The Autumns of my Life

geriraedean

Repost from September 22, 2010

I just enjoyed a wonderful fall stroll back to the office after reading my book at the local Starbucks over the noon hour…as I crossed the street I witnessed a shower of leaves falling to the sidewalk like rain.  Today the sun actually IS shining and this reflected off the leaves as they fell….and then I observed the whirlwind scattering of them in all directions as they hit the ground.

I see women wearing tights with their skirts and boots and sweaters and jackets…and know that autumn is upon us…fully engaged.  I mean it is September 22!  I do love fall…in New York, in Calgary, in a small hick town or in the country.  I have experienced autumn in Calgary, Toronto, Vancouver, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Portland, Colorado, Texas, Kelowna and everywhere I go their rings a familiarity…the colors of the landscape, the crispness in the air, the hyperactivity all of  sudden….I thrive on the hyperactivity.  That is why I am a city girl…although I could be just as satisfied on a farm, bringing in the harvest and baking bread and apple pies and canning bounty for the winter.

One my favorite activities in the past has always been to attend the Heritage Park Fall Farmers Market where one has to take several wagons and line up at 6:00 in the am (with an extra hot Starbucks in hand) just to get a good parking spot and to get in the gate before everything is completely ravaged.  Then return home to start the preservation process.  What a wonderful feeling to see the freezer full of pies and the shelves stocked with brightly colored jars.  One of my favorite events was the making of the salsa…usually with a friend as it was a lot of work and the bounty plenty.  I love the smell of tomatoes cooking (the same aroma I experience every morning when I arrive at work and Mercato’s already has started their tomato sauce for the day)…and then the tasting afterwards when the salsa is still hot and the taco chips are fresh.  Even cleaning up the incredible red mess splashed all over the kitchen can’t get me down after a day like that usually spent in good company.

I also cherished my quilting afternoons with the ‘Material” girls and our fall quilt retreats at a quaint bed and breakfast we discovered.  Somehow, quilting speaks to me of getting warm coverings ready for the long cold winter….it just felt like something good I was doing for my family and I loved doing it as well.  Loved creating these masterpieces of art and warmth.

Autumn means I can turn on the fireplace again and have already.  Nothing like sitting by the fireplace in your UGGS reading a good book or reading magazines and sipping on a Tazo Chai listening to Kenny G as you hear either the rain pouring outside or the wind whipping against the side of the house.

Many a joyful walk home from school – in my school days – were spent crunching the leaves underfoot and playing in them.  Collecting the prettiest ones and bringing them home to press.  Actually I already did that this year…I collected red Maple leaves from the Trinity university campus to use for Thanksgiving since we don’t have Maple trees in Alberta.  Sigh!

Gone are the days of buying school supplies and new clothes for school…even as my own kids are now graduated.  I guess that is why I wanted to go to University with Andrew and buy him groceries and clothes and help set up his room.  The Trinity campus is so….movie-esqueish….so I make up my own words.  I guess this is why I am tempted to buy myself new clothes in the fall (any excuse works really)…some new tights, new boots, new jacket…it takes me back to my childhood.  Its always nice to sew a couple of things as well as this is usually what my mother did for us.

New activities, new opportunities (yes I WILL practice the piano everyday this year – HA), new ministries and of course the anticipation of my favorite event of the year – Christmas.  Looking forward to digging out those Christmas decorations and decorating the new house…but I am getting ahead of myself..that is another post for another day.

I work fulltime now so many of these activities have ceased for a season…but when I retire I will take them up again….there is a time for everything and right now working is what is required of me but I can enjoy the autumn through the window of my office and my walks back and forth to Starbucks…I can dress for fall and I can sit by the fireplace at home and read….so I don’t really feel I am missing out on anything.  I have already enjoyed all these experiences and they have made the colors of my life brighter and richer. And if I need a hit of fall atmosphere I can just drop by my local Pottery Barn and pick up a fall catalogue or soak up the seasonal decor.  Selah!

