I always pray and ask the Lord for a word or a verse that I can live the next year by. It gives me a sense of purpose and of meaning. I do this rather than make a New Years resolution. Its gentler and much more meaningful. There have been years where I stuck by that word or verse like a leech and other years I haven’t done so well. I would say I did not do as well in 2018 with my word ‘stewardship’ . I already have my word for 2019 and it happens to be ‘Intentional’ and I’m going to give ‘stewartship’ another round as it occurs to me that I could have made more progress with ‘stewardship’ if I had been ‘intentional’ about it. These wonderful pursuits rarely transpire by accident or default or ‘just because’ we have to be ‘intentional’ about them. We have to live our lives on purpose. Not be swayed by every wind of doctrine. Not just react to whatever the wind blows our way. In years gone by I remember Steven Covey talking about being proactive. This is a skill I need to hone.
Being a creative, I pump out a lot of beautiful fluff on a yearly basis. And very often, people ask me “Is there anything you can’t do?” My heart is screaming on the inside, “oh, if you only knew the things I struggle with”. There is a LOT I cannot do. I do not announce those struggles to the world so it looks like I am just living in my lovely creative production bubble. I do not post my failures and shortcomings on Instagram.
I have felt like 2018 got away on me. It got out of control and I spent a lot of time being ‘confused’. It had its wonderful, memorable moments for sure. But when I look back at the year as a whole…I feel like ‘what just happened?’. In hindsight, I did learn a lot of things about myself, God and the way He works. Always on the lookout for what He might be trying to say to me or what He might be doing. And I did hear Him and recognize His handiwork at times. Other times it was as if He was saying to me….just trust. I’m not going to unfold my whole plan in black and white for your security and comfort. I just want you to trust me. I want you to believe what you already know. I want to to reminisce about what I have done for you in the past so you can get the assurance of what I am going to do for you in the future. What I am already doing that you don’t see. It was as if, HE was saying, I want you to get comfortable with ‘not knowing’.
When I talk about stewardship, I mean stewardship of everything. My time. My finances. My health. My relationships. My skills and talents. My spiritual life. And when I talk about ‘intentionality’, it also touches every single one of these areas. I believe once I become intentional I will stop feeling like a victim because I will be in control of me. Paul, in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 says this: Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly. I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.
A word I have felt pop up over and over again this year has been ‘self control’. Yes the Lord is in control of my life but He has given me a certain responsibility of control by giving me choice. I cannot control other people or even certain circumstances but I can control my response to ….everything. What am I going to do with all of this? That is my choice and therefore, that’s what I am in control of. So if I ever feel like things have gotten away on me, as I have often felt this past year, then I know what to do about that. I am not saying its going to be easy, but I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength (and wisdom and power and peace and rest). I am not in this all alone, to fend for myself.
So here we go again. January 1 is as good a time as any to draw a line in the sand and say “I want to give this another go around” and I want to get it more right this time. Continuous improvement and excellence. I and HE are not looking for perfection, we are looking for excellence. I want to live this year with Intentionality. On purpose and with a purpose. Still seeking His will and becoming more like Him. Wise men still seek Him.
Published by geriraedean
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