Well folks I’m thinking it’s about time I apprised you of my Whole30 progress. When I embarked on this journey I thought it would be one of deprivation and mourning and resentment- wishing I had never started. I thought I would be hangry every day and whining constantly. Instead it’s been divinely easy, practical, resolute and powerful. It’s as if someone flipped a switch to turn off my cravings and addictions and apathy. Seriously, I am totally amazed myself! I cannot figure out what’s happened.

I cannot believe I just slammed the door on Chai lattes, peach green tea lemonades, frappacinos, popcorn, BBQ chips, cheese, pizzas, taco chips, French fries, croissants, cinnamon buns, bread, candy, chocolate, macarons, wine… to name a few of my vices. It doesn’t even bother me to talk about them. Who am I? And what have I done with myself?

According to the book, I should have started out with night sweats and shakiness, like I was experiencing a hangover. I should have wanted to kill all the things by now. I should have been tired and napping constantly. I should have felt bloated and sick (apparently feeling worse before you feel better), I should have wanted to quit already. My pants should have actually felt tighter at one point. (I’m not sure that was possible.)

Now I’m entering the Tiger Blood stage. Tiger blood means you woke up feeling like someone flipped a switch and turned on the awesome. Energy is through the roof, cravings are under control, clothes are fitting better, workouts are stronger and you feel unstoppable. Alright, I’m there ahead of schedule.

I have to say I feel great. I really do. My goal with this endeavour is for health and I’m feeling healthy even if not thinner. I feel thinner inside if that makes any sense. I know, I know, who wants to be skinny inside? It’s gotta start somewhere.

At this point I am seriously considering continuing this for more than 30 days. Maybe another 30, just for good measure. To make sure I’ve truly changed my eating lifestyle, therefore my health. I finally feel like I’ve turned a corner.

My goal for 2017 was to get in the best health I possibly could. I’ve been to naturopath and had food sensitivity testing and a regime of supplements that I need to return to. I’ve been to my MD for all the other tests and lab work to ensure I wasn’t battling something unknown. In the end most of the issues boiled down to fat disease. I know what to do about that.

I’ve had a few setbacks such as my MD wanting me to eat bread twice a day for month to prep for celiac test, resulting in more weight gain and a halt in naturopaths treatment since she didn’t want me eating gluten. Oy. Next I lost my job which entailed losing my benefits so no more natureoparh and no more company gym to work out in. So I spent April and most of May couch potatoing it. Then I started to power walk 5 mornings a week. It felt awesome. Like I’d been born again again. I started to walk on May 20 and started the Whole 30 on June 8.

Even though my goal is health, optimal health for me will involve losing a few pounds….like 25 or so. So that’s my motivation and goal. I’m on it. So when you bump into me here and there, instead of suggesting I become a linebacker for the Stampeders know I’m working on it. Just having the health to prepare better food and the wealth to buy it and the energy to work out and the clarity to motivate myself are all blessings. I’m moving in the right direction. 6 more months to go. I can do all things through Christ.

Viva La Whole30

 

 

 

 

 

When you’ve prayed and prayed and prayed and nothing has changed, or not much, at least not what you expected. Not what you suggested God should do, if He really loved you – and your exhausted. What then?

Surely the Lord knows every detail of this situation. Every. Single. Detail. He knows even more about it than I do so why doesn’t He move? Maybe it’s because I forgot to pray about it last Wednesday and yesterday? As if it’s all up to me. As if it’s my actual prayer that’s going to accomplish the miracle. I must persist in prayer or God can’t answer this request or solve this problem or do this miracle or heal the situation. But this is crucial. Doesn’t He know time is of the essence? But remembering to pray every single day and reiterating every detail of the problem to the Lord and offering up suggestions and hypotheses is getting very redundant and exhausting and I just don’t feel like doing it again today – or this week – or even his month, for that matter.

Is it ok to take break? God won’t forget about it will he? I only have so much emotional energy and it’s very depleted at the moment. I’ve even run out of scathingly brilliant ideas to give God on how to fix this. He doesn’t seem to be taking me up on any of my offers for help anyway. The hope horizon is starting to blur. Do I see a light at the end of the tunnel or don’t I? I DO believe but I’m tired. Can I just leave it in His hands and trust Him not to forget about me and my request?

