But if I’m loving my kids the wrong way then I guess…..I’m wrong,   But I’m still having the time of my life with them.  And on this Mother’s Day I’d just like to acknowledge that I wouldn’t change a thing.  Ok…there are a few things I would change. I mean who doesn’t make mistakes?  But I love being a Mother.  This doesn’t mean I don’t want to be spoiled on Mother’s Day kids.  Its good for your character.

Ramblings of an impatient gardener

Ramblings of an impatient gardener

geriraedean
I think I’d like to be a meteorologist because it seems you don’t have to know what you’re doing. You just make random guesses and put it out there. And people accept it as truth until they wake up on the Monday morning it was supposed to be sunny and 17 and it’s only 6 and raining.
In any case, rain is springier than snow and to quote  everyone trying to be optimistic…. We DO need the moisture. It would be lovely not to have water rations this summer. But we all know it rains all of June, ruining all the plans of end of school field trips and sports days and picnics and weddings.
But on a cheerier note…. Spring has sprung. As I was driving my mother home last night just after 9 p.m. it was still light out. And the grasses are turning greenier.  And I did not spot one speck of snow anywhere. Not even lurking in a shadowy side alley. Trees are starting to bud. The tulips are tall enough already for the deer to come by and munch on them. Oy vey.
And so it begins. The never ending struggle with nature to grows things. Why shouldn’t we all be able to have lovely gardens and blossoms wherever we live? Why is it such a fight to make my zinnias thrive?  Or my dahlia plants have flowers? Or to overwinter roses or any other perennial?  Why do I have To grow everything worthy to be seen in the confines of the backyard so the critters won’t eat them. Thus, the secret garden.  At this point I’m basically growing flowers so I can photograph them. And some people do that for a living and a hobby so maybe I’ll just have to change my dream of a flower farm to one of an Instagram photographer?
However, some green thumbs have figured it out as I pass their blossom laden yards and drool in envy. I’ve deducted it must be my soil. But even the price of dirt is prohibitive these days. I bought nasturtium seeds this year because the package says to sow in poor soil. I have plenty of that. I don’t actually like nasturtiums but if they’ll actually grow I’ll give it a whirl. Another flower I don’t particularly care for is the marigold but apparently they stave off deer, so I may have to plant the damn things.
Nobody wants to listen to my gardening woes. Especially when I haven’t even started. Ha. It’s just refreshing to see the signs of a lighter, warmer and more colourful existence. Did I mention I work at a school and get two months off in the summer? Who cares if nothing grows.  I can read a book or take a walk. Or lollygag on the deck. Drive myself to someplace where things ARE growing, like the zoo or the garden centre. Or my neighbor’s back yard. What?
I’m looking forward to going to the mountains and my aunts cottage on an idealic little lake in BC and paddling out into the middle of it to just breathe in the clean mountain air and listen to the loons and watch the clouds. And pretend I’m not living in a world gone mad.
Maybe my gardening issues are just the earth groaning waiting for the promised land.  Yes. That must be it.
I’m waiting too. But in the meantime, can’t I please just grow one lovely, large, luscious zinnia plant?  A girl can dream.
I’m Back

I’m Back

geriraedean

I’ve been feeling great lately.  Compared to how I felt the previous two years, I feel like “I’m back”.  I’ve got energy and motivation to do things (still looking for the motivation to workout as much as I need to) but that will come.  Baby steps.  Speaking of steps, I’ve been hitting 10,000 a day more regularly than I was.  My PT sister says, the status quo is now 15,000 steps a day but hello?  If I’m having a hard time getting 10,000 then I think that is where I should start for now. I digress….as I do so often when I write.
But I’m thanking the Lord that I’ve got my mojo back. I thought maybe it was gone forever.  It feels so good to accomplish things and not have to have a long winter’s nap or a couple of days of doing nothing to recover.  My doctor sent me for some blood tests back in February and when the results came back it appeared my AC1 numbers had crossed the line.  Right then, I told myself ‘ I’m going to do something about this’.  I am NOT taking any more meds for anything else.  I’m trying to get off the ones I’m on.  So I immediately changed the way I eat and committed to losing a certain number of pounds.  AND I am almost positive that is why I am feeling so good.  It’s amazing when you put good fuel into your body, how good you can start feeling and how quickly. And by taking your health into your own hands.  I have reached a plateau with the weight loss but I am feeling great and it will come.

