The Lord is my Shepherd. He is taking care of me as a shepherd takes care of His sheep. They need taking care of as they are rather dumb animals I’ve heard. Without a shepherd, they would be falling off cliffs, starving and eaten by larger animals. As it turns out we are the sheep. I am a sheep. I am one that would wander off and plunge myself to the bottom of the canyon were my shepherd not paying attention to my every move. Now if a sheep is determined to jump out of the shepherds arms or wander from his sight and care and plunge himself into tragedy and despair the shepherd will not always grab him by the hook of his staff and drag him back. Well if we are talking about literal sheep and a literal shepherd, then he probably would so I guess this is where the metaphor ends because people are a lot more intelligent than sheep and we have a free will and soul and the shepherd will not infringe on that freewill since it is a gift. Run on sentences are not a sin.

I shall not want -I’ll have everything I need. It doesn’t mean I’ll have every worldly self indulgent thing I think I want and think I need. But I will not be lacking anything to live this life and to thrive and to find purpose. If it’s a necessity of life I shall have it.

He makes me to lie down in green pastures. He will give me rest in blessed places. And if I don’t choose rest he will ‘make’ me lie down. The other mans grass is not always greener. Nobody’s grass is greener than the Lords. And this is where I will lay down.

He leads me beside still waters. He is leading me. By still waters and in green pastures. I have felt this peace at certain times in my life, when I’m not fighting against it.

He restoreth my soul. Only He can restore my soul. I go out and damage and destroy my soul with bad choices and sin and He puts me back together….every single time.

He leads me in paths of righteousness for his names sake. There’s that word again. He is still leading me. This time in paths of righteousness. He will always lead me to what is right and pure and true. He will show me the way. I just need to follow.

Even when I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil. As I walk through the ‘shadow’ of death. Just the shadow (which can be scary and dark) but it’s only a shadow, He is there with me. Walking right beside me. I have nothing to fear. The creator of the universe is by my side.

Thy rod and thy staff comfort me. I’ve always considered the rod to be the royal sceptre of his majesty and the staff to be his tool as a shepherd… either way He is comforting me, as King and as Shepherd.

He prepares a table for me in the presence of my enemies. I love this. He is going to prepare a meal for me and I can sit in perfect safety and eat slowly and abundantly even though surrounded by enemies that want to devour me. It’s as if there is an invisible wall protecting me. I can only imagine this makes the enemy furious that he can’t touch me.

He annoints my head with oil. Oil is usually used to make things run smoother and work better so I interpret this as God making things work out for my good and giving me seasons of ease.

My cup runneth over. And as God pours out his blessing and oil on me He is not stingy. That blessed oil is running all over the place so I have lots of blessing to share. I always have more than enough.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. Not only does He lead me and walk beside me. But He’s also got my back. He’s following me with His constant goodness and mercy. It doesn’t get any better than that. And He’s following me all the days of my life. That’s right here, right now, while I am living on this earth. I don’t have to wait for eternity. I can experience his goodness and mercy while I walk this earth. I’m totally surrounded by the Shepherd, the King, the creator.

And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. This is the ultimate bonus.  After He leads me and walks with me and follows me every minute of every hour of my life here on earth, I get to spend eternity with Him. I will live in His house. Right now He is living in my house and I will spend eternity living in His.

Surely you know I am no theologian and certainly this is no commentary but this is how this verse reads to me. It has always brought me great comfort and encouragement. This is his promise for all who will follow Him.

Shalom!

 

 

 

 

Have you ever been tempted to turn something impromptu and simple into a big splashy affair? Probably not. Because your not insane like I am. I am tempted to do this ALL the time. Why? I have to ask myself. I invite some people over to celebrate a special event. I do this 5 days before said event. Then I start thinking we need an activity so as I formulate a plan for an activity I start to feel we need props and atmosphere. The next thing you know I am pinteresting for ideas and special effects. There are so many great food ideas that I begin to imagine we need to taste them all. I start making lists and plans and wonder how I’m going to get it all done. I enlist the help of my creatively talented sidekick, my daughter. She just kind of goes along with it because she is used to my pathological need to create events as if I’m Colin Cowie. (Google him).

