Kingdoms come and go, but they don’t last
Before you know the future is the past
In spite of what’s been lost or what’s been gained
We’re living proof that love remains……

We all live
And we all die
But the end is not goodbye
The sun comes up
And the seasons change
And through it all, love remains
An eternal burning flame
Hope lives on, and love remains

These are the poignant lyrics to a song by Hillary Scott and the Scott family. I was introduced to this song earlier this week as I providentially happened to attend a ‘Celebration of Life’ for an elderly couple that passed away within 10 days of each other. The children were just reeling from their mothers surprise passing when their father passed away from stroke complications. I believe they were expecting that their dad didn’t have much time but were not expecting to say goodbye to mom so soon. A double blow leaving them orphans.

It rather reminded me of Noah and Allie in the movie the Notebook. What a blessing, really, to leave this world together. The children decided to celebrate the lives of their parents in one glorious salute to their lives and legacy. As I listened to tribute after tribute from adult children and grandchildren it became evident that this was a tight knit family living on faith and love. And grandma’s apple pies.

This is where I came in. I did not know this family at all until an acquaintance on Instagram called me and queried as to whether I would like to take up the challenge to attempt to duplicate Claire’s pies for the service. I assume she thought of me due to all the pictures of homemade pie (and other baking) I regularly post. The family were only expecting 500 people so we shouldn’t need more than 60 pies and 30 dozen butter tarts. That’s all. Since I was still unemployed I decided to take a whack at it.

One of the daughters, that learned to make the pies by assisting her mom side by side, gave me her mom’s recipe for pastry and her method for making the pies as well as her mom’s butter tart recipe, with very explicit instructions. I was thrilled when I realized how amazing the pastry tasted (no left over crusts with this recipe) AND what a pleasure it was to rollout. I will use this recipe forevermore. Pie is the only dessert that I have a hard time saying no to if it’s homemade.

I proceeded to do a few testers for the family to try in order to get the nod of approval. They wanted this baking to be exactly like their mom’s. She had made pies for everyone who visited the farm and the neighbors and friends in the neighbouring area making Claire’s pies and tarts quite an item and coveted delicacy. The family passed me so I set out.

Farmers market for three 40lb. cases of MacIntosh apples and to Costco and Superstore for several 20lb. bags of sugar and flour. Tenderflake, butter, cinnamon, raisins and eggs. Tin foil plates for pies, baggies for storage, containers for tarts and I was ready to hunker down and bake my brains out. All told, I believe I spent 8 purposeful, inspired and joyful days a home baking, listening to music, praying, planning. My own pie making mom joined me for two days and helped lighten the load. Time well spent with my mom. She even came with me when I went to the venue a day before service to bake the bulk of the pies. Good times, great memories.

Where was I going to freeze all these pies and tarts while I awaited the appointed date? As luck would have it one of my dear and generous friends volunteered her almost empty freezer so as the pies were ready, I hauled them over to her place until the day before the service. I knew I could trust her with them AKA they’d still all be there when I came for them.

I pretended this was my career and this is what I did all day everyday. I could definitely get into this. I thoroughly enjoyed working in my kitchen, except for the night my gas oven went on the fritz. Can you believe it? The most important baking experience of my life and my oven quits. Mike, being the handy Saskatchewan farm boy that he is, had it going the very next day. I guess it’s all part of the baking industry that I was getting a first hand glimpse of, by the way.

All reports from the day of the celebration were positive. Grandsons even said they thought they were eating grandmas pies. Mission accomplished. It was such a honour to be part of it all ‘for such a time as this’.  The family were very grateful for what I had done for them but truly, it was I who was blessed to be able to serve them using my God given skills and talents.  Maybe some day this will be part of my legacy too.

As I have attended many of these services in recent years (due to the fact that that is the stage of life myself and my peers find ourselves in) it occurs to me that if I feel regret at not having had a relationship with the deceased then they have been honoured well. It also occurs to me how valuable every human being is. Each person is somebody’s everything. And what a rich heritage this couple has left behind. One of the most beautiful services I’ve witnessed. Such a honour to have been part of paying homage to such incredible people that obviously made a difference on this earth and left a gaping hole for those that crossed their paths. Love remains!

A repost from October 2015…

You know that feeling when you feel your life has come unglued? And you need to quickly chase after the bits and rally them back under your umbrella and nail them down once and for all so they don’t scatter again? It all started with one sorrowful event and then another sorrowful event and then a stressful chronic environment and then the onset of chronic confusing scary circumstances followed up by a taxing emotional tearing of the heart and before you know it you’ve lost all sense of control and discipline and you find yourself wandering and pondering and going nowhere. Interspersed between all of this have been some beautiful moments and unforgettable memories but it really is time to pull it all back together. To regain focus – regain strength – regain purpose….but how?