But I am not here to preach about eating well.  I’m not a dietician or a doctor or a fitness expert.  I am just a regular person trying to be well.  I got sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Interestingly enough, the story of the lame man at the pool of Bethesda kept coming to me last year. Jesus asked him, more than once, “Do you want to get well?”  And the lame man was probably thinking….well what do you think?  Of course I do.  And I felt like Jesus was asking me that question too.  Especially on my flight back from Toronto last August when I had shooting pain radiating down my right leg the entire flight.  I was internally crying out to the Lord to give me relief, at least for the duration of the flight. (By way of history, I’d been having that sciatica pain since before I went to London in May, as I was in pain both ways on that trip.)    I heard in my spirit, the words “Do you want to get well”.  And like the lame man, I’m thinking, of course I do.  Why do you think I’m asking?  Begging.   It was in that moment that I realized that I was going to have to partner with the Lord in my healing.  He wasn’t going to just wave His magic wand and take away all the self inflicted pain of poor lifestyle choices.  What can I say?  I am a slow learner.  It wasn’t until February that I finally had a light bulb moment.

I love how the Lord takes care of us.  He doesn’t let us get away with much but He brings us to a place of surrender and obedience and He has this clever way of making us think it was our choice.  Well, actually, it IS our choice.  But He brings us to that place where we actually WANT to make that choice. And that’s the beauty of it.   And that’s where we need to be.  And once we’ve made the choice He helps us stay the course.  I love that too.

And I love feeling like I can do things…get things done.  Be creative. Clean the house (let me tell you,  you’d have been appalled at how low my cleaning standards had taken a dive.  I thought the fam was going to stage an intervention).  How ugly I was willing to leave the house and be seen in public. ( That one even alarmed me).  How lazy.  How uninterested.  Skipping church.  Not walking.  Even losing my interest in cooking and baking and entertaining…  The cornerstone of my existence.

But I’m back.  I mean as much as someone at 66 can be back.  LOL  I’m interested and engaged and I can feel motivation and energy welling up inside.  I’m in my groove.  Thank you Lord.  “Though I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death, tho art with me…

Letter from my Father (Repost from a few years ago)

Letter from my Father (Repost from a few years ago)

geriraedean

My child, you are anxious about many things. This should not be. It grieves me to see you stressing and striving and eating crumbs from the ground when I have prepared a table of the finest food for you (in the presence of your enemies). I would prefer for you to sit by my feet and learn from me. Get to know me and trust my plans for you. My plans for you are not to harm you but to prosper you and give you a future and a hope. Did you not scribble in your journal at the beginning of this year that your re-soul-ution would be to seek first my kingdom and watch all other things be added unto you? Am I the first thing you think about when you open your eyes in the morning and the last thing you think about when you close them at night? Why do you think this is not the case?

I understand (and can see) that you are struggling. I can see that you have begun to surrender to your circumstances instead of trusting what you know about me. I know you are dealing with several overwhelming situations that have stolen hope and joy from you. You’ve begun to believe that it’s all up to you and if you don’t fix these circumstances then nothing will change. That’s one thing about you, my daughter, you are very self-sufficient, to your own detriment. You have listened to the lie that it’s all up to you. Many people wouldn’t even attempt to do, fix or tackle what you think you can do all on your own. This is a stumbling block for you. It overrides your trusting me as your first instinct. Then you get exhausted because of your striving. You get overwhelmed because you feel all the outcomes rest on your weak and caving human shoulders. I have invited all you who are weary and heavy burdened to come to me and I will give you rest.

It’s time to contend for the promises I have freely given you and take back what is rightfully yours. Have I not said I would never leave or forsake you? Have I not reminded you that my grace is sufficient for you and that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus? I love you just the way you are and I love you with an everlasting love. Have I not promised that you will see my goodness “in the land of the living?” I also promised goodness and mercy all the days of your life. And I WILL be faithful to complete all the good works I started in you and your life. You are never alone in this shaky world and I am ALL you need. I love spending time with you. I’m never too busy to listen.

I know your heart. Man looks at the outside but I look at the heart. I can see in your heart a genuine desire to serve me, obey me and trust me. I can see there is gratitude in your heart as well but you are having difficulty keeping your eyes on me. You let the distractions of the world and the lies of your enemy get to you. It’s the plight of mankind. I know it’s extremely difficult to live in this fallen world and not succumb to its pollution and warped values. That’s what I’m here for. That’s why you chose me in the first place. I’ve given you everything you need for life and godliness. It’s yours! Just take it.

When the world is going mad all around you, trust in my promises to find the peace and hope and rest your soul desires. Don’t shut me out. Don’t try to fix everything on your own. I’m here for you.

I love you my daughter… if you, being evil, know how to give good gifts, how much more so do I, as your Heavenly Father?