So I contemplate working on it in the flesh because then I know that something is actually being done about it. Even if it’s the wrong thing. I see action and I feel action. There is just this need to be doing something. Anything. And I feel guilty if I just let the situation continue as it is while sitting around doing nothing.

Conundrum.

I need to believe what I already know. Be anxious for NOTHING but in EVERYTHING, with prayer and supplication and thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of Christ which passes ALL understanding will keep your hearts and minds stayed on Him. To be honest, sometimes I feel that peace and other times I don’t. But it’s not about feelings. It’s about truth and faith in that truth.

What I know for sure is this: God is never doing nothing. God is working even when I am not. God is in control. God surely does hear my prayers. The Holy Spirit intercedes for us. Romans 8:26-27 “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” Therefore, someone else is also praying for my prayer request. So maybe it’s ok to take a step back? Be still and know that I am God. But what if He forgets about me and my request? Can I take that chance?

I wrestle. I worry. I’m weary. I know better. Be still and know that I am God.

Don’t quit talking to God, just talk about something else. He knows and He’s on it.

Selah

 

 

I close my eyes and reflect on the glorious day we said goodbye to our hero – Uncle Ken (my own dear dads older brother). God blessed us with thee most beautiful weather and perfect location. I could hear the Thorn Birds music playing in my head as I watched the family walk the tree lined path to the gravesite. Several of the married couples walked hand in hand as we took in the rustling branches and twinkling stars of sunlight shining through the constantly moving leaves. Each took their place on the lush grass surrounding the golden box holding my uncle’s shell. We were standing on sacred ground – I thought of the arc of the covenant. Uncle Ken’s dear friend and pastor shared words of comfort and joy from the Word to bring solace and hope to those of us laden with such heavy feelings of loss that afternoon. But we most assuredly knew that Uncle Ken is in the most magnificent place enjoying his transformed perfect body having finally reached his destination. The destination that is the culmination of all of his choices as he walked this precarious earth in his frail and failing human body. If God were to engrave Ken’s epitaph I’m fairly certain it would read “Well done – good and faithful servant – enter into my rest”.

I closed my eyes and looked upward and wrapped my arms around myself wanting to remember this moment forever. Wanting to always feel the warmth of the sun on my face and the sound of the rustling leaves. Wanting to engrave the sight of that golden box with Ken’s name so stately imprinted on top – with a blanket of red roses – into my memory for the rest of my days. I felt like I was in the presence of the divine. HE was there and HE was telling us that this was a life well lived, a life to be emulated, a life to honor and a life to remember.

It was time to leave. Slowly the family stepped back onto the path and strolled back to the chapel to honor the life of Kenneth William Nelson. Inside the walls of that chapel we heard all of Ken’s virtues extolled and so many memories of his impact on people’s lives shared, tears were cried and smiles formed at the mention of his servant heart. Each one having their own memories of how Ken crossed their path in life and made a significant profound impact. From colleagues to nieces and nephews – including his newly married into family…each was altered for the better because of their affiliation with Uncle Ken.

Once many had shared sentiments about this great man we moved into the reception hall to share condolences and laughter and more stories as we fed our needy earthly bodies with the charcuterie laid out for us. Breaking bread together – a most intimate activity to connect with people. Even where we had never met the person previous , we all had a common connection – Ken. I had the privilege of hearing the story from one man – a more recent friend of Ken’s – about the way Ken helped this man out of addiction and they had been friends ever since. I’m sure Ken’s impact reached much farther than any of us know.

Once we had visited and reminisced with all the cousins about days gone by – incidents that involved Ken and how he touched our lives, we started to disperse. I decided to visit the lady’s room in the chapel building. Just for respite. Not only was the décor absolutely beautiful, the room smelled heavenly with fresh flowers adorning the counter and poignant soft music playing in the background. I just wanted to sit and linger in this quiet, peaceful room and once again, remember this moment forever. Forever. And I will. As long as I walk the earth in this skin – I will remember this glorious day. I will not feel sad at my loss because knowing Uncle Ken and being part of his family and a recipient of his love was truly my gain and I shall see Him again on the other side. Selah.