The world is overshadowed by chaos and that is exactly how it was predicted to be in these days but in the midst of all of this…let’s call it ‘life’…we must remember who holds the whole thing in HIS hands and remember to whom we belong. When we are running hither and thither in the strong winds and blinding rain trying to latch onto all that we’ve lost or that has blown away and we just snatch one area back and another one slips through our fingers and has blown too high to grab….and we stand their huffing and puffing and berating ourselves for being such a mess. So we just fall into a huddle in a puddle of our own tears and cry our hearts out. Somehow it is temporarily healing. It’s like a draining of poisonous toxins. We have a good cry (in the shower, if that suits) and then we muster up the strength to carry on. But then we hear this still small voice that repeats… You are not alone. When we feel like we can’t take it anymore we take it to the one that can. We offer our mess up with open hands and the one that created us and knows us intimately, takes it and divinely continues to sort it all out and if we watch carefully – with open eyes, ears and hearts – we will see how HE crafts our healing into something even more beautiful than what got away. If that is possible…sometimes our perception of what we lost was pretty amazing, very precious, highly memorable and pricelessly valuable….but HE is turning it all into something even more. He will take everything and use it for our good. He always has our best interests in mind. But it takes time to craft something this perfect so we must patiently wait and remember that HE is working on our behalf – at all times – He works when we don’t. He is faithful to complete what HE started. And we are off the hook…we don’t have to fix all of this…He will do it. He will clean up our mess and HE will cover us with His feathers until these calamities have passed. And in the meantime….we are encouraged to rest and receive peace that passes all understanding. There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens and I think it’s time to let up and let go. Loosen my grasp on that need for control and perfection and “right now” answers and cease trying to make it all happen on my own.

Blast that self-sufficient character trait….a time to loosen my grasp on what I think should be happening and just give the Lord a chance to show off. I’ve always had very high expectations of everyone and everything and mostly of myself…I’m hard to impress but I am pretty sure that if I let go – God will knock my socks off. He’s done it before. So I think I’ll just sit back and watch the show. Pass the popcorn please.

 

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, valuable, but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it or because I haven’t been brave? – Kathleen Kelly from You’ve Got Mail.

I believe I have settled a lot of times because I haven’t been brave. Something I discovered about myself this summer is that I am a scaredy cat of epic proportions. I have a yellow streak a mile long. I am a coward. I am the lion from the wizard of Oz. I did not realize this until recently. I was stressed. Having difficulty making decisions or moving forward or getting things done and was just wondering why. I started listening to myself – my explanations and excuses and justifications and it was there I uncovered the fear. This isn’t just something new. I realize I have functioned out of fear for decades. And I let others project their fears on me as well until I am literally running scared. Fear paralyzes. I hear myself saying self protecting things and making self protective justifications. Maybe I need to quit listening to myself?

And yet I have been brave on so many fronts as well because I didn’t have a choice. It was muster up some courage or drown. I have been uncharacteristically brave at times. Even surprised myself. So I can be brave when there is no other choice. I can do all things through Christ. He is my strength when I am weak. I know this. And yet, it seems, fear is crouching on my doorstep. Wait a minute, where have I heard that before?

It may not be the spirit of fear but certainly a lack of courage. Fear seems to be my default. I want faith to be my default. ‘She is clothed with strength and dignity and can laugh at the days to come.’ I want that to be true of me. But at times that kind of courage feels so elusive. So unattainable.

So what’s an aspiring Proverbs 31 woman supposed to do? What am I so afraid of? Are these fears rationale or not? There are some things in this world that are definitely scary alright. But the Lord keeps reminding us in His word not to fear. He also reminds us that worrying (just another manifestation of fear) is the most useless activity on the planet. He warns us about worrying our prayers which renders them not really prayers but just another way to worry. He also promised to never leave or forsake us and to be our defender. He is our strength when we are weak. He is our truth in a planet full of lies. Fear of the Lord is the only beneficial fear. I should not fear what man can do to me because my God is greater.

I definitely worry about about silly daily things because that’s the human condition. But I don’t need to surrender to the human condition. Jesus died on the cross so I could be free from all that. I need to trust the one That upholds me with his righteous right hand.

What are these fears I’m referring to? Fear of the unknown. What’s going to become of me? Fear of suffering. No one invites suffering even though we must share in Christ’s suffering. Fear of being abandoned. God will never leave or forsake me. Fear of persecution. We must not fear what man can do to us. Fear of not being valuable to anyone. I am a daughter of the Almighty and He cherishes me. Fear of watching loves ones suffer. His plans for us are not to harm us but to prosper us and give us a future and a hope.

Corrie Ten Boom said ‘never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God” she also said “worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.

So my resolve is to try to do something that scares me every day. Sometimes that might be as simple as ‘spend time encouraging myself in the Lord’ when I have a million things on my todo list and to take time for this will mean not finishing my list. Calling that person and encouraging them even if I don’t have all the answers and cures. Deviating from my schedule to follow the Lords promptings. Make that doctors appointment when you suspect something is amiss. Say what needs to be said and not worry about what people will think of me. Leave the house without makeup. Yes folks… that’s real. Let people see the real me. Take that risk while holding the Lords hand. Go for that walk even though you don’t feel like it. Put on the full armour of God and march into battle and leave the results with Him. Try something new. Go to bed when your adult kids are at a Coldplay concert in Edmonton and not getting home until 4:00 am. Seriously… going to bed is the brave thing to do. True confessions: i did not do the brave thing. Next time!