Well folks I’m thinking it’s about time I apprised you of my Whole30 progress. When I embarked on this journey I thought it would be one of deprivation and mourning and resentment- wishing I had never started. I thought I would be hangry every day and whining constantly. Instead it’s been divinely easy, practical, resolute and powerful. It’s as if someone flipped a switch to turn off my cravings and addictions and apathy. Seriously, I am totally amazed myself! I cannot figure out what’s happened.

I cannot believe I just slammed the door on Chai lattes, peach green tea lemonades, frappacinos, popcorn, BBQ chips, cheese, pizzas, taco chips, French fries, croissants, cinnamon buns, bread, candy, chocolate, macarons, wine… to name a few of my vices. It doesn’t even bother me to talk about them. Who am I? And what have I done with myself?

According to the book, I should have started out with night sweats and shakiness, like I was experiencing a hangover. I should have wanted to kill all the things by now. I should have been tired and napping constantly. I should have felt bloated and sick (apparently feeling worse before you feel better), I should have wanted to quit already. My pants should have actually felt tighter at one point. (I’m not sure that was possible.)

Now I’m entering the Tiger Blood stage. Tiger blood means you woke up feeling like someone flipped a switch and turned on the awesome. Energy is through the roof, cravings are under control, clothes are fitting better, workouts are stronger and you feel unstoppable. Alright, I’m there ahead of schedule.

I have to say I feel great. I really do. My goal with this endeavour is for health and I’m feeling healthy even if not thinner. I feel thinner inside if that makes any sense. I know, I know, who wants to be skinny inside? It’s gotta start somewhere.

At this point I am seriously considering continuing this for more than 30 days. Maybe another 30, just for good measure. To make sure I’ve truly changed my eating lifestyle, therefore my health. I finally feel like I’ve turned a corner.

My goal for 2017 was to get in the best health I possibly could. I’ve been to naturopath and had food sensitivity testing and a regime of supplements that I need to return to. I’ve been to my MD for all the other tests and lab work to ensure I wasn’t battling something unknown. In the end most of the issues boiled down to fat disease. I know what to do about that.

I’ve had a few setbacks such as my MD wanting me to eat bread twice a day for month to prep for celiac test, resulting in more weight gain and a halt in naturopaths treatment since she didn’t want me eating gluten. Oy. Next I lost my job which entailed losing my benefits so no more natureoparh and no more company gym to work out in. So I spent April and most of May couch potatoing it. Then I started to power walk 5 mornings a week. It felt awesome. Like I’d been born again again. I started to walk on May 20 and started the Whole 30 on June 8.

Even though my goal is health, optimal health for me will involve losing a few pounds….like 25 or so. So that’s my motivation and goal. I’m on it. So when you bump into me here and there, instead of suggesting I become a linebacker for the Stampeders know I’m working on it. Just having the health to prepare better food and the wealth to buy it and the energy to work out and the clarity to motivate myself are all blessings. I’m moving in the right direction. 6 more months to go. I can do all things through Christ.

Viva La Whole30

 

 

 

 

 

When you’ve prayed and prayed and prayed and nothing has changed, or not much, at least not what you expected. Not what you suggested God should do, if He really loved you – and your exhausted. What then?

Surely the Lord knows every detail of this situation. Every. Single. Detail. He knows even more about it than I do so why doesn’t He move? Maybe it’s because I forgot to pray about it last Wednesday and yesterday? As if it’s all up to me. As if it’s my actual prayer that’s going to accomplish the miracle. I must persist in prayer or God can’t answer this request or solve this problem or do this miracle or heal the situation. But this is crucial. Doesn’t He know time is of the essence? But remembering to pray every single day and reiterating every detail of the problem to the Lord and offering up suggestions and hypotheses is getting very redundant and exhausting and I just don’t feel like doing it again today – or this week – or even his month, for that matter.

Is it ok to take break? God won’t forget about it will he? I only have so much emotional energy and it’s very depleted at the moment. I’ve even run out of scathingly brilliant ideas to give God on how to fix this. He doesn’t seem to be taking me up on any of my offers for help anyway. The hope horizon is starting to blur. Do I see a light at the end of the tunnel or don’t I? I DO believe but I’m tired. Can I just leave it in His hands and trust Him not to forget about me and my request?