Priceless Peace

Priceless Peace

geriraedean
I haven’t been here for a while. Don’t know why.  Distracted?  Disillusioned?  Dramatized?  I came home from my third and final work day this week and I found myself totally free to fulfill my heart’s desire but my exhaustion was preventing me from enjoying my free time.  So I decided to just lay down and take a bonafide nap instead of nodding in front of the computer or dozing in my reading chair.  I dragged myself upstairs and cuddled up on my daughter’s abandoned bed and covered myself with her arm knit big yarn blanket and proceeded to  snooze my way to Lalaland.   When I woke up I could hear my dogs breathing at the end of the bed. Awe!  I woke up so invigorated.  So high.  Don’t underestimate the power of a much needed nap.  Better than drugs.  Seriously.  Sleeping when it’s not nighttime is decadent.  Now I’m ready to stay up all night!  I won’t.  I have no reason.
Then there’s the tub soak.  Another practice I engage in at least once a week. As I gingerly sink my tired and achy body in the depths of skin reddening water with epsom salts and suds galore, I become one with the ambience created via a candle and soothing instrumental music.  You’re gonna sweat your worries away so make sure you have an ice cold beverage at arms reach. I just hunker down and feel the warmth and the envelopment of the water.  Maybe it subconsciously reminds me of amniotic fluid.  Safe and secure in the womb.  And I live in my own bubble for an hour or so and pretend that all is right with the world and remind myself that soon it will be – if I can just get through this bit.
Another practice that I have found to be life changing is the one minute pause (developed by John Eldredge).  As I was reading a couple of his latest thoughts in the form of books, I read about the one minute pause (a free app to assist you with spending time in God’s presence).  Let me tell you, this practice is on par with having a nap or soaking in the tub.  Maybe even better.  It beckons you to ‘give everyone and everything to God’.  Just sit there in his presence with calming music in the background.  Don’t think about any of your issues other than to give them to God – you can name people and issues if you want but then let it go and just enjoy His presence.  If you seek it, you will find it.  Who ever has time to just sit in God’s presence?   Many of us don’t even know that’s a thing.  But it IS.  And it’s wonderful. Empowering.  Freeing.  You will experience the peace that passes all understanding.  With all our worries and concerns and issues and fears, how can we experience this kind of peace?  Answer:  By spending time in His presence.  It’s real because He’s real.  I haven’t felt anything realer.  I actually do the 17 minute pause because I love this time so much.
And in this crazy, upside down, scary, corrupt, dare I say, evil world, we truly need this.  John Eldredge also talks about seeking beauty where you can find it.  Enjoying the great outdoors – get your serotonin engaged.  Live off your memories – especially the memories of God’s amazing working in your life. Remind yourself of these events as often as you need to. It builds faith. And hope.  And if you feel you have none of these memories in your life, then ask Him to show you one or make you one.
You know,  my problems are not gone as a result of these practices.  Not yet.  But after I give them to our Father and the Creator of the Universe I feel so much better able to cope because I know that I don’t have to solve these issues on my own and I do not have to fear. I have peace – that peace that doesn’t make any sense in the face of such trials.  But we need to go back every day and spend time in His presence.  It’s a worthy practice.  If you make the time, God will make it up to you.  You will not be playing catchup for the rest of the day. It will be SO worth it.  And then, just maybe, you can pass on this peace to others that desperately need it.  A smile.  A hug.  A sacrifice of time.  A chat.  Laughter.  A prayer.
Peace that passes all understanding.  Priceless. And for everything else there’s Mastercard. (Couldn’t help myself.  LOL)
Reflections of another year