All the guests have asked what they could bring to the table, so to speak. I tell them I’ll get back to them as soon as my master plan is formulated. While I’m laying in bed counting sheep and lamb and beef and chicken and salmon I hear this not so wee small voice yelling in the silence. STOP. STOP RIGHT NOW. What?? I’m just doing my thing. NOT THIS TIME SISTER.

What was my purpose in inviting this particular group of friends over in the first place? Well…. to honor the men in our lives. To acknowledge their contribution to our families. To ensure that no one was left alone with difficult circumstances on this day and to create community and combat loneliness. As it so happens, I really love this group of people and I wanted to spend time together because we always have so much fun. It’s also no small thing that all of the children of these particular friends are friends with our adult kids as well. In fact that is how we happened to become friends. We were drawn together by our kids friendships.

Anyway, we all need to eat every day so naturally food will be involved. So why not keep it simple and just achieve the main goal which is to bond over the breaking of bread. Of course I won’t be breaking any bread because I’m off gluten and grains for a spell. No matter. So I tell my daughter to nevermind about the preparations, go out with her friends this weekend and I text each family to bring their own meat and a side and we are good to go. No pressure. No stress. No pretenses. Just good friends, good food and good times.

Looking forward to it.

 

As I have been waiting on the Lord these last couple of months, I have heard His voice in my spirit in regards to several bad habits. I was hoping He would speak to me about my purpose in life or show me the amazing new opportunity He has prepared for me but no, He keeps bringing me back to things I need to change and work on. Is this my new job? Changing myself? Not really what I had in mind.

One of those habits being my occasional harsh tone. Ok maybe more than occasionally. Alright… all the time. Get off my back.

And I responded ‘Lord I don’t want to have a harsh tone because harshness is not what’s in my heart’. The Lord and I had touched on this subject in the past and I would try to change my tone and my high voltage responses by the force of sheer will power. I could do it for awhile as long as I was fully aware and focused and nothing scary was happening. But then something my heart perceived as a crisis hit and I reverted back to harsh responses.

I finally realize that the only way to change my responses and tone is to change my heart. Everything that comes out of our mouths is rooted in the heart. Guard your heart for out of it flows the well spring of life. So I searched my heart and was surprised at what I found there. Instead of anger, hate and a mean spirit what I found was fear, loss of control and helplessness (or despair). Most of my reactive responses were rooted in fear. Fear of pain. Fear of loss. Fear of having no control of a situation. Fear of disrespect. Fear of not being able to help or change anything. Just pure anadulterated fear. Yet, that’s not what others sense when I am harsh. They most likely perceive anger and bitterness and wanting to have all the things my way.

My fear antenae start to tingle when I hear things like: I’m going camping in the wilderness even though I’ve never camped before, I’m not going to wear all my protective gear on the motorcycle today, I’m going to London alone even though I have no money and I’m sick, I’ll just sleep in my car if I get evicted, I gave a drunk man a ride home (and I’m a vulnerable young girl) I think I’ll go back country skiing even though there’s an avalanche warning, , I’m just going to drive my old jalopy all the way to Vancouver on my own with no AMA or emergency money, I think I’ll just rewire the house even though I’m not an electrician, I think I’ll just invest in this stock with no proven track record, I think I’ll just go sneak up on the skunk living in our backyard…. I hear these things and my heart of fear and my mouth of urgency jump into action. Blew it again!

Be still and know that I am God. The only reason He allows certain things is because He knows He is never leaving us or forsaking us. He is right here inside us and in control. If He allows it, he will walk us through it… if we let him. No need to be reactive or fearful or out of control. Be calm and trust God.

Our success peace and joy in life does not hinge on what happens to us but, rather, how we respond to it. In my heart of hearts I long to have the correct response that reflects love, faith and peace. God is not finished with me yet.