So I contemplate working on it in the flesh because then I know that something is actually being done about it. Even if it’s the wrong thing. I see action and I feel action. There is just this need to be doing something. Anything. And I feel guilty if I just let the situation continue as it is while sitting around doing nothing.

Conundrum.

I need to believe what I already know. Be anxious for NOTHING but in EVERYTHING, with prayer and supplication and thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of Christ which passes ALL understanding will keep your hearts and minds stayed on Him. To be honest, sometimes I feel that peace and other times I don’t. But it’s not about feelings. It’s about truth and faith in that truth.

What I know for sure is this: God is never doing nothing. God is working even when I am not. God is in control. God surely does hear my prayers. The Holy Spirit intercedes for us. Romans 8:26-27 “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” Therefore, someone else is also praying for my prayer request. So maybe it’s ok to take a step back? Be still and know that I am God. But what if He forgets about me and my request? Can I take that chance?

I wrestle. I worry. I’m weary. I know better. Be still and know that I am God.

Don’t quit talking to God, just talk about something else. He knows and He’s on it.

Selah

 

 

I close my eyes and reflect on the glorious day we said goodbye to our hero – Uncle Ken (my own dear dads older brother). God blessed us with thee most beautiful weather and perfect location. I could hear the Thorn Birds music playing in my head as I watched the family walk the tree lined path to the gravesite. Several of the married couples walked hand in hand as we took in the rustling branches and twinkling stars of sunlight shining through the constantly moving leaves. Each took their place on the lush grass surrounding the golden box holding my uncle’s shell. We were standing on sacred ground – I thought of the arc of the covenant. Uncle Ken’s dear friend and pastor shared words of comfort and joy from the Word to bring solace and hope to those of us laden with such heavy feelings of loss that afternoon. But we most assuredly knew that Uncle Ken is in the most magnificent place enjoying his transformed perfect body having finally reached his destination. The destination that is the culmination of all of his choices as he walked this precarious earth in his frail and failing human body. If God were to engrave Ken’s epitaph I’m fairly certain it would read “Well done – good and faithful servant – enter into my rest”.

I closed my eyes and looked upward and wrapped my arms around myself wanting to remember this moment forever. Wanting to always feel the warmth of the sun on my face and the sound of the rustling leaves. Wanting to engrave the sight of that golden box with Ken’s name so stately imprinted on top – with a blanket of red roses – into my memory for the rest of my days. I felt like I was in the presence of the divine. HE was there and HE was telling us that this was a life well lived, a life to be emulated, a life to honor and a life to remember.

It was time to leave. Slowly the family stepped back onto the path and strolled back to the chapel to honor the life of Kenneth William Nelson. Inside the walls of that chapel we heard all of Ken’s virtues extolled and so many memories of his impact on people’s lives shared, tears were cried and smiles formed at the mention of his servant heart. Each one having their own memories of how Ken crossed their path in life and made a significant profound impact. From colleagues to nieces and nephews – including his newly married into family…each was altered for the better because of their affiliation with Uncle Ken.

Once many had shared sentiments about this great man we moved into the reception hall to share condolences and laughter and more stories as we fed our needy earthly bodies with the charcuterie laid out for us. Breaking bread together – a most intimate activity to connect with people. Even where we had never met the person previous , we all had a common connection – Ken. I had the privilege of hearing the story from one man – a more recent friend of Ken’s – about the way Ken helped this man out of addiction and they had been friends ever since. I’m sure Ken’s impact reached much farther than any of us know.

Once we had visited and reminisced with all the cousins about days gone by – incidents that involved Ken and how he touched our lives, we started to disperse. I decided to visit the lady’s room in the chapel building. Just for respite. Not only was the décor absolutely beautiful, the room smelled heavenly with fresh flowers adorning the counter and poignant soft music playing in the background. I just wanted to sit and linger in this quiet, peaceful room and once again, remember this moment forever. Forever. And I will. As long as I walk the earth in this skin – I will remember this glorious day. I will not feel sad at my loss because knowing Uncle Ken and being part of his family and a recipient of his love was truly my gain and I shall see Him again on the other side. Selah.