Reflections of another year

geriraedean
It’s always the way on December 31st. To reflect on the year gone by. The year we now see in our rear view mirror. Be careful, objects are closer than they appear. 
Right about the time my year took a turn for the better, my husbands took a turn for the worse.  Whatever affects him, affects me. That’s the deal.
So while I’m off to London in May to visit our wee girlee, and nurturing a flourishing garden, and flying to Toronto with my sister for a couple of weeks in august, and thriving in a new job…. My poor husband is literally limping his way thru 2023 and life.
Not to sound dramatic, but I sort of feel like I got my life back this year. The life I lost grasp on the previous year.
 Miraculously. Serendipitously. I found myself on a plane bound to London. Many of you are on planes all the time going everywhere and anywhere but that has not been my story, so it was a pretty big happening . While I was in London someone from home reached out to me and offered me a job. I got home just in time to start my garden. The job was at a school so I had the whole summer off to nurture said garden.
I even volunteered (well they paid me) to work the bi-election this summer. Yeah, I know most of you didn’t even know we had one. But I went to a training course where I knew no one and spent most of the ejection day working with complete strangers.  It was completely fascinating and enjoyable. It’s a big deal for me to stick my toe into foreign water, alone.  I don’t usually venture out into the unknown.
Come September, I went back to school. To feed people. Totally in my wheelhouse. It’s great to be out there, contributing to society and making new friendships. I even had the energy and the requests to do a flourishing bakery business this Christmas. Went to a few parties.
Then, the piece de resistance…. Wee girlee flew home for four days in December to surprise us. We’re too old for that kind of exhilaration.  But we made the best of our short time together after we started breathing again.
Andrew continues to be sure and steady and brilliant and hilarious. So it’s all good… except for the hip replacement mike has booked for February. But that’s next year so, if all goes well, 2024 will be off to a good start.
What I know for sure:  God is good: God is faithful. God has good plans for our lives.
We wrap up the year with some life altering perplexities but as believers in Him… we are hard pressed on every side but not crushed, perplexed but not in despair, persecuted but not forsaken, struck down but not destroyed. Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, I inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
Happy new year!
Best Christmas Present Ever

Best Christmas Present Ever

geriraedean

I have a new plot for a Hallmark movie.  Daughter flies home from glamorous London, England to hick hometown Calgary, Alberta to surprise her family as a Christmas present.  The parents are gobsmacked and cry the ugly tears of relief and love and surprise and gratefulness.  The brother is dumbfounded because he’s asleep and he’s wondering what kind of dream he is having.  The family canine gets the zoomies and the velcros for his long lost favorite person. She had arranged with good family friends that they keep this a secret and pick her up from the airport.  Mom and Dad were invited to said friends home for dinner Saturday night as a ruse to make sure they didn’t have any other plans. But then ….since they didn’t have any supper made because they  thought they were going out, said friends brought over a delicious dinner.

The daughter is not going to get hung up on her long lost highschool sweetheart that has a law degree but moved back to hicktown to do good, fix cars and host charity events,  because there wasn’t one. She is the protagonist in this plot. There is no antagonist. There was no meet cute. She is not going to be convinced to move back home…just yet..  She IS going back to London – in 3 days.  But for now, the family has her.  Christmas is now.  December 9th.  She had four days off and found a miraculously cheap airfare and decided to go for it.  And we are better off for it.
We did the Christmas morning breakfast.  We watched five of our favorite Christmas movies.  And no, one of them was not DieHard. We went Christmas shopping at her favorite mall. We decorated well over 150 sugar cookies. She was able to squeeze in visits with 2 dear friends.  Yes, I actually let her spend time with others. She took doggie to dog park twice.  She got to drive on the ‘right’ side of the road.  She saw Grandma.  We sat by the tree and reminisced.  She had a Blizzard.  They don’t have those in London.  Speaking of blizzards,  Mother nature had the decency to snow for her.  We had a wee hours of the morning crisis with the dog in which she played the lead role. A puppy bath was involved.
Starbucks was had. Dad went out and picked up some eggnog for the guest of honor (they don’t have that in London either). at least, not the commercialized stuff. She only brought the clothes on her back because she knew she and we had plenty here for her to wear.  She filled her carry on with special little gifts and Christmas stuff she didn’t need in London. She cut dads hair and gave puppy a trim. Made cookies for her work friends and took back a stash of butter tarts.  Once she unloaded all her London treasures – one bag was repacked with Christmas baking and the other with some favorite clothes she left at home and was pining for.
There was no community tree lighting.  No time capsule.  No snickerdoodles.  No long lost relative entering the scene.  Both parents were still alive.  I was going to say ‘no struggling business’ but really, the jury is still out on that. Nobody overheard anybody say anything that was misinterpreted and caused hurt and anger and disillusionment.
Just a good old fashioned, heart-stopping, joy filled surprise that unfolded beautifully.  Her Christmas present to us.  Best Christmas present ever.

—

Its Coming on Christmas. They’re cutting down trees.

Its Coming on Christmas. They’re cutting down trees.

geriraedean

It’s December 2nd and I’m ready for Christmas.  Ready for the season of Christmas.  Only 3 more weeks to enjoy all the Christmas things.  Joys.  Traditions. Memories. Surprises.  Nostalgia.  I’ve always said that Christmas is really the lead up to the 25th.  Christmas is not really just one day.  There are some that wonder why people go to so much trouble for one day but its not just one day.