In my daydreams, I am spending the rest of the my time on this earth making beautiful things and making things beautiful for others. I’m not sure what form this could take in the future or how I would pull it off but this I know for sure, God has given me a gift and I want to use it daily and I must not forget that I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength and the creativity, not to mention the desire. I don’t want to waste my talents.

We are living in dark, evil and frightening times and in the midst of the ugliness, the pain and the madness I want to bring joy and blessing and remind people that there is still beauty to be found here on earth you just have to look for it …. or create it.

I’ve made some creative and resourceful inroads in my own life and world. But I’ve reached a saturation point. I’ve filled every nook and cranny of my own home with beautiful things and even though I am ever changing it up (redecorating with what I have) my home is the way I want it. I’ve had friends comment that my home reminds them of Chintzys and Pottery Barn. Mission accomplished and flattery received. I’ve filled my home with urns full of glorious silk flowers that look real minus the scent. I incorporate candles for that. Music always finishes off the ambience. In the winter there are the fur blankets and the fireplace, the baking and the hot chocolate, the music and books.

I’ve baked all the delicious things until we are needing to cut back. Im in the middle of reading a summer novel about a girl who cooks for others in their homes. A different client or family every night of the week. This idea really intrigues me. I’m all about the food and entertaining and gathering around the table as a means of bonding and memory making not to mention, nourishment for body and soul.

Anyone who knows me knows I love to plan parties and events. The part I love the most is creating the atmosphere. Transporting guests to another world is always my goal. That and making them feel special and blessed. Comfortable and at home. There’s not much I’d rather be doing than creating a special, blissful atmosphere to bless and to honor someone’s accomplishment or just make them feel they deserve to enjoy some magic. We all need a little magic now and then.

I am in my element creating treasures out of nothing or junk. I’ve even been known to use good supplies on occasion. I’ve always been a bargain hunter and have learned that necessity really is the mother of invention. Anybody with the means can go out and buy anything they need or want but the sign of true creativity is to be able to make something out of nothing. Beauty from ashes. Where have I heard that before?

Creativity comes from the creator! The master creator. He knows what he is doing. He makes beautiful things and I want to too!

 

 

 

As the sun sets on Day 5 of the Whole30 this is where I am at. I have left the happy diet behind and I’m still happy. So far I’m fairly unscathed which doesn’t make great fodder for a blog. But seriously in 5 days ….not one peach green tea lemonade. Not one bag of BBQ chips from Starbucks. No hot tomales. Truly folks I was eating those things at least once daily (she says with embarrassment). I survived the movie on Friday with NO popcorn. Went to a potluck yesterday and said no to fresh baked buns (right out of the oven). The heavenly aroma was all I enjoyed. Also no to the whip creamy chocolately cakey dessert. Peeps! This is huge. And I’m saving lots of money at Starbucks as I don’t go everyday and when I do,  I drink unsweetened tea. It’s cheap. It should be it’s basically hot water that smells good. I have 6 free drinks at Starbucks but I’m saving them for the expensive real beverages when I am done Whole 30. However, I am hoping that I will no longer like or crave those sickeningly sweet drinks like I used to.

Im thinking maybe I wasn’t actually addicted to the things above after all, I was just making poor choices out of apathy. Because I really do NOT want to kill anyone or bite their head off (at the moment) because I am so deprived and going through withdrawal symptoms. I’m not even thinking about my favorite things (except when I write about them). I feel my discipline, self control and dignity have returned.

Here is what I do feel. I feel empowered. No one is holding a gun to my head or blackmailing me into doing this program. It’s a choice I made on my own for my own health and benefit. If I cheat or find ways around the rules I am the one who has lost. I certainly don’t win. And although I’m only 1/6 of the way there I already feel better. I know, hard to believe. The book said you would feel worse before you feel better which proves you can’t believe everything you read.

Its really  amazing how good you can feel about yourself by making wise choices and carrying them through. You start to trust yourself again and believe in yourself.