 

It’s waking up to sunshine, to a loving spouse, to rain, to chimes, to purpose, to faith. It’s just waking up at all. It’s energy to get out of bed and do all the things that are required of you from that first moment and for the rest of the day. It’s health. When nothing hurts or feels bad. It’s people to love. It’s people who love me. It’s walking and moving and breathing in fresh air and clearing out the cobwebs to think straight and make decisions. It’s birds chirping and singing as if they didn’t have a care in the world. It’s safety in our city and our country. It’s not hearing bombs drop and not seeing military with rifles on every corner. It’s fresh air to breath and fill our lungs. It’s majestic mountains to climb and hike, to photograph, to drive through, to remind us of His majesty.

It’s Mike, my husband of 36 years. My partner in life and love. It’s Andrew, my son who has brought us joy since the first day he was born. It’s Lexie, my daughter who has been a blessing since her first breath and cry. It’s knowing that these kids are my greatest accomplishment in life. If I ever wonder if I’ve done anything right -it’s them.

It’s food, glorious food. Not just for nourishment but for pleasure and community and as a way to serve others. It’s baking. It’s the process of taking ingredients that don’t taste good on their own and combining them to make something Heavenly. It’s cooking. It’s time lovingly spent to provide sustenance and nourishment to myself and others.

It’s friends. It’s having that commraderie. People who need people are the luckiest people in the world. It’s having a home group. It’s knowing you have a home team, knowing you have someone in your court, people that want to spend time with you, people you can call in crisis, people you can call in the middle of the night. It’s community. It’s belonging somewhere. It’s being part of something bigger than yourself. It’s having a pastor or spiritual leader with Godly wisdom to warn us, admonish us, encourage us and remind us of Gods love. It’s everyone sleeping under one roof. It’s not common to have adult children sleeping under the same roof as we do but its our reality at the moment and I love it. I love knowing I can actually be here for them when they don’t have any significant others in their lives yet. We are it. It’s family. Again that feeling of belonging and that love that only a family has for you. It’s siblings, and in laws. its grandparents and parents. it’s nieces and nephews and cousins.

It’s problems. If I didn’t have a problem how would I know my God could solve them. It’s pain. We have to know pain and sickness to know and understand healing. It’s loss. We have to know grief in order to know the Fathers comfort. The greater the love the greater the grief. Intense grief reminds how blessed we were to experience such deep love. It’s tribulation. It’s being humbled and strengthened at the same time. This builds character and integrity like nothing else does. It’s helping others. It’s taking our eyes off ourselves temporarily and meeting the needs of another. The act of helping others is validating and empowering and brings deep fulfillment when all is said and done. It’s empathy. It’s your understanding of others and their understanding of you. It’s encouragement. Who doesn’t love to be encouraged? Who doesn’t need to be encouraged? It’s support. Its knowing you are never on your own. It’s knowing you have your own fan club. Nothing like it. Dont under estimate.

It’s exercise. Our bodies were made to move. It’s how they function best. Exercise can be medicine. It’s hard work. It’s knowing we are valuable and contributing to society. It’s meaning and purpose and fulfillment not to mention provision. We are to work as unto the Lord. It’s commitment. it’s loyalty. It’s integrity. It’s letting your yes mean yes and your no mean no. It’s authenticity. It’s about people actually knowing you and how your most likely to respond. It’s being a safe place for others and being trustworthy. It’s showing consistency of character. It’s being real. It’s discipline. It’s keeping your promises to yourself so you can trust yourself. It’s crying. Tears are a wonderful way to let out pent up emotions -good or bad. It’s a cleansing of the soul. It’s laughing. It is said that laughter is the best medicine. Try it. Let your self laugh and don’t take much of this life too seriously. It’s about celebrating life any chance we get. Any excuse. Life is a celebration.

It’s the ocean waves crashing against the shore on a warm Kona night as you lay awake in bed and realize you are on a tiny island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. It’s rain falling down cleansing the earth and refreshing all. The sound of rain falling on your tent. It’s soothing and hypnotic.It’s snow gentling falling in front of a street lamp whitening the ground and then sparkling like Swarovski crystals. It’s music that sings the heart and soul to sleep. It’s music that makes any day a party. It’s singing. It’s wanting to sing. It’s having that lightness of heart to want to sing along. It’s Christmas with all the wonder the season brings. It’s a time of giving and sharing and peace on earth goodwill towards men. It’s gifts. It’s the spirit of giving and the joy of generosity. It’s more blessed to give than to receive. It’s surprises. I love a well planned surprise. A good surprise can change a difficult season for someone. It’s memories. Memories made and memories remembered. Reliving a special moment can comfort and sustain the heart.