I’ve got the house decorated and I’ve got the great outdoors decorated. I’ve got my big gifts bought and will not have to tromp the streets are the malls looking for THE perfect gift. Many of the most perfect gifts cannot be bought anyway. Often I like to create the perfect gift.  I have a few ideas up my sleeve and in my head for a few people.

Its time to enjoy the sights, sounds and tastes of Christmas.  I decided to let myself take the time to read Christmas novels this year.  Its like reading a Hallmark movie.  Sappy but oh so feel good.  Just to take some time to smell the evergreens and combat the ‘busy’s’.  Time to ponder the possibilities of the New Year and to consider how to finish this year well.

Enjoy the Christmas season while you can.  If you can.  There are many  for whom this season is just painful but if you are in a position to enjoy it – DO!   Helping someone else enjoy it will also make it more memorable and meaningful.

Its coming on Christmas.  They’re cutting down trees.

Making Christmas

Making Christmas

geriraedean

Five measly weeks until Christmas. How did that happen? Only six weeks until the end of the year.  Six weeks to finish 2023 well. For some reason, I wasn’t really getting into Christmas this year.  Is it because my wee girlee is not going to be here – again? Because I’m exhaustified?  Is it because my husband needs a hip replacement and can’t get one?  Kind of puts a damper on things. I went to a Christmas Market and I thought, there’s nothing new under the sun. I know, this is starting to sound a little like Ecclesiastes.
I was planning on decorating the house for Christmas on my week break from work – last week, that is now over. I opened the door to the storage room and I thought, what am I doing with twelve Rubbermaid bins of Christmas decorations?  I got tired just looking at them.  I thought to myself, why don’t I just toss up a few garlands and some mini lights, get one real tree and be done with it? Actually the curtain lights were already up so I thought I would just piggy back on those.  What comes up must come down, you know. No matter how many Hallmark movies or Debbie MacComber novels I read, I am  just at a loss for making Christmas.

My daughter facetimed me today from London and she is not feeling great either.  She has been under the weather longer than usual for her and just not that enthusiastic about working under duress.  However, this could possibly be her last Christmas in London, so she is going to try to make the best of it.  I relayed that I sort of was feeling like I didn’t care about Christmas this year and she was alarmed. Well, not so much that I didn’t care but that I just couldn’t be bothered to decorate.  I thought, I’d rather read by the fire and drive around and look at the Christmas lights and feast off of everyone else’s efforts.   I realized, once I said it out loud, that if I’m not excited about Christmas,  it’s the end of the line for me. I’ve always been the Christmas queen. In our family, at least. Maybe I’ve spent one too many Christmases being the Christmas fairy.  I just don’t know.  What I DO know for sure is that I needed to snap out of this. Because truly, if I stop caring about Christmas, what’s left??

I needed some red in my decor.  I have tons of red.  Red drapes. Red rugs. Red blankets.  Red cushions, Red Everything. I was avoiding bringing it out but we need a little Christmas right this very minute so  I had to get some red up and get it up quick.  Once again, I opened the door to the storage room and began pulling out the Christmas bins until I was past the point of no return. I found red french toile valances that I forgot I had. So I ironed those up and hung them on the main level.   Exactly what was needed.  Found a stack of red french toile plates I was saving for Lexie.  Took  them upstairs.  Added red silk flowers to my existing urn.  Red cushions to the couches.  Red blankets over the backs of chairs.  Already everything is looking so much better.  Jollier. It’s putting me in a mood. A Christmas mood.  A festive mood.

It IS worth going to the trouble to achieve that ambiance. My family is used to it.  After 42 years of marriage I’ve always overdone Christmas.  They’d probably stage an intervention if I didn’t decorate.  I know the true meaning isn’t decorating.  But the decor brings me back to the true meaning.  As do the lights.  Especially the lights.  That’s what Christmas is all about.  The light of the world and I need some of those symbolic lights going on in our home.

So now, I’m getting overly enthusiastic and I’m revamping things. It’s like I had a renewed burst of Christmas energy.  Taking wreaths apart and redoing them. Finding new ways to use old decorations. We are getting a real tree this year so I can’t get that until the beginning of December but in the meantime I have a LEGO Christmas Village to set up.  That’s going to require moving some furniture around. I was actually trying to avoid redecorating the house just for Christmas and then having to redecorate again in the spring.  But hello?  That’s what I do.  That’s what I’ve always done.  That’s who I am.  So now I have five weeks to totally overdo it.  Five weeks to keep tweaking and adding. I don’t have to buy a thing.  I have it all.  So putzing with Christmas is where you’ll find me in the evenings for the rest of the year.  By the time I’m finished it will be time to take it down.  That’s the way of it.