Purging – Its good for the Soul

geriraedean
I knew the time had come to get serious about creating as one rejection email after another filled my inbox. I mean,  so what if I don’t have experience with SAP (affectionately known at some companies as satan’s accounting package), it’s not rocket science and I’m smarter than the average bear but nobody’s ever going to know that as I sit home in my studio collecting wrinkles. So enough of this nonsense. What am I waiting for?  My head is full of ideas and possibilities and dreams come true. Why am I not implementing this Pandora’s box of God given creativity?
Well one reason would be that I cannot create in chaos. Just a fettish I’ve developed. The answer to that was to clean, organize and purge.  Going through every bin in the basement would also give me an opportunity to refresh my memory in regards to what I had on hand to work with. Honestly folks, I don’t think I have to go out a buy any supplies whatsoever. As I unearthed enough fabric to start my own quilt shop, 2 million cardboard egg cartons, enough ribbon for Rapunzel to lower herself to the ground from the highest castle tower, enough jars to pickle a large elephant, paper and card stock enough to stock Michael’s craft store, tissue paper flowers to redo the lobby of the Bellagio. And the bags. I reasoned  I’d better get rid of most of them or people would be referring to me as a bag lady. We won’t even talk about the magazines…oops, I just did.
I also discovered all sorts of housewares,  seasonal decor and clothes that I didn’t even remember I had so I guess I’m not too desperate for those things. Out they go.  I filled half the garage with clothes, housewares, decor, toys, dishes that I am not even going to miss after we haul them away.  Good riddance.  We still own and store enough stuff to be suppliers for Costco.  Its been back breaking work but I’m beginning to see the end.  Monday the linen closet and my walk-in and I’ll have no more excuses for not getting down to what I have been talking about all summer.  In my defense,  I had a few pies to make this last month.
I don’t know about you but I just love that feeling that I have been through every nook and cranny of our home and been through every bin, box and bag and gotten rid of all the fluff (and the garbage).  It’s a puzzlement – why do people keep garbage?  Is it because they don’t know its garbage until they get their hands on it a 2nd or 3rd time? It feels like losing weight.  I feel lighter and freer. I think I have more clarity too.  Hebrews 12:1 comes to mind. “Throw off all that hinders…..and run with endurance the race that is marked out for you”.  So I am trying to throw off all that hinders, physically and spiritually, so I can get on with running the race marked out for me. And its going to be so much more fun, peaceful and productive without the chaos and cacophony of disorganization and accumulation.
If I’m being honest, I’m not 100% sure of the race that is marked out for me.  I guess that’s been my conundrum.  But maybe I just have to start running and God will lead.  Rather than sit here waiting to get started and going nowhere. I took a study awhile back by John Ortberg titled “If you want to walk on water, then you’ve got to get out of the boat”.  Time to get out of the boat. James says “True religion ….is to not be polluted by the world”.  I have been SO polluted by the world as was evidenced by the stuff I had surrounded myself with.  I’m still surrounded with stuff but less stuff and the thing that I am going to do differently this time is to not bring in more stuff.  If I’m smarter than the average bear I should have figured this out long ago.  Its not like my mother hasn’t been telling me this for ages.  Quit bringing in more stuff.
As I go to bed tonight, I truly am feeling more at peace and lighter and freer than a week ago.  I like it.  Empowered.  I am in control of the stuff, its not in control of me.

Love Remains

geriraedean

 

Kingdoms come and go, but they don’t last
Before you know the future is the past
In spite of what’s been lost or what’s been gained
We’re living proof that love remains……

We all live
And we all die
But the end is not goodbye
The sun comes up
And the seasons change
And through it all, love remains
An eternal burning flame
Hope lives on, and love remains

These are the poignant lyrics to a song by Hillary Scott and the Scott family. I was introduced to this song earlier this week as I providentially happened to attend a ‘Celebration of Life’ for an elderly couple that passed away within 10 days of each other. The children were just reeling from their mothers surprise passing when their father passed away from stroke complications. I believe they were expecting that their dad didn’t have much time but were not expecting to say goodbye to mom so soon. A double blow leaving them orphans.

It rather reminded me of Noah and Allie in the movie the Notebook. What a blessing, really, to leave this world together. The children decided to celebrate the lives of their parents in one glorious salute to their lives and legacy. As I listened to tribute after tribute from adult children and grandchildren it became evident that this was a tight knit family living on faith and love. And grandma’s apple pies.

This is where I came in. I did not know this family at all until an acquaintance on Instagram called me and queried as to whether I would like to take up the challenge to attempt to duplicate Claire’s pies for the service. I assume she thought of me due to all the pictures of homemade pie (and other baking) I regularly post. The family were only expecting 500 people so we shouldn’t need more than 60 pies and 30 dozen butter tarts. That’s all. Since I was still unemployed I decided to take a whack at it.

One of the daughters, that learned to make the pies by assisting her mom side by side, gave me her mom’s recipe for pastry and her method for making the pies as well as her mom’s butter tart recipe, with very explicit instructions. I was thrilled when I realized how amazing the pastry tasted (no left over crusts with this recipe) AND what a pleasure it was to rollout. I will use this recipe forevermore. Pie is the only dessert that I have a hard time saying no to if it’s homemade.

I proceeded to do a few testers for the family to try in order to get the nod of approval. They wanted this baking to be exactly like their mom’s. She had made pies for everyone who visited the farm and the neighbors and friends in the neighbouring area making Claire’s pies and tarts quite an item and coveted delicacy. The family passed me so I set out.