Upon reflection I think I was just SO ready for this. After a year of steady weight gain and depression and apathy and general malaise I was more than ready to do something positive to improve my health and well being. I had to do something different. I had to do something! And although I may still look like the same old couch potatoe I was last week I am changing from the inside out. I’ve put myself on a morning power walking regime as well and even that is self affirming.

I don’t know what lies ahead in the 25 days to come but today, in this moment, I am grateful I made this choice because it’s already changing my life and I desperately needed a change.

Viva la Whole 30.

 

 

Well let’s move on from birthday celebrations to health preparations. (It will be a little difficult because it’s my husbands birthday today and that includes Mississippi mud and wings). But this week, in fact on June 8, I will embark on the Whole30 journey. What, pray tell, is Whole30?? Well I can tell you what’s its not. Its not just another fad diet, believe you me. (Because no one starts a fad diet on a Thursday). It’s  not to be entered into lightly ( I am entering it heavy) or without preparation. It’s not a weight loss program although I’m positive if you are heavier than you should be, you will most likely shed a few pounds of condemning baggage as you eat nothing but whole foods for 30 days. I’m counting on it. It’s a reset journey. It’s like the Betty Ford clinic for people with food addictions … like me. Addicted to sugar (hot tomales and peach green tea lemonade) and Kettle cooked BBQ chips. I was reading the ‘what to expect timeline’ yesterday and it mentions that you will probably feel worse before you feel better…. that would be the withdrawal symptoms. I’ll probably have to be chained to my bed soaked in my own sweat to keep me from running to Starbucks and Sobeys and Shoppers with no make up on and frightening hair to get my fixes. Now that’s a pretty thought.  But I do have an accountability partner that has already passed the test to keep me on the straight and narrow.

I’m almost finished the prep reading and getting ready to make the allowable sauces and condiments and shop for groceries. If I’m shopping correctly I should bring absolutely nothing home in a box, can, a cellopac or a bag or a bottle. Well my nuts and Perrier may come in such containers but that’s it. Eggs also come in containers. Can you imagine if you were expected to put eggs in groceries bags just the way they were? That would be tricky and messy.  Let’s imagine that they are all just sitting in a huge refrigerated bin. There would probably be all sorts off eggs broken and sticky yolks everywhere. Submerging your hand in there could be horrifying.  You’d need counselling for years. . I’m glad they are packaged in egg cartons. Swell idea. I digress….

The object of this reset process is to break your cravings for fake food with addictive stimulants and reset your digestive system (heal your gut) so your immune system starts firing on all pistons. Making you healthier and stronger and eventually slimmer. I definitely need that. I lost 25 pounds by joining a popular weight loss organization 3 years ago but I’m sad to report that I’ve gained it all back as I didn’t quit eating fake food with addictive stimulants, I just ate less of it and lost weight and reverted back to my old habits because, let’s face it, I was still addicted. Hadn’t really learned a thing except ‘eat less food temporarily lose weight temporarily’.

My top priority is health this time around. If weight loss happens that will be a bonus. From all the reading I have done lately though, I know once I heal the gut aka digestive processes I WILL lose the weight I need to lose and I will feel great. I’m actually quite looking forward to the Whole thing (pun intended). I also know I will spend a lot of time in the kitchen preparing whole food but that will not be a problem for me as the kitchen is my laboratory, my studio, my joy and I’m unemployed for the moment so I have the time. And I don’t have to starve to death. I can eat all the food I want from all the other trees in the garden, I just can’t eat anything off the forbidden tree. I mean that’s how we got in this mess in the first place isn’t it?

Recently I purchased the most adorable whimsical Kate Spade bathing suit. Why would I do this when I’m 25 pounds overweight you ask? Because I am a visionary. Either that or I’m deluded. I dream things that never were and ask ‘why not?’ I may have borrowed that sentiment from the late JFK (who borrowed if from George Bernard Shaw). I’m gonna get there folks and when I do, I’m gonna stay there. And now I’m accountable to all of you. What have I done?

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