It’s work. God gives us the ability to produce wealth. Work gives us purpose and fulfillment. Hard work can be so satisfying. A job well done has meaning. It’s wealth. Wealth is not just monetary. It’s wealth of health and wealth of soul and wealth of relationships. It’s talents. It’s recognizing and using the unique talents God has given us. These talents are a gift with which we can create our lives and experiences and bless others.

It’s movies. It’s an escape from reality when needed. Anything can happen in movies with all their special effects and script writing. Things we only dream about. It’s reading. It’s the ability to read. It’s the chance to live out some other story with new characters for a period of time. To get lost in their story and gain insight for your own. It’s a way to go on a vacation without ever leaving home. It’s books. Even in this world of fast paced, state-of-the-art technology there is still something about opening a book and turning its pages that is so gratifying. It’s a library of possibilities and knowledge and history and fairytales. It’s writing. It’s having a story to tell and putting pen to paper. It’s journaling to remember and to let go. It’s journaling for clarity and problem solving. It’s writing to let others know they are not alone on their thoughts, feelings and experiences. It’s pictures. A picture’s worth a 1000 words. So true. A picture speaks every language. Everyone understands a picture. It’s proof of our life and experience. It’s painting. It’s dragging a brush of paint across a canvas. It’s cathartic even if you’re not an artist. And whose to say you are not an artist. If it heals and brings joy, do it! It’s drifting along smooth waters in a paddle boat or blasting across the waves in a motor boat with the sea spray refreshing your being. It’s catching the wind in your sails and cruising along in a sailboat watching the shoreline race by or catching the sunset on the water. There is something about being on the water with all its tranquility and power.

It’s a million little things leading to peace, love and joy. It’s a million little things to be grateful for. It’s a million things to treasure. It’s a million little things that make up a life well lived. It’s a million little things.

 

 

—
Sent from Gmail Mobile

I consider myself, of all women (and children) most blessed. I had a father  who was a stellar man. A man of integrity and quiet inner strength. A man of humour and love of family.  I was named after him so thats probably why I was his favorite – I mean, he was MY favorite. His name was Gerald, thus the Geraldine. Apparently you name the second son after the father but I turned out to be a girl. His middle name was Ross and so my middle name is Rae.

I thought my dad was great! I loved the way he used to lay on the living room rug in front of the stereo every Sunday afternoon and listen to his favorite music. Now that music is my favorite music too. I’m listening to it now.

Of course he used to roll on the floor laughing when we put on performances at home which we did quite often. Yes, we had our own little Broadway thing going on, with costumes and sets and even music that yours truly made up. We used to sell tickets and popcorn and dad never wanted to pay because he claimed the paper the tickets were printed on and the popcorn were his in the first place. He had a point.

I loved going camping with my dad. He turned it into such a cool adventure. He had our tent trailer decked out with the most imaginative conveniences. He made us color coded drawers in the trailer so we wouldn’t need suitcases. And he rigged up the best kitchen tent. He even cooked a roast on the exhaust manifold as we drove through the mountains listening to Hagood Hardy on the 8track. The aroma was getting pretty intense as we drove into the campground. I’m sure everyone else thought the Gallopping Gourmets food truck had arrived. Imagine…. having a roast beef dinner while you’re camping. Dad knew how to camp in style.

When mom was in the hospital having my younger siblings and dad had to take care of the rest of us he was always resourceful. We girls always had long hair and in order to get our hair in ponytails, the easiest hairdo he could think of, dad placed an elastic around the hose of the vacuum cleaner and sucked our hair into it then slid the elastic into our hair. Not sure how clean our hair was after but it did the trick.

With 7 kids to feed one had to be economical and creative so dad invented one of our favorite meals ‘beans, bologna and cheese’ and nobody could spread a pizza crust, with no holes, as thin as my dad. He invented thin crust pizza.