Farmers market for three 40lb. cases of MacIntosh apples and to Costco and Superstore for several 20lb. bags of sugar and flour. Tenderflake, butter, cinnamon, raisins and eggs. Tin foil plates for pies, baggies for storage, containers for tarts and I was ready to hunker down and bake my brains out. All told, I believe I spent 8 purposeful, inspired and joyful days a home baking, listening to music, praying, planning. My own pie making mom joined me for two days and helped lighten the load. Time well spent with my mom. She even came with me when I went to the venue a day before service to bake the bulk of the pies. Good times, great memories.

Where was I going to freeze all these pies and tarts while I awaited the appointed date? As luck would have it one of my dear and generous friends volunteered her almost empty freezer so as the pies were ready, I hauled them over to her place until the day before the service. I knew I could trust her with them AKA they’d still all be there when I came for them.

I pretended this was my career and this is what I did all day everyday. I could definitely get into this. I thoroughly enjoyed working in my kitchen, except for the night my gas oven went on the fritz. Can you believe it? The most important baking experience of my life and my oven quits. Mike, being the handy Saskatchewan farm boy that he is, had it going the very next day. I guess it’s all part of the baking industry that I was getting a first hand glimpse of, by the way.

All reports from the day of the celebration were positive. Grandsons even said they thought they were eating grandmas pies. Mission accomplished. It was such a honour to be part of it all ‘for such a time as this’.  The family were very grateful for what I had done for them but truly, it was I who was blessed to be able to serve them using my God given skills and talents.  Maybe some day this will be part of my legacy too.

As I have attended many of these services in recent years (due to the fact that that is the stage of life myself and my peers find ourselves in) it occurs to me that if I feel regret at not having had a relationship with the deceased then they have been honoured well. It also occurs to me how valuable every human being is. Each person is somebody’s everything. And what a rich heritage this couple has left behind. One of the most beautiful services I’ve witnessed. Such a honour to have been part of paying homage to such incredible people that obviously made a difference on this earth and left a gaping hole for those that crossed their paths. Love remains!

Pass the popcorn please.

geriraedean1 Comment

A repost from October 2015…

You know that feeling when you feel your life has come unglued? And you need to quickly chase after the bits and rally them back under your umbrella and nail them down once and for all so they don’t scatter again? It all started with one sorrowful event and then another sorrowful event and then a stressful chronic environment and then the onset of chronic confusing scary circumstances followed up by a taxing emotional tearing of the heart and before you know it you’ve lost all sense of control and discipline and you find yourself wandering and pondering and going nowhere. Interspersed between all of this have been some beautiful moments and unforgettable memories but it really is time to pull it all back together. To regain focus – regain strength – regain purpose….but how?

The world is overshadowed by chaos and that is exactly how it was predicted to be in these days but in the midst of all of this…let’s call it ‘life’…we must remember who holds the whole thing in HIS hands and remember to whom we belong. When we are running hither and thither in the strong winds and blinding rain trying to latch onto all that we’ve lost or that has blown away and we just snatch one area back and another one slips through our fingers and has blown too high to grab….and we stand their huffing and puffing and berating ourselves for being such a mess. So we just fall into a huddle in a puddle of our own tears and cry our hearts out. Somehow it is temporarily healing. It’s like a draining of poisonous toxins. We have a good cry (in the shower, if that suits) and then we muster up the strength to carry on. But then we hear this still small voice that repeats… You are not alone. When we feel like we can’t take it anymore we take it to the one that can. We offer our mess up with open hands and the one that created us and knows us intimately, takes it and divinely continues to sort it all out and if we watch carefully – with open eyes, ears and hearts – we will see how HE crafts our healing into something even more beautiful than what got away. If that is possible…sometimes our perception of what we lost was pretty amazing, very precious, highly memorable and pricelessly valuable….but HE is turning it all into something even more. He will take everything and use it for our good. He always has our best interests in mind. But it takes time to craft something this perfect so we must patiently wait and remember that HE is working on our behalf – at all times – He works when we don’t. He is faithful to complete what HE started. And we are off the hook…we don’t have to fix all of this…He will do it. He will clean up our mess and HE will cover us with His feathers until these calamities have passed. And in the meantime….we are encouraged to rest and receive peace that passes all understanding. There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens and I think it’s time to let up and let go. Loosen my grasp on that need for control and perfection and “right now” answers and cease trying to make it all happen on my own.

Blast that self-sufficient character trait….a time to loosen my grasp on what I think should be happening and just give the Lord a chance to show off. I’ve always had very high expectations of everyone and everything and mostly of myself…I’m hard to impress but I am pretty sure that if I let go – God will knock my socks off. He’s done it before. So I think I’ll just sit back and watch the show. Pass the popcorn please.