I remember dad quitting a job because he was asked to do something unethical. At that time he probably had 5 kids and a wife to take care of but he wasn’t going to make a living being someone’s yes man and undermining his own integrity. I was so proud of him even though I knew this meant tough times. We were living in Regina at the time, I think,  and he was offered a job in northern Manitoba and was vasilating as to whether to uproot his family and move and was actually discussing it with the whole family and I think it was me that said “what have we got too lose?” And Dad agreed and we moved back to Manitoba.

When I evolved into a teenager it didn’t take me long to figure out that if I wanted something I ask dad first, even though mom was the real boss. I knew dad would say yes and then what’s mom gonna do? In Grade 8 I wanted to go to the school dance with Dennis Watier, the jewellers son. So I asked dad. Of course he said yes and I skipped the lecture I would have received from mom. She caved and made me a dress to wear on my first date. The most hedious coral coloured fortel dress. I wonder if she made it hideous on purpose. I mean, let’s get serious, nothing looked good in fortrel. I only think it was popular because it wore like a suit of armour.

Actually one of my favorite memories was of Dad playing tennis with us. He always used just one hand to win (every single time) because he had to hold his cigarette in the other one. He reminded me of James Bond.

When I was in high school dad bought a motor boat since we lived 30 minutes away from Clearwater Lake in Manitoba. We felt like we were the most spoiled kids ever. I loved that boat. Dad and my older brother, Mick, went fishing one time and dad dropped his watch into the water and jumped in after it. Which was odd because dad couldn’t swim making it necessary for Mick to jump in after him and save him. Mick had his bronze medallion in swimming which gave him lifeguard status. I believe the watch still sits at the bottom of Clearwater lake like artifacts from the Titanic.

Dad was a man of few words but when he did talk you had better listen up because it was going to be something profound and wise. Like: if you’re going to be a smartass then first you’d better make sure you’re smart otherwise you’re just an ass. And: don’t sweat the small stuff (which he was telling us long before the book of the same name came out). Dad and I seemed to be able to connect just by sitting in the same room, same couch, no words spoken.

When many of us, one by one, decided to go to Bible college Dad was totally ok with it even though he wasn’t a believer. He even helped us get there and came to hear our singing groups or our preaching when we made trips with the college to small towns in Saskatchewan and Manitoba. I felt he was very proud of his kids and how they were turning out. Mom has told me that dad was never happier than when all his kids were home and as a parent now, I know exactly how he felt.

Dad saved my life in a major relationship crisis after I graduated from Bible college. I was living in Saskatoon and found myself engaged to a young man I knew I would never marry but I didn’t know how to end it. I won’t go into the details but Dad heroically saved me from making a huge mistake when I was totally incapable of getting myself out of this mess and he did it with such love and strength. I will forever be grateful for what he did for me as it literally changed the course of my life.

The way dad took care of me during this difficult time for me reminded me of my Heavenly Father. Dad poured out wisdom and encouragement and love and told me he had a plan for my immediate future and he also told me not to be afraid because he would be right outside waiting for me as I carried out the dastardly deed. True to his word he was waiting for me and consoled me and put me on a plane for Calgary to live with my uncle (his brother – my second favorite man on the planet at that time).

Mom and dad moved to Calgary in 1996 and moved into an apartment two blocks away from us. Dad was always willing to help out with whatever we needed such as bringing me spare keys while I was going through a sleep deprived phase and constantly locking my keys in my car.Dad helped me transform my basement into a sewing studio so I could teach sewing classes to kids to finance my own kids going to a private school. He also helped me recover many pieces of furniture. We were a good team. Again, very few words were spoken but we were on the same wave length. I remember running into a conundrum with the fabric as we were recovering a couch and he thought of a solution but it involved compromising perfection. I’m not a perfectionist either  and I was thinking of the exact same solution and we just looked at each other and both knew what the other was thinking. That’s how we were going to solve the problem and we did.

After dads first heart attack, that miraculously didn’t kill him, he tried to escape the hospital. After his Code Blue, he found his cowboy boots in a closet and put them on and the nurses found him in the hall on the phone calling a taxi. He was hilarious if not delusional. We had him for for 12 more precious years after that.

I don’t remember the exact circumstances but I will never forget my dad telling me that ‘I was a good daughter’. That affirmation has carried me through many difficult circumstances and influenced many of my choices since his passing. I wear his name with pride and love and pray I will do it justice.

Thanks dad for your legacy and I remember you on this and every Fathers Day. You were my father, my fan and my friend.